how to regulate your emotions

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I know it's important for me to try to regulate my emotions when my undiagnosed husband does or says something to upset me right now. He says he has no clue why I get upset (my therapist questions his motives) but there's no point in arguing or trying to justify my feelings.

When I start to feel overwhelmed, I try taking a deep breath, do some yoga, leave the house for a bit. My doctor gave me some meds if it gets really bad but I'm trying not to resort to taking them yet.

What do you do when you feel this way?

[needsupport6]

I know it's important for me to try to regulate my emotions when my undiagnosed husband does or says something to upset me right now. He says he has no clue why I get upset (my therapist questions his motives) but there's no point in arguing or trying to justify my feelings.

When I start to feel overwhelmed, I try taking a deep breath, do some yoga, leave the house for a bit. My doctor gave me some meds if it gets really bad but I'm trying not to resort to taking them yet.

What do you do when you feel this way?

[Confused76]

Hi needsupport6,

You are doing the right thing by regulating your emotions, but make sure you don't swallow them.  The coping mechanisms that you are using all sound good.  Deep breathing has helped me a lot, but I do more then one.  I like to take as deep a breath as I can, through my nose, hold it for a decent amount of time, and slowly let it out via the mouth.  I repeat 5 times and I usually feel significantly better.

Do you like any other type of exercise, besides yoga?  Another way that is great for me to relax and get centered is to either take the dog for a good long walk (close to an hour), or a leisurely bike ride.  The bike ride is nice because you have to pay attention to may things (balance, traffic, condition of road) and you are not stuck dwelling on the emotions from the previous eruption.

Good Luck!

[Validation78]

Hi NS!

There are a number of ways we can make things better, and to regulate our emotions. Exercise is certainly helpful, and so is deep breathing. Communicating with a pwBPD takes some effort, and in order to resolve issues, you will have to be the emotional leader and, as you already know, learn how to control your own emotions, often under pressure. Have you seen these lessons:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913191#msg913191

I have found that learning these tools has been very helpful in keeping myself in check at home and in many other aspects of my life as well.

Best Wishes,

Val78

[waverider]

If you can work out what are the core issues are that upset you any why, then try to put them into perspective of interaction with a disordered mind, that will help.

Understanding your own triggers and having specific reality checks in place when they are activated is a good starting point

Sometimes when we get upset it really is our unresolved problems they are touching on. A totally self balanced and self confident person is a lot harder to upset. That is why we work on us, to make us less vulnerable to the "failings" of an outside person.

[oolia]

Wow, it sounds like you are doing some good things to take care of yourself.  I wish I had started doing those things earlier than I did.  I had such a hard time giving myself permission to disengage when the verbal abuse and craziness started.  But when I did allow myself some space, I coped so much better. Another good thing for me was having a creative outlet... . for awhile I did pottery on the wheel, which is so meditative and therapeutic (you can really pound on clay if you need to!)