7 Months Very LC with BPD Mom, Amazing

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Just passed the 7 month mark of very LC with BPD Mom. I should have done this years ago. In the past 7 months, I have not had a single panic attack. Previously, I was having them 2-3 times per week. Also, I have not had to take any anti-anxiety medication. Not that it has been easy, particularly as BPD mom lives only a half mile away. She continues to call multiple times per day but I do not answer the calls. At first, she was very angry and spitting rage in her voicemails, which i just deleted, but as the months passed, she started leaving voicemails acting friendly, as though nothing ever happened. This did not surprise me as it was her pattern when I was a kid: blow up unexpectedly and rage continuously, then a couple days of the silent treatment, then the next morning wake up and act as though nothing ever happened. I routinely ignore, ignore, ignore. It is not easy, but I am so much less angry inside now and I have control over my life instead of dancing to her moods. I wish I had done this 15 years ago.

[BooKat]

Just passed the 7 month mark of very LC with BPD Mom. I should have done this years ago. In the past 7 months, I have not had a single panic attack. Previously, I was having them 2-3 times per week. Also, I have not had to take any anti-anxiety medication. Not that it has been easy, particularly as BPD mom lives only a half mile away. She continues to call multiple times per day but I do not answer the calls. At first, she was very angry and spitting rage in her voicemails, which i just deleted, but as the months passed, she started leaving voicemails acting friendly, as though nothing ever happened. This did not surprise me as it was her pattern when I was a kid: blow up unexpectedly and rage continuously, then a couple days of the silent treatment, then the next morning wake up and act as though nothing ever happened. I routinely ignore, ignore, ignore. It is not easy, but I am so much less angry inside now and I have control over my life instead of dancing to her moods. I wish I had done this 15 years ago.

[Marcia]

I know what you mean, it is quite a relief. NC has given me a chance to process and gain insight into what we had been putting up with--I think it is fair after lots of trying to get off the crazy bus of BPD abuse. 

Please don't be afraid to continue to take care of yourself. 

[frozensolid]

This month is one year of NC for me.  My situation was much the same with the BPD rage, days of silent treatment, and then acting like everything was back to normal.  It wasn't until much later in life did I finally realize that the stress caused by the rage/silent treatment and the intense relief when things went back to "normal" were not normal at all. 

I don't miss it at all!  I'm glad you are feeling good about it.

[losthero]

Bookat,  when you say low contact, what do you mean?   How often and by what means do you communicate with her? My uBPD mom gives me panic attacks too and the antidepressant put 10 pounds on me.  She called me 18 times today raging at me and leaving crazy evil voicemail messages.

[BlueCat]

BooKat, how awesome I'm happy for you I also wish I had done this years ago but hey, better late than never right? 

[BooKat]

Absolutely Bluecat, much better late than never! I actually enjoy time with my own family now, instead of fretting over BPD mom. Frozen, I had that moment too, when I finally realized that "normal" was not at all normal, which made me angry, and then just really sad. Lost hero, LC to me means that I never answer her calls. When I see her number pop up, I let it go to voicemail. I delete it later and I don't listen to the angry rants. If I bump into her around town, I am formally polite but I do not answer any questions about my personal life and refuse to provide any information or news about me or my family as she will store that info to use later as a weapon against me if she can (a classic MO of hers).  She shows up at school events but I won't sit near her because she will talk loudly and in a really bad way about the parents sitting near us (my friends and acquaintances!). It was humiliating. Putting up this wall between us has been the best thing I have ever done and I have not physically and mentally felt this well in years. Good luck with yours. Marcia, off the crazy bus is a good place to be!