Need some answers and some help

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

If you have a moment to read my story that would much appreciated. When I joined this group yesterday I was asked to tell my story... . I'm not sure where that was posted.

It has been a little over 2 months since my exgf called me to say " out of respect I'm letting you know I want to date other men because I'm lonely"

So she put up a profile in a dating site. She shut down her profile about 2 weeks ago and has met a man whom within a week of them knowing eachother were saying I love you'd and nick naming eachother as well as feeling they have each found their soulmate... . She has shown signs already of things she used to do with me. I have found out she was crying terribly over him leaving her early one night... . Within only a few days of her knowing him... . And I was with her for almost 7 years... It's like what the heck.

Just like the small golden nuggets of affection she would show in between the disrespects and coldness during the last couple years I still feel I need to know if she's at all thinking if me... I am so torn up about this... I've reached out for psychiatric help but have very little money.

Can anyone offer just a glimpse of what might come of all this. How can someone just leave after 7 years and fall in love within a week of knowing someone... .

In a way I feel sorry for this new guy... She's already spoken of him as her " sweet knight"

Will she ever try and reach out to me... .   Even to see how I'm doing?

[Blg1236]

If you have a moment to read my story that would much appreciated. When I joined this group yesterday I was asked to tell my story... . I'm not sure where that was posted.

It has been a little over 2 months since my exgf called me to say " out of respect I'm letting you know I want to date other men because I'm lonely"

So she put up a profile in a dating site. She shut down her profile about 2 weeks ago and has met a man whom within a week of them knowing eachother were saying I love you'd and nick naming eachother as well as feeling they have each found their soulmate... . She has shown signs already of things she used to do with me. I have found out she was crying terribly over him leaving her early one night... . Within only a few days of her knowing him... . And I was with her for almost 7 years... It's like what the heck.

Just like the small golden nuggets of affection she would show in between the disrespects and coldness during the last couple years I still feel I need to know if she's at all thinking if me... I am so torn up about this... I've reached out for psychiatric help but have very little money.

Can anyone offer just a glimpse of what might come of all this. How can someone just leave after 7 years and fall in love within a week of knowing someone... .

In a way I feel sorry for this new guy... She's already spoken of him as her " sweet knight"

Will she ever try and reach out to me... .   Even to see how I'm doing?

[mango_flower]

Hey

Wow, you're right at the start of such a confusing journey... . I too remember being confused (still am), hurt, angry, sad... . a whole host of emotions.  I couldn't understand how somebody who loved me THAT MUCH and said I was her reason for being alive, could leave me and straight away meet somebody else... .

I wish I could give you answers but I can't.  The answers relating to a BPD can be so many, but also they just make me sad.  Like the idea that you were just an object to that person.  It just doesn't sit right with me, it really doesn't.  Call me deluded but she loved me.  She really did.  At that point in time, I was her moon and her stars.

I read elsewhere (not about a BPD relationship though) that rebound relationships occur because the person has so many leftover feelings for YOU but doesn't know what to do with them, so projects them on to the next object.  Who knows.

The soulmate thing is a killer... . it really is  :'(

I wouldn't be surprised if she reaches out to you - not at all.  How was she with other exes? The best predictor of the future is the past... .

She isn't "in love" - she loves what the new guy can do for her.  It's self-serving... .

Where are you based?  Maybe somebody can suggest free or low cost therapy.  I've heard that a BPD relationship ending can be like PTSD and I think that is so true... .

Your story is so familiar... . read lots here, it really does help.

Wishing you the best x

[sad but wiser]

Hi Blg.  Just keep reading.  It is weird, but you'll find yourself on these pages.  Seven years.  What the heck?  Yes, I believe she believed she loved you and needed you desperately, but you touched off a trigger point.  When she got very close to you, she felt herself disappearing.  It is a frightening thing to consider.  So she backed off and treated you like dirt to get some room, but then she became terrified of being abandoned.

  Will she reach out to you?  Probably, but not out of true concern for what this did to you.  She can't worry about your needs any more than a baby could.  I'm sorry, very sorry.  The reach out phase is called recycling. 

   You will find that this support group is wonderful.  Spend time here learning about what happened and how to avoid the pitfalls of such relationships.  If you are sad or lonely, the people here will help you.  We've all been through it.

[mango_flower]

Oh and I forgot to add - I'd be VERY surprised if her new relationship lasted - soulmates after a few weeks?  Knight in shining armour?  hmmmm all sounds very familiar if you read posts here... . x