Beginning Stages of RTC Placement - Continuation of Daughter was Arrested.

[raytamtay3]

I feel inpartial. I feel relieved. I am in strictly business mode right now. And am surprised at myself for not being more sympathetic. But after everything she has done, she has lost it.  DD still contends she was raped, so there is an investigation under way. It does bother me a bit that i dont believe her. I feel she would say anything at tbis point to prevent incarceration. But at the same time, i have that what if in my mind. And then again at the same time, feel jf it did happen, its because she put herself in the position to have that happen by taking off to someones house who she didnt know, allegedly going for a drive with someone she didnt know, etc. I know thats probably taboo thinking, but at the present time, its how i feel.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[crazedncrazymom]

There is no taboo thinking.  There is only taboo saying.  Don't say anything to her that might lead to regrets later.  You have every right to doubt her story or even think that she played  part in it.  Nobody asks to be raped, but we also don't go walking in Camden in the middle of the night.  We do what we can to protect our children. You have every right to feel angry when something happens when she has refused your protection.  It's a lot for you to take in.  I'm sure you will experience the whole gamut of emotions as this all plays out.  Please try to be ok and accept all of your thoughts and feelings about this situation.  They are all valid. The police and social workers will help sort all this out. 

Where did they find her? 

[raytamtay3]

The story is her and her friend called the convict boyfriends sister to come pick them up and bring them to boyfriend's house because they didnt know where else to go. I did say to DD that sbe put herself in that position. I realize now that it was not the right thing to say but i was so angry that she did just that - put herself in thst position. Oh and apparently now it wasnt camden they went to. It was gloucester.

[pessim-optimist]

Raytam,

It was stressful just reading this thread - you must have been put through the wringer... .  

It's SO good to hear your dd is safe now. Time for you to exhale, and finally be able to relax a bit.

I don't blame you for doubting your dd's story. Two reasons: 1. You love her, it would be so much better if it didn't happen. 2. There is no way to know for sure, because you have experience she has lied many times before. Right now, it's too traumatic. Perhaps sometime in the future, it will become a good teaching point of why and how you are keeping her safe (regardless of whether it really happened or not)... .

I have read that toddlers will misbehave in order to find where the boundary is, and that parents provide the boundaries to keep the kids safe. The toddler learns to operate within those boundaries and feels safe.

I think that with children and adults wBPD and even with ODD, it is a similar thing, just in extreme and disordered ways. It is easy to control the environment of a toddler, and it is even easy to physically restrain them, if necessary. It is not so easy or even possible with adolescents or adults. If/when they have not been able to learn to cooperate and learn to respect boundaries, they are on a self-destructive route of constant pushing further and further, busting through boundaries, and being/feeling out of control. They have not learned that boundaries provide safety. They see boundaries as their enemy.

Some need the extreme outside control of RTC in order to learn to cooperate and respect boundaries instead of busting them... .

You are doing the right thing Raytam, I have hopes for your dd that she will get better with the help of a good RTC.

[raytamtay3]

And so it begins. The guilt is setting in. I know I'm doing the right thing. It just sucks I even have to.

[MammaMia]

Raytam

Your dd has put herself in this position, and yes, she is mentally ill.  You have no control over either of those factors.  You should not feel guilty about her decisions.

As a parent, you love your dd and want to give her the opportunity to change. Do not feel guilty about that.

[raytamtay3]

Thanks. I just hate that the judge asked for my input whether to keep her or release her him home. And for her to hear me say to keep her in custody because she is a threat to herself and others. Suppose it is true that she was assaulted? Am i going to make things worse?

[P.F.Change]

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