New Member - Daughter of a BPD/Narcissistic Mother

[newsgirl89]

Hello everyone! I am thrilled to have found this website. My mother was diagnosed with BPD in June; however, myself, my grandmother, grandfather, aunt and uncle have all known for MANY years that was the case.

After 24 years of turmoil, mood swings, love, hate, abuse, mental and emotional distress and at times physical. I have finally cut my BPD mother off.

We had a conversation last night about an issue I had with her boyfriend. A very, small issue that I wanted to discuss with her. Being the BPD mother that she is, she got defensive, started screaming, cursing and losing her mind because as you all know BPD people are never wrong and are perfection.

This is the same reaction I get every time there's ever an issue or she doesn't get her way.

Luckily I am at the age where I am supporting myself etc... .and don't need her in anyway anymore. I decided I was DONE. I got off the phone with her after she hung up on me. And texted her and told her not to call me anymore.

I am going through a lot of emotions today. Anger, hurt, resentment, mourning the loss of my mother, guilt. The list goes on.

All I know is, I can't have my mother in my life right now. Has anyone else experienced these feelings after cutting off a BPD mother?

Thanks so much!

Claire

[winston72]

Hey Claire!  Welcome to BPD Family.  It is wonderful that you are here.  Your quest for knowledge, insight and support will, certainly already has, produce strength and wholeness in your life.

I cannot address your feelings directly as my mother passed away before I was aware of personality disorders.  My mother was quite volatile and was clouded by alcohol and prescription drugs.  It is a testament to the power of denial that I did not fully embrace the level of her dysfunction until after she was gone.  I don't think I was really capable of digesting how significant it was until then.

The range of emotions and thoughts that derive from a disordered parent is incredibly complex.  I don't need to tell you this!  But perhaps it affirms your range of emotions to be reminded of it.  I am 58 years old and am sorting out so many of the impacts from her parenting.  It is often really frustrating, but also the source of much genuine joy and hope in my life... .the struggle for growth that is!

Anyway, I just wanted to offer you my welcome and to tell you how encouraged I am that you are here.  In spite of the difficulty and pain you are experiencing, you have positioned yourself for a more full and rewarding life.

I look forward to hearing more from you and following your progress.

[zone out]

Hi Claire

I would like to join Winston in welcoming you to BPD family.  There are some great resources on this site to help you.  How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her Children Have a look around and read lots of posts - you will find a lot of us are going through similar experiences.  I myself have an uBPD mother - at least you have finally got a diagnosis - that's progress.

I can so identify with your comment that they are always right - one of the senior members explained to me when I joined the site that 'their feelings are their reality' - that was my lightbulb moment!

Keep reading and posting - if you want help with any particular subject, start a new thread with that heading.  We all work together to share experiences and help one another.

All best wishes to you.

Zone out

[Breathing new air]

Newsgirl,  I am glad you found us here. I cannot tell you how much I have gotten out of the boards.

I can say that my cut off from my mom was in a lot of ways similar. A scene that is etched in my memory and I try not to go back to. But yes, in answer to your question. I have felt them all in the last two years. My mom is uBPD. She would never go seek help because nothing is wrong with her. She is also high enough functioning where to so many she looks kind. Although that is wearing thin in the last few years since dad passed. She has no one to blame her behaviors on. I still feel it.

As zone out says, the posts themselves will tell you so much of what you are are feeling is normal. Good luck.  It is a great group of people who are very supportive.