Waiting for Court Date, But I don't want a Divorce

[dapperman]

Hello BPD Support Family, as I stated in an earlier post I have moved out about a month ago.  My BPDw text me out the blue last week asking "can we meet at the court house this week to file for divorce, this way we don't have to pay attorney fees".  I text back and said "sure just let me know what time".  I guess BPD family I was surprised at how fast she wants to get this over with.  I don't know if she's trying to get a reaction out of me or what? or if she wants me to beg her to stay married? I have done nothing wrong to her. Deep down inside I really don't want a divorce.  I was just tired of all the drama, silent treatment, keeping me at a distance, emotional abuse and everything else borderlines do.  I guess now were waiting on a court date.  BPD Family do you think she's splitting, going thru her devaluation period or is she actually going thru with the Divorce?  BPD Family can you help me figure this out?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[stash419]

Both.  Sort of.   I am right where you are right now.  She has noone else at the current moment so she wants you to file so you can hold the blame for filing against her.  SHe isn't gonna spend the money on an attorney and risk being told her behaviors are the reason for divorcing.  When she finds another "victim"  her thoughts and procedure will completely change towards you b/c she can paint you black.  Right now she justs wants a dissolution in order to make her look better and also to have you on the back burner.  You have to go full force in the divorce to not get run into the ground and be manipulated again.

It sounds harsh but it is reality that you will get tortured once in front of the court and you will regret not going with your guns blazin.

My STBXWuBPD  keeps saying these same things and i just tell her no.  Now she has a new boyfriend and boy oh boy has her attitude changed.  She thinks her S*^t don't stink.  We have a D involved and i am not gonna let her take her away from me.

[briefcase]

It sounds like you want to stay married.  It's hard to say exactly what may be going through her mind.  Since you want to stay married, right now the best thing you can do is read our Lessons and focus on not making your interactions with her worse.  You can also use the SET communication technique to tell her how you feel (SET is also in the Lessons!) 

I hope this helps.  Best of luck!

[yeeter]

It sounds like you want to stay married.  It's hard to say exactly what may be going through her mind.  Since you want to stay married, right now the best thing you can do is read our Lessons and focus on not making your interactions with her worse.  You can also use the SET communication technique to tell her how you feel (SET is also in the Lessons!) 

I hope this helps.  Best of luck!

I would agree with this.  BUT - at the same time you better get a lawyer and be prepared.  She may very well file for divorce and if she wants to there is nothing you can do to stop it.

"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst."

If you want to stay married, I would tell her clearly that this is the case.  My wife was able to drag the divorce process out several months (I wasnt pushing it hard though).  In the end I aborted.  So nothing is ever 'over over' (and I knew a lady once that married the same guy over again... .  4 times!)