DD15 coming home for the weekend

[jellibeans]

DD is coming home again this weekend... .  we pick her up Friday night and will go back Sunday night. I have spent a lot of time reading this week and I realize I really pushed my dd too hard. I talked with her and told her how sorry I was for pushing her so hard.

I am hoping this weekend will go good. We don't have much planned. Just going to relax and do work around the house. Dinner out on Saturday and maybe bowling.

She will not be using my phone or computers while here for the weekend. I am going maybe make some cheat notes so I have some good responses if things get tense.

Would welcome any advise for this weekend... .  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Maybe as the t for a family assignment that works towards a therapy goal?

One of the thinking errors  my d had at your d's age was that her life was terrible and always had been  (b/w thinking).

On her first home visit we were given a family assignment to do.  We were to take strips of colored construction paper and write on each strip a favorite memory that involved daughter.  We were to  join them all together when finished and make a "memory chain".  You know... .  like we did in grade school to decorate the Christmas tree.  The exercise was to serve as a bonding exercise as well as a  physical item in full view that she was engaging in a thinking error.  This memory chain (done in the favorite colors that also coordinate w/her bathroom decor ) is still strung from corner to corner in her bathroom to this day.

Just a suggestion.  Hope your t will give you some kind of direction.

[sunshineplease]

Best of luck today, jellibeans. May the bpdfamily force be with you!

[mggt]

Dear jellibeans ,  Thinking of you and praying weekend with d is a sucess .  Try and remember one minute at a time.     

[jellibeans]

Thanks Mggt and sunshine... .  I hope things go well too. My H and I are going to our new T today so that might helps us prepare for her visit better.

Lbj... .  we were not given any exercises to do while she is home but I love your suggestion and I think we should try to do that. Does DD also put her own memories down as well? Are these memories when she did something like score a goal or just funny kind of memories from when she was younger?

I wish her T would give us things like this to do together... .  maybe our new T we are seeing today will do this once dd comes home.

[lbjnltx]

Lbj... .  we were not given any exercises to do while she is home but I love your suggestion and I think we should try to do that. Does DD also put her own memories down as well? Are these memories when she did something like score a goal or just funny kind of memories from when she was younger?

All members of the family are to participate.  Any positive memory is good from any time in her life.

As we wrote down the memories we would all talk about them, there were a lot of "oh yeah! I remember that" from my d... .  we would laugh and sometimes that memory would lead to another memory for someone else to write down.  All of the memories don't have to be centered around daughter.  Sometimes they are centered around another family member and daughter was present, the funny things kept us laughing.

[jellibeans]

I just wanted to update everyone... .  my dd is scheduled to come home Wednesday... .  She then has an intake appointment Thursday morning at an out patient program.

We had our family therapy today at the center... .  dd was pretty upset through a lot of it... .  swearing and really angry with the list of house rules we presented to her to discuss. We had a level system where level one was no cell phone, computer etc... .  level two some cell phone use,  bedtime etc... .  third level had a lot of freedoms... .  my husband had put a time frame beside each level and this just enraged her so much because it reminder her of the level system she had at the Center... .  well we all rode the roller coster for a while but she was able to bring herself down and discuss calmly. I am hoping the out patient program will help us with the tranisition home.

I really don't see a whole lot of change in dd... .  she seems more intense and angry. We remained calm and that helped her come down but it is unfortunate she really showed no self control at all. I feel she is afriad to come home... .  she is worried about making poor choices. I told her we all have a lot of work to do still... .  we are all not perfect so don't stress on that so much. I told her I am going to try and worry less about her and let her learn from her mistakes instead. There are consequences to her actions and I think she is well aware what those are.

The weekend went okay while she was home but I thought she was very sad and lost. Afraid to make a wrong move. Keeping to herself so not to have conflict. Over the next few months I hope to have a better plan in place for her. I am not sure what that is yet but it will depend on her behavior. I need to get a plan in place so we are not in crisis again. Thank you everyone for your support. It really has meant a lot to me to have this resource with so much knowledge and insight.

[lbjnltx]

Best wishes to you and your family jellibeans.

