any ADVICE here?

[soma]

so I am in relationship with BPD guy... I don't know what's it... but... i everytime i say i am over him... and i just leave... we see each other at work... and i feel that magnatic forces that drag me to him... ofcourse i keep my self cool acting like i don't care... but he never act the same he go after me till i get back to him... and the cold actions game begins again... he never give me his whole attention... one day he is too romantic the other day he is cold

so I had an arguemtn with him and i was rude to him after he hurt me... anyway... i kept calling him for 2 days then i just decided to stop calling and move on... he txted me more than once andd i just ignored it... called too and i didn't pick up... and lately i picked up his call he was saying he is  missing me so much... but never really admitted his fault... lets say he agree we r both mistaken... hmm well i can say that and settel for this cos obviousely my way of handeling what he did was wrong too... anyway i was reading this book "WHY MEN LOVE BTCHS"

it was tottaly making me see what kind of mistakes woman can do... by letting her self for granted... making man the center of her life... canceling all her other activity just to be with him and he never give her the same treatment... never call after while,,either BPD or even just random guy... they mostly do the same sometimes

anyway... can i meaasure this on BPD guy

the book says be bich ... no like hoe... but its like be hard strong personality... with romantic soft attitude

let him feel that u live with or without him and that the world is not revolved around him... and that way he will die to get your attention and he will never stop calling... cos men love to haunt!

anyone read that book? what do u think?

i am kinda needy person... and never gave up on him... i was always telling him and making him know that nomatter what happen or he does i ll always love him... i cancel every thing just to be with him... he knew he was everything to me... till we seperated for 15 days... then he came back saying i miss u... and he told me he was thinking i was over him cos he saw me laugghing an having  fun with my friends like i was ok

so i was thinking maybe the book is right? what do u think people?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[briefcase]

Hello, I haven't read that book.  If this guy has BPD, you will need to be careful applying generic relationship advice from books.  The game changes when one of the people in a relationship has a serious mental illness, like BPD.  We have a book review forum here, you might want to read some of our book reviews, or the articles posted here to see if those are helpful.  At least it might point you in the direction of some other resources to read on your own. 

That said, what you posted about the book you read makes some sense.  The basic message seemes to be "live an independent life" and don't become too tangled up in organizing your life to please a man. That's generally good advice and consistent with what we do here. 

Another good place for information is the Lessons--there is a link on the right side of this page. 

Take a look around and let us know if you have questions.   

[almost789]

Yes, go on with your life when he pulls away like that. You pull away from him and he'll probably be back. Especially if he still tells you he misses you. If you chase him or your always there for him, especially when he's pulling away that will make him run even farther away and possibly paint you black. Go on with your life and really get into your head that YOU DON'T NEED HIM. Sadly, if he really is BPD, and you want to continue on with him you will have to get used to this pulling away at any moment and usually just when you think it's going so well. Try your best not to get emotionally dependent on him.

[yeeter]

I haven't read the book.  Have read the reviews of the book.  My take is that it's a good reminder to have your own life and sense of person.  Don't become codependent.

But also there is a thread of 'game playing'. Acting a certain way to get someone to be attracted to you.  And 'btches' has a negative connotation.  No one should ever strive to being a 'btch'.

I think the tools offered here are much more mature, and with some specific focus on someone with a personality disorder.

Read it and offer us a book review?

[Rockylove]

I haven't read the entire book... .  just a few pages was enough!  I have to agree with Yeeter on this one.  I think the concept may be advisable (don't be a doormat) but the way the author is recommending getting there is rather crass.  Being confident and competent woman is very appealing (some men will describe it as sexy) but being a "btch" is just that... .  being a btch.  I won't try to discourage you from reading it, but I wouldn't recommend it either~~there are many other books on building self esteem that are much more worthy of your time.