Wow. So lately I've been realizing my mom may be BPD. Explains a lot. She's 70 now and sometimes I get so sad. I know she never asked to have the things happen to her that did, so I can't blame her, yet sometimes I do.
Though mostly, I really educate myself and am patient, and exercise what I learn. And sometimes I get so sad and wish that if I said the right thing she might get help. She's gotten better over the years.
And sometimes it's still really, really hard. Or I make it hard on myself.
Mine is in her early 70s. She was diagnosed with Depression, but in retrospect she has at least 4 BPD traits. I am in my early 40s, but in my mid 20s, I told her I forgave her for a lot of things. She didn't admit to much, but teared up and nodded greatfully. Of course, I had moved out of her house literally on my 18th bday when I could legally sign a lease. After the mid-20s apology, I moved out of state for 3 years (running myself, but it turned out to be a good thing, and I came back). Her childhood was
horrible. After her breakdown and "coming out" about her childhood rape (I think the word molestation doesn't convey the evil of the act) for 7 years, which only ended when her father died, we got closer. It enabled me to have a lot of mercy towards her, and compassion.
Yet just this past month, when discussing my BPDx with her, my mom told me one more thing... .that the year after her mom died (two years before her father died), he would periodically bring prostitutes into their home to live with them. Can you imagine? My God, yes, I have a lot of compassion for that. She did a lot of bad things, but nothing compared to what she went through. One wonders what her father went through in his childhood. How many generations will the sins of the fathers (my X's case... .made her the way she is) or mothers rain down upon us?