So glad to find this board...

[Mink]

I'm so happy to find this board.  I read many posts here and think ... . Why didn't I find this board sooner!    

I have a sister who is undiagnosed BPD.  Long history of drama and its just getting worse. Sadly, it got so bad that I have decided to stay away from her. To say I'm hurt over this is an understatement - not because of what she has done to me (and others) but I can't imagine what life must be like for her.  

I want to be sure I'm not out of line because I really really don't want to make things worse.  So, perhaps you can tell me if these thing make for a BPD person.

*Short temper: as in really short.  It doesn't take much of anything to set her off.  Everyone is always walking on eggshells when they are around her.

*Mean spirited: Once she's mad at you she will not stop until you break.  She'll rip on everything precious in your life and will rip on your every weakness.  

*Always the Victim and Never the Villain:  She blames everyone for everything wrong in her life.  She even blames people for things that never happened but since she is paranoid she thinks they did.

*High sense of self:  Well, sort of.  She can be a very arrogant know-it-all.  :)eep down I think she hates herself.  

*Mood Swings:  Bounces from happy to mad in a heart beat and then usually cries, then repeats the cycle

*Delusional: Things that simply did not happen - have happened to her.  Sadly, she believes it.  

*Smokes Pot: Pretty much on a weekly basis if not more than once a week.  She says this saves her marriage and she can't live without it.  

*Drinks: Although not on a daily basis she drinks regularly.  

*Cutter/Self Inflicted Injuries:  She cuts, puts cigarettes out on her self, and has even scratched herself up badly.

*Has lost so many friends - Her friends love her unconditionally but most of them stay away from her because of her continual attacks on them.

*Lacks parenting skills and emotions:  Her kids are her biggest victims.  They put up with her rages and out of control life style on a daily basis.  She dumps them off at sitters for the weekend because she doesn't want to deal with them. Its as if she has positive emotions for her children when its convenient for her.  

I can go on and on but that's big stuff.  :)o you think she fit the BPD symptoms?  

I feel helpless. My family is torn and I'm not sure what to do.  How do I get her help if she doesn't think she has a problem?  How do I organize the family to get help understanding how to cope?  

Thanks for your help.  

[babyducks]

Hi Mink

and 

It really is a significant challenge to determine if the high conflict personality in your life has BPD. Even professionals trained to do so, sometimes hesitate to make the diagnosis, and none of us here are professionals.

What we do all have here is a wealth of experience and much of it sounds exactly like yours.

It is going to take some time and some investigating of what is going on before you can make informed calm decisions. 

This site is a great place to do that.   There is a lot of information all over this site so please let me point you to a link that will help you today.

BPD: What is it? How can I tell?

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and your sister?  And I am also wondering if your family situation is such that you might find a therapist to talk to for a little while, as you sort this out?   

Both reading and posting here was very helpful to me as I worked to learn better ways to communicate with  partner.   There are things, tools, that do help.

I think its very commendable that you want to organize the family to help them cope.   

Let us know if the link was helpful.

babyducks

[Mink]

Thanks for the welcome Babyducks. 

My sister and I are in our 40's.  We have tried to set up something with a therapist to no avail.  The family is at wits end with the entire situation.  That's the biggest issue is that we can't get her to see a therapist since she doesn't think anything is wrong with herself.

She goes as far as to say that many of us in the family are the ones who have the problems. 

Unfortunately, I had to make the choice to stay away from her.  I couldn't take the continual viscous attacks and sadly I felt I was doing no good in her life.   So, now the family is torn.  Holidays are not the same.  Either my family attends holiday events or hers does.  We can't be in the same place at the same time because she will go out of control.

Thanks for the information - I will definitely be reading up on the boards.