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Author Topic: Another rage attack. Out for blood.  (Read 471 times)
Maryiscontrary
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« on: May 22, 2013, 10:32:16 AM »

Guys, I am digesting this and I have to say that I am out for blood.

When my ex was committed, he was threatening to sue everybody before, during, and after. Paranoid schizophrenic stuff. He threatened to sue my brother, who help me get him in there, and my brother, fearing for his bar card, went to the hospital, behind my back and threatened the staff with legal action. Dumped a floridly sick man in my lap. And lied about it when I confronted him. And has not spoken to me in a year to clarify anything,

I feel like calling the bar association here in Texas and reporting this gross misconduct. If he could not handled it, he should have not gotten involved. This resulted in part of my PTSD hell.

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Phoenix.Rising
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
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« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2013, 02:04:11 PM »

My experience has been that when I am experiencing anger and/or rage, 99.9% of the time there is some type of hurt underneath.  Anger can be a convenient way to mask hurt.  So, my question to you is, Are you hurt because your brother lied to you?  Are you hurt because he has avoided contact?  If so, it is OK to let him know you were hurt by his actions, in a productive manner of course.  His reaction, if there is one, is out of your control.

At the same time, anger is productive and necessary when there are injustices, boundaries crossed, etc.  A lot of times after I get really angry, I cry.  It is difficult for me to get to the hurt, but that is where the real healing is in my experience.  Anger for me is easy, feeling the hurt is a bit more difficult.  Take care.
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Maryiscontrary
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« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2013, 03:15:29 PM »

Phoenix, he is a narcissist. He has no empathy, and has created a huge amount of destruction in the family, outside of this incident, under the guise of arrogance and competence. His behavior is reckless. The damage he has caused is untold.

The hurt is that I have a worthless sociopath for a brother, and I have to let go. And he is my only sibling. I cannot have integrity and let this slide. I m not a door mat. You have to take proverbial  machete to these sorts of people.

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Phoenix.Rising
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« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2013, 04:38:53 PM »

The hurt is that I have a worthless sociopath for a brother, and I have to let go.  And he is my only sibling.

It hurts to let go.  I have a sister, my only sibling, and she is a habitual pot smoker and most likely an alcoholic.  She is undependable, so I cannot count on her to do what she says she's going to do, arrive at a certain time, etc.  She steals from my mother.  You get the point.  This used to drive me mad, but once I really let it sink in that she is who she is and I can't change her, I started letting go.  Now I don't go to her for much because I can't count on her.  I used to get very angry about it, but now I don't let it affect me as much.  I do feel sad and hurt sometimes, however.

A lot of this for me is grieving the family I never had and will never have.  Is there still some anger there for me?  Hell yes, but the more I process it the more I get in touch with the grief from the LOSS.  The losses are huge, but that doesn't mean my life is pointless or worthless.  To the contrary, I can let go and allow people in my life who are dependable, loving, giving, etc.  I believe I understand some of your anger, and your brother sounds like he might not be someone you can trust.  That is sad because, like you said, he is your only sibling and I'm sure deep down you care about him at some level just for the very fact he is your only sibling.  But he is not there for you.  That is shi&*y.

You don't have to be a doormat, and it doesn't sound like you are.  That's where the boundaries come in.  I don't have a lot of respect for my sister in some areas, but I do still care about her.  And I can love her from a distance.  I'm not saying you need to have any particular feelings for your brother, but it is possible to let go with love and still protect ourselves.  We've had very hard losses in our families and we will never get anything different.  But we can achieve some level of acceptance.

It's kind of like the grief process when someone close to you dies.  There is Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.  I think the real pain and the hurt surface with Acceptance... . then Freedom.
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Maryiscontrary
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« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2013, 05:11:14 PM »

This is awfully kind of you to write such a well articulated response. I do not have to emotional circuitry to care, after a year. If somebody does not want to negotiate, clear the air, etc, they need to go. This, like the other with my father, has been in my consciousness screaming in my face for a year.

I don't care about him any more. I don't have a volume knob, just an on off switch. I know this is splitting, but I don't have the circuitry to handle this any other way without dissociating. I have tried everything in the book to handle this some other way. I don't see him as human, just a little weasel. I have scraped the bottom of my soul to maintain empathy. But I just can't. It was destroying me.

My poor N father is trying to minimize this, as he is totally defunct on emotional processing. I told him to stop gaslighting me, that it was rude and disrespectful. LOL. Pretty funny. Teach 'em hard, teach 'em fast. Told him to take it or leave it.

I think I am on the the precipice of a breakthrough. I will not call the Bar Association in Austin. I will simply have nothing to do with the little douche ever again.

Again, thanks so much. I am beginning to feel.



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Phoenix.Rising
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« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2013, 09:42:58 PM »

 Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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