Nothing seems exciting anymore, everything is drab..

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I've been in NC with my ex for some time (not too long), and I'm feeling depressed. Its not that I want her back, but the world just doesn't seem exciting anymore. I used to be so enthusiastic about waking up every morning, now I can barely drag myself out of bed. Everything seems to be drab and dull, and not exciting. I just don't want to do anything anymore. This is a horrible way to live.

Back in the day, when I would leave my ex, I would feel the acute pain of missing her, of wanting to hug her, hold her hand, be with her. Now, I don't feel the pain of missing her, in fact I feel kind of repulsed by her, but everything just feels dull. Being with her was horrible, but at least life wasn't dull, and I had exciting moments when she would be sweet and kind. Now, everything seems empty, as if someone took all of the excitement from the world.

What's wrong with me? IS THIS GONNA END? Did anyone else ever feel the same way? Am I ever going to feel like I felt before I met her?

[cska]

I've been in NC with my ex for some time (not too long), and I'm feeling depressed. Its not that I want her back, but the world just doesn't seem exciting anymore. I used to be so enthusiastic about waking up every morning, now I can barely drag myself out of bed. Everything seems to be drab and dull, and not exciting. I just don't want to do anything anymore. This is a horrible way to live.

Back in the day, when I would leave my ex, I would feel the acute pain of missing her, of wanting to hug her, hold her hand, be with her. Now, I don't feel the pain of missing her, in fact I feel kind of repulsed by her, but everything just feels dull. Being with her was horrible, but at least life wasn't dull, and I had exciting moments when she would be sweet and kind. Now, everything seems empty, as if someone took all of the excitement from the world.

What's wrong with me? IS THIS GONNA END? Did anyone else ever feel the same way? Am I ever going to feel like I felt before I met her?

[seeking balance]

Yeah - I remember this phase... . it takes will power to just act "as if".

It will pass - honestly.  I found it helpful to have a sort of goal - like a marathon or something that makes you take steps towards it.

There is nothing wrong with you - you are depressed, this is how healthy people feel when they grieve (I know, not fun).

,

SB

[Onmyown]

I've been in NC with my ex for some time (not too long), and I'm feeling depressed. Its not that I want her back, but the world just doesn't seem exciting anymore. I used to be so enthusiastic about waking up every morning, now I can barely drag myself out of bed. Everything seems to be drab and dull, and not exciting. I just don't want to do anything anymore. This is a horrible way to live.

Back in the day, when I would leave my ex, I would feel the acute pain of missing her, of wanting to hug her, hold her hand, be with her. Now, I don't feel the pain of missing her, in fact I feel kind of repulsed by her, but everything just feels dull. Being with her was horrible, but at least life wasn't dull, and I had exciting moments when she would be sweet and kind. Now, everything seems empty, as if someone took all of the excitement from the world.


What's wrong with me? IS THIS GONNA END? Did anyone else ever feel the same way? Am I ever going to feel like I felt before I met her?

Boy do I ever know how that feels.

I wanted to sleep, but had a hard time sleeping - my mind processed all night long.

My house was a wreck, but dog was depressed because I wasn't spending time with him.  Had a hard time getting dressed or a bsic shower because I didn't leave the house "who cares."

I was like that for about two weeks and then I had to MAKE myself start moving.  Once I got up and did one small project, the next one was easier.  I looked around and noticed that things were neater and brighter and I felt the same way inside.

I joined a running group and I have something to look forward to, hanging out with healthy people.

Get yourself up, do one small project and give yourself a pat on the back - then keep moving in that direction.

[willtimeheal]

You are not alone. I feel like this also sometimes. I felt like it every day at first but it is slowly getting better.  It will pass but you have to give it time. I often wonder too if I will ever return to the happy enthusiastic person I was before I met her, so know your feelings are normal.  Onmyown is right you have to force yourself to get up and do things. I had to make myself go places and see friends. I had to slap a smile on my face and go back out into the world. It was hard and sometimes I would find myself in the bathroom of a restaurant crying but I would pull myself together. It is still hard and I am on four months since my break up with my BPD. I have good days and bad days still. On the bad days I cut myself a break. Take it one step at a time. Each day write down one thing u are going to do for yourself... . go for a walk, get ice cream, read... . and then do it. And as it becomes easier add another activity to the list. You have to find you again. That was and and is the hardest part for me... . finding me again. It is a struggle.

