Why a bad day out of the blue.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello all,

I have been doing much better overall, and I am thankful to everyone here. Your help has been enormous.  I enjoy life again, for the most part, and don't pine away all today.  I saw my PBDex last night... . it was not the first time BTW, but it is the first time that I took a nose dive.  We get together ever few weeks to deal with money and other lose ends.  Last night she mentioned how she is pursuing a job in the city where she flew off to to be with the guy she met on Facebook.  ON one hand I know I will be better off because it will create distance making it easier for me to move and killing any hope I might have harbored to get her back. On the other hand, if she goes I will likely never see her again. It will be like breaking up a second time this time with more finality.  None of it is really a surprise, but I did into expect to take such a dive as I have tonight.  It is nothing like those first six weeks... . thank God... . but I thought I was out of the darker woods.  But tonight, my heart aches, and all I can think of is that I lost the love of my life,  It is so sad, so very sad.    I just have to accept it, but a part of me fights it so.  I don't know what I expect from anyone and I am sorry I a not the strong one tonight able to help someone else.  I just needed to get it off my chest.  I am so very sad.

[Hurtbad]

Hello all,

I have been doing much better overall, and I am thankful to everyone here. Your help has been enormous.  I enjoy life again, for the most part, and don't pine away all today.  I saw my PBDex last night... . it was not the first time BTW, but it is the first time that I took a nose dive.  We get together ever few weeks to deal with money and other lose ends.  Last night she mentioned how she is pursuing a job in the city where she flew off to to be with the guy she met on Facebook.  ON one hand I know I will be better off because it will create distance making it easier for me to move and killing any hope I might have harbored to get her back. On the other hand, if she goes I will likely never see her again. It will be like breaking up a second time this time with more finality.  None of it is really a surprise, but I did into expect to take such a dive as I have tonight.  It is nothing like those first six weeks... . thank God... . but I thought I was out of the darker woods.  But tonight, my heart aches, and all I can think of is that I lost the love of my life,  It is so sad, so very sad.    I just have to accept it, but a part of me fights it so.  I don't know what I expect from anyone and I am sorry I a not the strong one tonight able to help someone else.  I just needed to get it off my chest.  I am so very sad.

[Validation78]

Hi Hurt!

I'm so sorry to hear that you are sad an in emotional pain. It's very normal to have ups and downs throughout the healing and grief process. You cannot expect too much of yourself too soon. How long will it take? Who knows? It's different for everyone. At first, you can take it a day at a time, and before you know it, it's a week, a month etc. It's alright to allow yourself time and space to feel whatever it is you feel. Acknowledge the emotions, and recognize that it's all part of the journey, and it will get better, I promise you!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[taaffee]

Hi

I can't imagine how I would react if I ran into my exBPD. I know with tremendous anxiety and later rumination I am sure. I am sorry you had this experience . I have found that full no contact gives me the most sanity. but it sounds like with the money stuff that is not feasible yes? sounds corny but affirmations and talking positively to myself helps keep my sanity. the verbal abuse by my exBPD sticks around in my head and I have to challenge the thoughts that go with it often. but it works. take care