Repetition Compulsion

[nylonsquid]

Has anyone read about Repetition Compulsion, I believe it was first brought forth by Freud. It talks about a repeated pattern in our lives, that we repeat the past to not remember it. A better explanation is having lived a traumatic event that one doesn't remember or doesn't want to and later putting oneself in the position to experience it again and reliving it. There are a few theories on why this is done and Freud explains it through the 'death drive' but there are other theories such as: we repeat the past event to relive it hoping that it would have a different outcome i.e. resolve it. The line, "Insanity is repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results" (Einstein?) comes to mind. I think its because this is what we grew up with and identified ourselves with it in our 'life script' as being either a savior, victim etc... . The intention doesn't matter as much as knowing or being aware of the patterns. The less you remember or are unaware of the pattern the more repressed the past is.

My BPD theory is they repeat relationships in the past that go back to their care taker. I akin BPD to a big lifelong PTSD that a child has grown with so its something that cannot be escaped. If you want to talk about insanity, there is a close link to the above Einstein statement and the name 'borderline'.

But now I ask, what is your/our pattern? For me, I've noticed that I am less likely to be attracted to a woman who seems to be ready to open up and love. I'm attracted to the 'bad/naughty' girl. Perhaps the distance or knowing that it won't last. Or perhaps I can rescue. I still have no answer but what is interesting is to observe one's actions, think about them and be aware.

[laelle]

I have tried to enter into normal healthy relationships in the past, but they felt wrong somehow.  The only relationships that I felt comfortable with are ones that I felt I had to be something more than what I was.  Who I wanted to be.  I didnt feel who I was was enough.  Try harder.  Trying harder to please a mother I could not please.

My relationship with my BPD ex was probably the best example of my need for approval and the willingness to take less than I deserved because I didnt feel deserving.  Trying to please someone who could not be pleased.

I think it cured me.