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Author Topic: I want to be done  (Read 538 times)
DepressIsolatedMeg
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« on: March 22, 2013, 02:32:52 AM »

Said you are going to give me the money for the bills a month ago, never give it to me. Kept telling me your "reasoning", and how I was being "inconsiderate" because I was pissed that you couldn't not keep up to your words every time. It was only a few hundreds dollars, but still, why should I pay the bills for the place where I moved out 3 months ago? Especially I am a fresh college graduate and just started working a week ago.

And you said, "Yeah I promise you I am going to transfer money to your account on Monday". It's Friday now.

Two days ago, you said "Yeah I am going to call you tonight." You didn't call, oh I was not SURPRISED! You would keep up to your words? It must be the end of the world! It will never happen, I know it better than anyone. And then, You text me later at night, said "Yeah I am going to call you at blah blah blah, this time tomorrow." You didn't call again. Just like I expected. You are not a MAN. You are a LOSER. If I can, I just want to spit on your face and tell you how much of a loser you are.

Normally I would have been freaking out a long time already bc you said you will call but you didn't. I would be calling you to check because you didn't call me like you "promised" me. I didn't. I was just like, Gah, I know it. It is YOU. Because I know you are not a MAN, and you are such a loser, and you are not going to call. I am glad that GOD is making me to realize that how I should not be wasting my time on such a loser anymore. I feel sorry for YOU having this BPD condition, at the same time I don't feel sorry. I am sorry, I can't be emphatic. Your parents weren't feeling emphatic for me after you stole all the money I had. F**king selfish rich people. I hate them. I was F**king 23. I was naive. I was a waitress. I was an immigrant. I was a student. I didn't know the real world. I wanted to believe the man who said he love me and wanted to marry me, and the only thing he wanted to do is making me happy. Like he will never torture me to death, ever.

Tonight I just want to tell him to F**k OFF. Dude, you wanna be done? OKAY, NOT A PROBLEM. I want to be done too! I am done with dealing your sorry a$$. I don't want to cry anymore, or wasting my time and money, especially when I don't have any. Sorry dude, maybe I am so "materialistic", go find that somebody who is not! I hope you can find one, if you do, I will be feeling very sorry for her! I was 23 when I met you, I was a F**king waitress who was standing on my feet 10 hours a day and going to school full time, I wasted all my savings on you, and, now owing so much in debt. YOU WEREN'T PAYING ME BACK NOT EVENT A PENNY. OMG, WHAT THE F DID I DO AND WHY GOD MADE ME TO MEET YOU? No I am not sorry because you have BPD at all. So go F*** OFF  tonight.

Hatefully,

Depressisolatedmeg
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LuckyEscapee
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Posts: 187


« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2013, 02:38:29 AM »

 Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) DIMeg this made me  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I have felt SO like that, but never acted on it for two reasons.

One I didn't want to excuse his behavior by acting like he did. He would use that against me.

Two it wouldn't help any. If would bounce off his disassociated armor.

Stay a while and let off your steam here 

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DepressIsolatedMeg
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« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2013, 03:04:48 AM »

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) DIMeg this made me  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I have felt SO like that, but never acted on it for two reasons.

One I didn't want to excuse his behavior by acting like he did. He would use that against me.

Two it wouldn't help any. If would bounce off his disassociated armor.

Stay a while and let off your steam here 

I am glad that I made you  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). That honestly made me feel a lot better because this has made somebody else happy  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) and now you made me  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) GOOD! HAPPY ENDING RIGHT?

Yeah I would never act on it... .  we all know the reasons why, this is why I am so ---UUUUUUUGH! Like I want to YELL AND SCREAM AT HIM SO BAD! But I can't... .  because if I do then I am a CRAZY PERSON... .  GAH I WISH I AM A BPD too. I wonder if a BPD ever be with another BPD? I wonder what that will be... .  just curious
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GreenMango
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4326



« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2013, 03:17:46 AM »

Staff only

I remember snapping like this with years of built up anger and never being that angry before in my life.  I didn't think I could get that angry.  I'm guessing most of us have been there, it's part of the process.  As a support group we want to be supportive while working through these feelings.  That's why we are all here and it's good to see you guys are making each other laugh a bit.

As you work through this anger I just wanted to remind all that post in this thread about our guidelines about language here: Guideline: Language and Terminology

Just a friendly reminder because colorful word choice can be catchy sometimes.  Carry on.


