Opinions please

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all-

Against my better judgement, I had a conversation with my stbxuBPDh last night.  He was talking about feelings and emotions.  Now in the 12 years we were married he never wanted to talk about feeling and emotions except to tell me that mine were wrong.

I'm thinking he's just mirroring is girlfriend, who happens to be a therapist.

Or do you think he's actually aware of his feeling and emotions?

He's still projecting onto me everything he did in the marriage (distance himself, not talk to me- basically blame me for the downfall of the marriage) so I'm utterly confused.

What do you make of this?

[MovingOnForLife]

Hi all-

Against my better judgement, I had a conversation with my stbxuBPDh last night.  He was talking about feelings and emotions.  Now in the 12 years we were married he never wanted to talk about feeling and emotions except to tell me that mine were wrong.

I'm thinking he's just mirroring is girlfriend, who happens to be a therapist.

Or do you think he's actually aware of his feeling and emotions?

He's still projecting onto me everything he did in the marriage (distance himself, not talk to me- basically blame me for the downfall of the marriage) so I'm utterly confused.

What do you make of this?

[seeking balance]

Wow  the new GF is a therapist - that should lead to some fun mirroring.

Let's pretend he is aware of his feelings and emotions now - that does not mean he now has the skills to regulate them, thus the projection as a defense mechanism.

What are you confused about exactly - the fact you 2 have different realities?  That was certainly confusing to me until I just accepted it as a fact.

Peace,

SB

[Lucky Jim]

Hi Movin'on, Those w/BPD, in my view, have limited ability for self-reflection so I doubt your stbx has gained much, if any, insight into his own behaviors and feelings.  I think those w/BPD are ruled by their turbulent emotions, yet have almost no capacity to regulate or control those feelings, so in a sense they are prisoners of their own emotions.  Although they act out on their feelings, they can't really explain or understand why they take the actions that they do.  Yet they are convinced that what they do is right -- so the blame falls on others!  Hang in there, Lucky Jim