 

lbj

[jellibeans]

One more update: last night my dd called to talk with her sister. We found out that she had been in a fight at the center and punched a girl. My husband called staff later to see how she was because she was complaining her wrist hurt. Today we got an email from her T asking us if we still want to go ahead with the release home... .  why do I think this kind of email is totally wrong? I have been very disappointed in her care while at this RTC and the longer she is there the less confident I am but I am wondering if she punched this girl so she would stay longer? she has done this often in the past to get treatment... .  I see it as a cry for help. she knew she was coming home Wednesday and her behavior had to remain good leading up to release so why now? She tells me there are fights there daily but she has not been involved in any... .  so why now?

We are waiting to hear from her T... .  she is going to look into the matter more but it made me wonder if my husband hadn't called would we have been told about this incident? I don't think so... .  so maybe she has been punching kids the whole time she has been there?

so what to do... .  leave her another week or bring her home as scheduled? I just don't feel she had any consequences for what she did... .  she was dropped a level but she is coming home so the impact is very little. I am really torn by this especailly since I have no faith in this place at all.

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi jellibeans,

Sorry you are having to deal with all this confusion!  I wonder what good it would be to leave her there another week?  What difference would it make in her treatment progression?  Have you spoken with the insurance?  Are they willing to continue to provide coverage so you can look for another facility?  I found the facility my dd is by asking one of her old case managers of a list of facilities she would recommend.  She went to her colleagues and they made a top 10 list for me to look at.   

My (and I'm sure yours too) biggest concern is her suicidal ideation.  Everything else you could work with a therapist and read books and try your best to help her.

Personally, I would either pursue treatment at another facility (because you seem so dissatisfied with the current facility) or bring her home. 

[sunshineplease]

Hey, jellibeans. Hard to know what the punch signifies. Since you can't read her mind and the RTC doesn't seem able to help you make sense of it, it sounds to me as if you'll just want to follow your own heart here in terms of what you're willing and able to try.

Regardless of which direction you go, I hope you find a treatment plan/place that you're all comfortable with. That's a big part of the battle!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

She is coming home tomorrow... .  I really don't think another week will help her where she is... .  I have been looking at long term places. I talked to one place today that I liked. They don't allow a lot of communiction with family which is something I am not thrilled about but I do feel like it is a place where she can get help and stablized. Anyone heard of Turning Winds? in Montana

I am hoping her tranisition home is not a bumpy one... .  she seems so on edge and irritable. I can feel the knot in my stomach forming as I type this... .  

[Being Mindful]

Hi jellibeans,

Tell us what you like about this new facility. What do they do there to make you feel that she can get help there?

Being Mindful

[mggt]

Dear jellibeans,  Wishing you much luck and hope on this new adventure.  (all adventures with our d) My only advice is follow your gut instinct and investigate new place and possibly ask for some other parents that kids were there that maybe you could talk to.  Not sure if they would allow this but you could always ask.  PRIVACY LAWS AHHHHHHHH.     

[lbjnltx]

Dear jellibeans,  Wishing you much luck and hope on this new adventure.  (all adventures with our d) My only advice is follow your gut instinct and investigate new place and possibly ask for some other parents that kids were there that maybe you could talk to.  Not sure if they would allow this but you could always ask.  PRIVACY LAWS AHHHHHHHH.     

Of the several rtc's I contacted while looking for a place for my d all were willing to supply references and contact info for past/current placements.

[jellibeans]

Well my dd is home. She seem very happy and is settling in okay. We go tomorrow for the intake meeting at the out patient place and I hope that goes well.

I further investigated the New RTC and found some very unfavorable reviews. After requesting the parent handbook I also am not sure their approach is one that would suit my dd and BPD well. I will keep looking and would love any recommendations. They did give me referrences to call and they were very nice to talk with but I think they are all nice especially when you are looking to give them a large amount of money. Really have to do your homework and look deep into these places.

Friday I have my session with our new T and will be taking dd to meet her. She doesn't know this yet but will try and break it to her gently tomorrow. so far so good... .  wish me luck

[mggt]

Dear jellibeans, So glad to hear your d is home.  I wish you so much luck in finding the right fit for your d keep up the good fight and everyone here is praying hoping and sending good thoughts your way keep in touch mggt    

[jellibeans]