Odd Closure

[asher2]

Yesterday I posted for the first time in awhile, giving my thoughts within a thread about if all exes make contact or not after a breakup. I shared my story of how my ex sent me a text seven months to the day of us breaking up, totally out-of-the-blue. She sent me a picture of a city I used to live in (far away from where her and I are both from and met) and told me that the city was looking beautiful and hoped all was well where I was at back "home." Apparently she was in the city where I was used to live and for some reason, thought it would be appropriate to send a matter-of-fact text to me like we were still buddies or something. I found the whole thing really odd and never responded to her.

Commenting within that thread must have triggered something within me because I started thinking about her a lot last night. I don't want her back and I hope she stays out of my life, but for some reason, I kept thinking about her last night. So last night, I did something that I haven't done since we broke up nearly a year ago. I Googled her name. What I found was on one hand surprising and on the other, not at all.

I discovered that she moved away with the guy she left me for. She now lives half way across the country from her family and as far as I know, does not know anyone besides the guy she's with in this city. Oh, and that text with the picture she sent? I now see that she must have took it while she was moving there as that city would have been on her way to where she moved.

Am I shocked that she did this? Not really. The guy has money and I'm quite positive that is what the relationship is about. Money, for whatever reason, makes her feel secure. When our relationship started, she was actually somewhat seeing the guy that she ended up leaving me for. However, she said this about him "I never really had feelings for him... .I wasn't even that physically attracted to him." When I asked why she was with him she said, "I just knew he would have taken care of me." When I asked her, if she thought she deserved better than that, to be totally happy with the person you are dating, she said "No." That right there should have been a red flag for me. And yes, I know, you are not supposed to cling to words that were said. However, I look back and when she made these comments, she had no reason to lie... .things were going really well between us. At that point in time, there was no reason for her to lie or embellish the truth. I actually believe those words she said. As I said earlier, she's after this guy's money.

In any event, seeing that she has moved has had a weird effect on me. It's brought more closure. Since we've broken up, I've always had in the back of my mind the thought "what's next?" What is she going to do that I can't even predict, but I'll have to deal with. With her moving so far away, that puts my mind much more at ease as I think it makes it a little more difficult for her to do that. Her moving away also mentally tells me, "move on... .she has." Even though I think the relationship she is in now is destined for failure, for whatever reason, her moving so far away has sent a message to me that it's OK to move on myself.

Its funny that I was so careful for so long to not Google her or look her up at all. I was so protective of myself. I'm proud of the fact I was able to do that and it really didn't bother me at all. In a very odd way, it brought closure.

[Ironmanrises]

That is great that you were able to find closure.

I just caution on the whole "she has moved on" bit because... .

PwBPD(from reading countless accounts on here) never really move on... .

She even contacted you 7 months later while she is with someone else... .

Just shows she will try again some point down the line.

Dont let your guard down.

A good predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

Nonetheless, great post.

[asher2]

Ironman... .great point about her sending the text to me while she was with the other guy. I thought about that last night. How would that guy like to know that as she's moving to be with him, she's texting her old boyfriends? And there is no doubt in my mind she was fishing with that text (this occurred a couple of months ago). It's almost like she was playing up the "save me" routine. I think by sending that picture she was probably trying to tell me without saying too much, "I'm moving away, this is your last chance."

And you are right, I know they are never really done. But as I mentioned, having her living so far away now, for whatever reason, puts my mind much more at ease.

[Ironmanrises]

Ironman... .great point about her sending the text to me while she was with the other guy. I thought about that last night. How would that guy like to know that as she's moving to be with him, she's texting her old boyfriends? And there is no doubt in my mind she was fishing with that text (this occurred a couple of months ago). It's almost like she was playing up the "save me" routine. I think by sending that picture she was probably trying to tell me without saying too much, "I'm moving away, this is your last chance."

And you are right, I know they are never really done. But as I mentioned, having her living so far away now, for whatever reason, puts my mind much more at ease.

In bold.

She will do to him what was done to you.

That awful behavior.

Your mind at ease... .A definite good sign.

Stay strong.