What to tell my daughter? What to tell her sister?

[mjn9]

My 15 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with BPD, although it seems to be more of a tentative diagnosis than an official one at this point. The signs seem to match up with her pretty well, though.

I'm wondering if I should tell her what her diagnosis is, maybe helps explain the pain she has been feeling, how much we've not understood what she is going through, that there is difficult work for her and us ahead, and that DBT therapy seems to have very good success rates for this illness.

In many ways I think she wants to know what is going on with her and wants some control.

On the other hand I am worried that it might be too much scary information too fast and may drive her even further into self-loathing and despair.  Maybe it would be better to wait until she is in some DBT therapy first? Or let a professional (her psychiatrist or therapist) give her the information and help her understand it?

What has been your experience?

Further, her older sister (16 yo) is very upset and confused about what has been going on in the last year or so. I've  let her know a little bit (basically that her sister has a serious mental illness that is behind many of the behaviors that are so upsetting and frustrating and that she will need to try to be patient and as understanding as she can be for awhile). But I'm wondering when, if ever, it is appropriate for me to tell her that her sister has BPD and what that means to her and the family.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BioAdoptMom3]

Ours is 14 and I have been thinking about it too, but her therapist said since they are defined as traits until their late teens rather than disorder it is better to wait a couple more years before seriously addressing it.  That is just her take on it though.  I would consider asking your daughter's doctor or therapist. 

[ilusa26]

I feel my daughter has had more cutting and suicidal ideation after she found out she has BPD.