Best practices for men getting primary custody

[Matt]

trappeddad.

I was just in court yesterday as my soon to be ex wife filed a petition to get back in the house. And attempt to get custody of my 3 children. It only took about 15 minutes to express her rage to the judge. Who told her to curtail her anger.

After she was losing. She literally broke down in front of the judge. And proceeded to break down in front of my S10. The judge witnessed all of it. And would not hear anymore. And requested she get therapy.

Sometimes you have to do nothing to succeed. In not trying is where we fail.

I think this is a good example of where putting the disordered party into a stressful situation - which court usually is - so the judge can see for herself how the disordered party handles stress, can be very effective.

That might happen in the normal course of things.  Or you might work with your lawyer to make things more stressful - within the bounds of normal court procedures.  Asking her tough questions, and waiting for her answer, under oath, might do the trick, or confronting her with evidence that will make her look bad.

This might not be how some "collaborative" attorneys like to do things, but if your attorney knows much about BPD, he may understand the need to put the other party's way of dealing with stress on display.

[catnap]

My son was able to gain sole custody of his 7 month old daughter. . .a rarity. 

A big part of the court's decision was based on the testimony of a PI (drugs, leaving the baby with her ex-bf, etc).  The other part was she was triggered while testifying: 4 to 5 totally different rapid-fire answers to one question, for instance, making up wild stories on the fly. . .all caught the Judge's attention, he even stopped her mid-story to announce his decision. 

If they can be triggered to drop the mask, it is helpful.  Even my son's attorney was surprised on how "out there" her behavior was. 

 

[motherof1yearold]

the judge already views you as a breath of fresh air compared to dead beat dads. My ex husband is still fighting for full custody of 18 month old as abuse tactic against me after our divorce. We have equal parenting.

[momtara]

If someone has primary custody, can the two parties still get similar parenting time to each other?  If parties have shared custody, do they have to live near each other?  Some of the terms are kind of confusing (and probably vary state to state).

[broken3]

momtara.

In my state Pa. If both parties agree. You can have almost anything. But the court makes sure that the parties live in the same school district as the child.

If CS is in question. Then when the non custodial parent exceeds 60% of visitation. They are allowed a reduced support obligation based on the majority of the time the parent is obligated to take care of child. Including costs for doing same.

Since the courts want to make the life of the child as stable as possible. The usual way to do a 50/50 is one week on and one week off.

Hope that helps.