Getting family to understand

[almostvegan]

For the longest time we kept our daughters' illness from family because they are very

Old fashioned and closed minded, very ashamed of things. Slowly we have been letting bits of information seep out ( not her dx) about her condition.

I just had a fight with my husbands sister. I was telling her that we make a big deal about birthdays in our family bc sometimes it's very hard to be a member of my immediate family. She said, " oh we all have our problems" my answer was " I feel like you're diminishing my daughters illness. Mental illness is the same type of " sick" that cancer is. Just as deadly. Don't diminish her illness" she proceeded to tell me about her sister in law's Down syndrome child who

Leaves excrement smeared on the bathroom walls and how THAT is a lifelong condition that will never go away.  I got so upset. I told her again that's diminishing my life situation.  I'm not a moron. I KNOW every family has their stuff. I didn't need a lecture from her.

My mother in law ( her mother) is equally if not more infuriating.  I have no family to speak of my patents are deceased and I was an only child. I have wonderful friends who I'm close to but sometimes to just want famy to understand. I feel like they think we make a big deal out of nothing.  I had a huge fight with husbands brother once that ended with me shouting at him,"come talk to me about mental health when YOUR daughter starts slicing herself up like a turkey!"

I guess I'm feeling more sensitive to them lately but it still hurts. My husband doesn't care what they think and feels no need to explain or educate them. I feel we should have them all over and explain in detail the LIFELONG CONDITION my child suffers from. I'd have a whole presentation with slides etc. I just feel like they should get their heads out of the sand and fully understand. These are the people my daughter will have to rely on after my husband and I are gone. Shouldn't they understand she's not " just moody", or " being difficult"?

Thank you for listening

AV

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[trytrytry]

Dear Almost Vegan,

Sorry to hear about your distress. Your husband's family sounds alot like my ex's.  Any time my ex would tell them something about our DD 27, the gossip and judgement would fly!  They are now all ex's, so I don't need to deal with this, but I'm sorry for my daughter, and I'm sorry for you.  Thank goodness for this board, where folks really know, and care.