[Learning_curve74]

In addition to the above advice, I'd say reach out to your good friends. Some friends had already reached out to me before I broke it off with BPDex, and I reached out and explained what I could to other friends. They have been incredibly supportive and have been telling me so many things that I knew already but needed to hear from somebody else. They are pushing me and encouraging me both of which I need right now. I feel truly blessed and truly loved which gives me strength to keep on my path.

[Hazelrah]

CSKA,

I can commiserate.  My first three weeks or so I was useless--drinking too much (and I am NOT a drinker), splayed out on the couch in the middle of a weekend afternoon, staring blankly at a computer screen for the better part of each workday.  But as time continues to move on, little respites of feeling human are starting to pop up again--I'm not feeling 'good' per se, but I'm not as miserable as I was a few short weeks ago.  Time really is a great healer.  I know I'm going to fall back and forth 'cross the stages of detachment and grief as i move through this, but I also know a sense of normalcy will eventually come back, and I'll be able to make better sense of what brought me to this point and what I need to do to move past it.  

It's simply part of the process.  The previous posters are right... . you need to push yourself (gently) to do a bit more each day.  For the next little while, give yourself something to look forward to on a daily basis, and congratulate yourself each night for having plowed through another 24 hours.  Today was my birthday, and it was the loneliest one of my life... . but I made it through and I'm still kicking.

[ScotisGone74]

Alot of people compare it to coming off drugs.   And psysiologically, it does relate.  Dopamine is the chemical in your brain that is released that makes you feel all good and tingly, like when someone gets high on a drug, or in our case, when you are receiving constant compliments and sex 24/7, such as I in the beginning.  As such, the longer the relationship goes on, the less and less good times we feel, leaving us wanting it more and more-much like a meth or crack user/addict. 

Its not an easy fix to get over, takes alot of time, learning about yourself and BPD, talking to trusted friends and family, and reading up on these boards really helps as well. 

[cska]

Thanks a lot guys! I guess I'll take it one day at a time and set small goals.

I would get frustrated with myself and think of myself as a looser for not being able to get out of this "do nothing all day" state. I guess I'll have to be kinder to myself and take baby steps...

[willtimeheal]

Cska

I am four months into my break up. I miss my ex BPD terribly. I was useless for the first month. I found no joy in anything. I did end up going to the doctors and getting medication to help me through the rough spots. It helped. But even with meds I have to push myself to get out and try to enjoy myself. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. But with medication and therapy I am slowly dealing with what I have been through... . four years of abuse. I am learning to forgive her and myself. I still miss her and want her back (she has a new live but texts that she wants me but won't tell the new love how she really feels)... crazy I know ... . but I deal those feelings in therapy. 

You will be on a roller coaster for the next few months. I wouldfeeling like things were getting better and then old feelings would come out of no where and boom I was back to square one. But I wasn't there as long. So hang in there. Make yourself get out, journal your feelings, post here, talk to friends and family, see a therapist if you can, and give yourself a break. You have been thru an experience that has rocked your core. It is going to take time to heal.

[ObiRedKenobi]

I get feeling that way sometimes. At night when everything is quiet. I've avoided feeling this way for the most part by keeping myself busy. I work hard taking on extra projects and going the extra mile. At quitting time I get in my car and I'm gone. I will go run or hike. I have some wood working projects I'm doing since I got left with pretty much no furniture. I work on training my dog. I hang out with friends or family. I'm taking a day trip Saturday just to get out of town for the day.

Basically I've filled that void left by her with things that I want to do for me. I get the added benefit of having lost 15 pounds in the past month(I'm feeling better than in a long time), nice new furniture, and by the time I get home I'm so tired that I just watch tv for a few minutes before I turn in for the night and fall right to sleep. Its easy now but at first it was hard to get and keep myself going.