No what ?

[Grissum69]

So now that I am enduring this pain / anguish, feelings of total loss and other indescribable feelings  :'(   Where do I begin, where do I start the process to get my self back again or does this happen at all.   I don't know the cycle of a person with with BP, I do know that I went to therapy last time because i was down to my last straw an was thinking suicide.  I did some therapy for 6 weeks and it helped me, I was able to regain myself and move on.  Needless to say when I got finished with therapy "She" sent me text again and the whole spiral started again.  How and why I got myself into all of this is yet to be determined...   I love her , that's the first reason, I accepted her for who she was and didn't know she was "Sick" at the time... well I was informed of past cutting instances, frivolous sex with other guys for S n G.   Yeah but I'm at a point where I don't know where to turn to understand why...   I didn't get any closer at all from this she just up and left, said I was at fault for not giving her attention ( holding her , hand, PDA and so on).  Honestly this relationship could have been saved had it not been for me catching her cheating on me again. 

I'm pretty upset, sad / depressed about this but I try with all of might to not dwell on it.  Where to turn ? 

[Grissum69]

Sorry for the typos, was thinking faster than I could type it out

[Grissum69]

I can't help but think about the things she has told me, how much we were / are so different from each other.  What she thinks I want in a woman that she can't provide or doesn't know how to.  I feel like I can do no right at all...    and i am well aware I can and have done almost everything to make her happy.  I miss her a lot, wonder if she thinks about me as i do her.  Would like to hold her in my arms and not let go  :'(

[heartandwhole]

Greengiant71,

This is really hard, I'm sorry you are going through this. It's very understandable to miss her and not know where to turn.  We're here to listen and support you. 

You absolutely can get yourself back again.  Grieving a loss is a process, with ups and downs.

Please be gentle with yourself and take what your ex said with a grain of salt.  Many people with BPD have a hard time taking responsibility for their own actions and part in relationships – her blaming you for the demise of the relationship is not uncommon, but relationships are built by two people, not one.

There is nothing you can do to make her "better."  She has to choose that for herself.  All you can do is work on your own mental and emotional health.  She may follow your lead, who knows?,  but in the meantime, let yourself feel the pain of this loss.  I know it doesn't feel like it now, but things really do get better.

Keep posting, it really helps.  We're here for you.