Something is broken, not healing after breakup

[human101]

Nearly 3 months after breakup with BPDGF, I'm struggling to heal. Thought I was over her and had understood and dealt with the whole experience, and started dating new women. But I keep sliding back to ruminating on the good bits, the bad bits, the breakup, what we could be doing now... .I've been NC since the breakup (except for posting her stuff back with no note). Only got 1 drunk call from her at 2am one night followed by an apologetic email the next morning  (didn't hear call or respond). Feel a bit envious of all the people who get contacted by their Ex's... .mine seems to have just walked away scott free.

Have slipped into depression, cry a lot, feel like there's nothing to look forward to, I'll never meet anyone else I like as much as I liked her.  Have started course of anti depressants.  Am seeing a T weekly. Feel very lonely and bewildered.  How did I get here, to be all alone? Feel something is broken inside me.

[Octoberfest]

Hi human 

If you don't mind me asking, how long did you date your BPDex? and did you ever live together?

I dated my BPDex over a time period of 9 months, with probably 1.5 months total accumulated time broken up dispersed throughout that time period here and there.  I would say I was involved for the course of 9 months.

It has been just over 6 months now, and while I am worlds better than I was I still hurt some.  At 3 months? I was still a mess.  Be kind to yourself.

[Punchbag]

Hi Human101,

I'm going through something similar at the moment. Lots of confusion, sadness, and no answers. Things will get better. Stay in NC, and keep doing little positive things every day for yourself. Renew friendships with others, hobbies, visit someone who isn't feeling well, write down your feelings etc.

You will get there, it takes time, and what you're going through now is normal. When going through hell, keep going.

[human101]

Thank you both so much for reaching out.  I was only with her for 3 months, (with breakups and recycles) its silly, I know. But there was a lot of connection, intensity, falling in love, hopes for a future etc... .I know these all now part of the pattern with BPDSOs... but it felt real at the time.

[caughtnreleased]

I had a similar time period of dating... .then he went no contact, vanished into thin air.  I too felt totally ridiculous for having such a difficult time getting over it, but I've learned to understand, and accept what I had, and didn't have with him. It's been 8 months NC.  I would say it's only been in the last two months that I have really started to detach, and strangely enough, am able to feel genuine love for him, since I don't feel that I "need" him to fill a void in my life.  I am no longer attached to what he does, what he is and where he goes. I've cut him loose, or cut myself loose... .There is a great deal of freedom in that.  So yes, be kind to yourself, look to other things/people to help you grow, and move onwards and upwards. 

[BuildingFromScratch]

I can't wait to let her go.