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laelle
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Posts: 1737


« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2013, 04:53:37 AM »

Meg,

I just got out of the situation that you are in.  A guy full of promises and seemingly good intentions but it never pays off.  Empty promises

A BPD means things until it comes out of their mouths, after that who the heck knows.  Chances are tho if there is nothing else in it for them, there is no reason to following through.  I sent mine 400 euro, and two hours later he called me a sorry excuse for a human being and told me to get the heck out of his life.  Its not normal, and its not good for you or for me.  No one said you had to sacrifice in a relationship.  If he doesnt have his rent, that is his problem, not yours to fix.

As much as you fix it, he knows that method works, and he will do it again and again.  So stop putting out the cash or leave.

You wont be happy being the chump all the time.  If you stop putting out the money, he may leave you, but pfft... .  who cares right?

You are worth more than this.  The next letter you write, let it be to yourself, telling yourself how valuable you are, and that you dont have time in your life for people who will only bring you down.

I loved your language btw.  Smiling (click to insert in post)  I have soo felt like sending that same email a million times.

I ended my relationship.  I hurt, but I know my pocket book is safe, and my promises to myself I know I will keep.

If you want to be done... .  be done.  You have control of that, he doesnt.
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DepressIsolatedMeg
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« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2013, 12:07:28 AM »

Meg,

I just got out of the situation that you are in.  A guy full of promises and seemingly good intentions but it never pays off.  Empty promises

A BPD means things until it comes out of their mouths, after that who the heck knows.  Chances are tho if there is nothing else in it for them, there is no reason to following through.  I sent mine 400 euro, and two hours later he called me a sorry excuse for a human being and told me to get the heck out of his life.  Its not normal, and its not good for you or for me.  No one said you had to sacrifice in a relationship.  If he doesnt have his rent, that is his problem, not yours to fix.

As much as you fix it, he knows that method works, and he will do it again and again.  So stop putting out the cash or leave.

You wont be happy being the chump all the time.  If you stop putting out the money, he may leave you, but pfft... .  who cares right?

You are worth more than this.  The next letter you write, let it be to yourself, telling yourself how valuable you are, and that you dont have time in your life for people who will only bring you down.

I loved your language btw.  Smiling (click to insert in post)  I have soo felt like sending that same email a million times.

I ended my relationship.  I hurt, but I know my pocket book is safe, and my promises to myself I know I will keep.

If you want to be done... .  be done.  You have control of that, he doesnt.

Haha! I think my language has violated the board rules! I refused to pay for his bills! But since they were in my names, if he doesn't pay, then I will have to! Anyways, he did pay for them today, and expressed that he will arrange the name changing tomorrow. I guess that is because I stopped worrying about that. When I stopped getting mad because I didn't care whether or not he cares for my feelings, he realized that I am moving on.

I feel slightly sad tonight. That everything went so smoothly, I feel that this chapter of my life is actually ending. I found a job that I love, and everything is working toward the direction I am working. And he is also disappearing from my life. It's strange that I feel sad. He brought me so much pain - emotionally, physically pain. I guess in the end I just feel lonely. I am 25 and I am looking forward to go to work everyday. I have a little sleep every night, go to work an hour early everyday, and stay late at work everyday. I don't know what to do besides working. At night I cry.
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laelle
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Posts: 1737


« Reply #6 on: March 27, 2013, 01:32:28 AM »

Meg,

I understand exactly how you feel, and its ok.  You have lost someone who is special to you.  It doesnt make them worthy of your love that you love them.  You just do because that is who you are.  I know the pain you speak of, and its kicking me in the ass too.  I have to try and keep looking at tomorrow.  Today sucks, well it wont be the first, but tomorrow... . maybe tomorrow it will start to feel better.

You are seeing things from a sad perspective, because your sad.  Wow, tho, its great that you found a job you LOVE and that someone who has been sucking your heart dry is gone and he is putting those bills in his name!  What a relief that must be!  That is fantastic!  It will feel more fantastic when the FOG clears and your heart starts healing.

You are young (lucky you), This is only a bad moment.  We live and we learn.  You had your BPD at 25, and I had mine at 40

I guess everybody has to have one in our life.  To teach us the proper use of foul language.  

Chin up, your worth it.  



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