Am I doing the right thing?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Ok so after 4 months of LC, he has come to me telling me he wants to make this work, and wants to be with me. That was 4 days ago. He has said nothing more. He has contacted me several times today which is normal when I have a day off. Its like he is sure I am doing something wrong. I have told him I love him, and I want to make this work also. He only replied back saying I want to make this work too. No I love you too. I left it alone. Its hard, it hurts, but I am trying to take a different approach this time and let him come to me on his own without putting words in his mouth. Am I doing the right thing? Its so hard knowing how to approach this. All I know is before I would ask him the questions and he just seemed to give me the answer he knew I wanted to hear, not what he was really feeling.

[benny2]

Ok so after 4 months of LC, he has come to me telling me he wants to make this work, and wants to be with me. That was 4 days ago. He has said nothing more. He has contacted me several times today which is normal when I have a day off. Its like he is sure I am doing something wrong. I have told him I love him, and I want to make this work also. He only replied back saying I want to make this work too. No I love you too. I left it alone. Its hard, it hurts, but I am trying to take a different approach this time and let him come to me on his own without putting words in his mouth. Am I doing the right thing? Its so hard knowing how to approach this. All I know is before I would ask him the questions and he just seemed to give me the answer he knew I wanted to hear, not what he was really feeling.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[inepted]

Have you talked to him about how you want to make things work? He may be saying he wants to make things work, but perhaps he simply doesn't know what to do?

[yeeter]

And... .  Do you have a good idea of what 'work' looks like?  Not some fairy tale interpretation, but a pragmatic realistic model of what might be possible?

If he is just saying things he thinks you want to hear, it's because he is afraid if he is really honest in sharing, it won't be received well and there will be some result which is unfavorable to him.

The very best relationships I have been in are ones where if I shared, I knew it would still be 'ok'.  For someone with a disorder this would be an incredibly high hurdle (their thoughts are all over the place and from one extreme to the other). 

I'm with inepted, talk to him.  Maybe try discussing what 'works' looks like (one of you may have expectations that the other is just unable to fulfill naturally, and if it not natural/easy the relationship is just going to become a burden)