Destroying reminders of relationship

[Depression = 72% of members]

When my separated BPDw first decided to end our relationship and move out of our house, she made a concerted effort to destroy past reminders of our love.  For example, we wrote letters to one another on our wedding day--they were to be sealed until a point in time when the relationship might be in jeopardy, at which time the point would be to read them and remember the feelings that had first led us to joining our lives together in the first place.  Additionally, we'd proudly kept the first letters we'd ever written to eachother in which we professed our love for one another (on Valentine's Day, no less)--they were beautiful pieces of prose, as we both consider ourselves competent writers.

When I really felt things beginning to slip between us, I pulled those wedding letters out one morning, with the intention we could read them together when I returned from work that night.  Yet upon my return, instead of sharing an important moment, she'd claimed to have destroyed them, as well as the 'first love' letters we'd kept on our fridge.  I was devastated on both accounts.

Does anyone else have a similar experience?  Is it merely an attempt to bury the past and the shame they may feel for their actions?

[Hazelrah]

When my separated BPDw first decided to end our relationship and move out of our house, she made a concerted effort to destroy past reminders of our love.  For example, we wrote letters to one another on our wedding day--they were to be sealed until a point in time when the relationship might be in jeopardy, at which time the point would be to read them and remember the feelings that had first led us to joining our lives together in the first place.  Additionally, we'd proudly kept the first letters we'd ever written to eachother in which we professed our love for one another (on Valentine's Day, no less)--they were beautiful pieces of prose, as we both consider ourselves competent writers.

When I really felt things beginning to slip between us, I pulled those wedding letters out one morning, with the intention we could read them together when I returned from work that night.  Yet upon my return, instead of sharing an important moment, she'd claimed to have destroyed them, as well as the 'first love' letters we'd kept on our fridge.  I was devastated on both accounts.

Does anyone else have a similar experience?  Is it merely an attempt to bury the past and the shame they may feel for their actions?

[eeyore]

Try not to attempt to make sense out of crazy.  It's whatever the BPD feels at the time.  And there's no logic to their feelings at any moment of time.  I used to hide anything important to me because I felt like he would destroy/damage my things whenever he was "mad" at me.  Of course he'd claim it was unintentional. 

Most have issues with intimacy and exhibit push/pull behavior.  Push you away and then pull you back in.  I used to call it the pendulum.  He'd go from one extreme to the other.  And not remember most of what he had done or he'd rewrite the story to make it fit.

[peas]

My ex-uBPDbf destroyed a piece of my property in a drunken rage. That wounded me badly. It was early in our r/s and it was the first of many chances I should never have given him. 

I also noticed he was slowly erasing traces of me around his house. He didn't hang on to things. It was strange. He did not keep cards, photos, mementos of anything -- except his golf score cards. He practically framed those.

So yes, in my experience, pwBPD destroy reminders of relationships.

[obtunded]

The first time I met my wife she was sitting in front of her computer deleting pictures of her most recent ex. Foreshadowing? Or a warning? Didn't matter... . I gladly hopped aboard the train that I should've known was going to derail.

[sadinnc98]

Every time we broke up, he would get rid of any traces of me-delete pictures, throw away cards, notes, throw away my stuff in the bathroom, block me from everything. He said he had to "bury me" in his mind. 

[peas]

OMG, yes!

Every time we broke up he would get rid of any traces of me-delete pictures, throw away cards, notes, throw away my stuff in the bathroom, block me from everything. He said he had to "bury me" in his mind.

Same here. After a breakup, all reminders of me gone -- from household things to my virtual self (FB, e-mail, blocked my number).

It was sad because I stopped creating mementos. After one of our breakups and when we were back to a good phase, he wanted framed picture of us to keep in his home office. He asked me several times to have the picture printed. I said okay, but ignored the request because I thought: Why bother, you will just destroy it when you are mad at me next. I also thought: If you want it bad enough, do it yourself.

[sadinnc98]

OMG, yes!

Every time we broke up he would get rid of any traces of me-delete pictures, throw away cards, notes, throw away my stuff in the bathroom, block me from everything. He said he had to "bury me" in his mind.

Same here. After a breakup, all reminders of me gone -- from household things to my virtual self (FB, e-mail, blocked my number).

It was sad because I stopped creating mementos. After one of our breakups and when we were back to a good phase, he wanted framed picture of us to keep in his home office. He asked me several times to have the picture printed. I said okay, but ignored the request because I thought: Why bother, you will just destroy it when you are mad at me next. I also thought: If you want it bad enough, do it yourself.

Reading your posts, I feel like we dated the same person... . crazy how these BPDs are all so alike... I read a lot of your other posts and can relate to about everything you have written!

[dancinginthelight]

I put all the cards with beautiful words and love notes in my shredder

about 8 months after he left me. I gave his clothes and some books that

he had left behind to charity.  I deleted every photo of him off my phone,

and I will be replacing the microwave he gave me just weeks before I found

out about his cheating when I am able to afford a new one.

I just couldnt keep anything that reminded me of him.

[dancinginthelight]

Does this make me the one who is ill?

[peas]

Sadinnc98, yep, after reading a lot of stories on this message board, it seems there is no mistaking BPD symptoms. It's stunning how clear the composite BPD person is.

The good thing about reading other people's stories is I have found "answers" to so many questions I had for my ex after the breakup that my ex could or would never provide. Part of my depression following the breakup was tied to "Why? Why did he do this or that? What did that mean? Why does he hate me? Why didn't either of us stop the relationship after earlier recycles? Why won't he keep any traces of me in his house?... . "

I don't need to turn to him anymore to help me move on.

[Nearlybroken]

Following our split my expwBPD destroyed all of the cards and letters I had sent him,tore pages out of books that I had given him where I had written something on (kept the books).Deleted every picture of me from FB, took me off FB threw out every picture of me that he had.Though he made feeble excuses in respect of the FB pictures etc ,he seemed to take great pleasure in telling me that he had ripped up all of the cards and letters that I had written whilst he was "having a hissy fit" (his words).I think that he enjoyed telling me  what he had done as he was giving me a clear indication that the words that had meant so much to me when I wrote them meant so little to him.

[Lucky Jim]

Hi Hazelrah, Sure, this is typical drama for a pwBPD.  In my view, this is the kind of childish impulsive behavior that those w/BPD exhibit under stress.  They feel hurt, yet it comes out as rage, and something needs to be broken or destroyed in order to soothe their turbulent emotions.  Basically, it's a temper tantrum.  During our first breakup, before the first of many recycles, my Ex destroyed a drawing that I did on an outing with her, which I had given to her as a gift.  She tore it up and threw it in the garbage.  This should have been a red flag for me . . . but I had never heard of BPD and was good at ignoring all the red flags that were practically flapping me in the face!  Be thankful you are out of the BPD r/s and movin' on --  Lucky Jim

[charred]

Yep typical.

My exBPDgf was at my apartment long ago when I was taking a shower (lived in an apartment with my dad while in college... ) and she was snooping around my room and found a stack of Playboys... got furious and chopped them in to little pieces and put them on my bed for me to find. My dad went to put something in my room and yelled "What the hell happened to my Playboys!"... . and the look on her face was priceless. 

Years later her version of the story was that they were mine, and she was justified.

Within minutes of a breakup she always had me blocked on FB, mail, her cell and home phones, as well as tossing any pics of us in the trash. It was pretty juvenile.