High Functioning Borderline mothers

[P.F.Change]

I find one of the hardest things now is the reassessment I'm having to make about my family, my upbringing and my childhood. I always assumed they were pretty much normal. Suddenly, I realise now they're not, and that's a bit frightening.

Hi whitemouse -

I remember I found it very shocking too. How my life was going until I found out made perfect sense when I realized about 'this'.

You feel angry, confused and maybe alone when you first learn. I found the best way was to learn as much as I could about it.

Yes, the breakthrough crisis can be jolting... . it's quite a bright  . For those who are going through this right now, try clicking on the first stage over in the Survivor's Guide on the right side of the page. (You may have to scroll up to see it.)---> It describes some of the common feelings during this stage, including anxiety, depression, and feelings of shame. It is important to have support and look after yourself during this time. I am glad I had a therapist to talk to during my breakthrough crisis.

Like you, StarStruck, I tried to read as much as I could in order to make sense of what I have been through. It helped me feel a bit more in control. (To answer your original question, I think my mother probably qualifies as high-functioning.) I did eventually come to the conclusion that no matter what criteria my mother did or didn't meet, my needs would still be the same. I needed to learn skills to maintain my own mood regardless of hers, to identify and protect my boundaries, and overcome an inner sense of shame. What are your goals for yourself right now?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[StarStruck]

Hi PP,

Hi StarStruck,

I'm glad you like it, and it's completely accidental because my reply doesn't belong in this thread. I don't know how it got here. I checked through and I haven't read this thread before.   

I tried to find the thread that I actually thought I was replying to on Dec 22, but can't. It had something to do with how pwBPD talk in loops, change the subject, tell lies, forget things... .     Oh well. 

PP

Funny, I did think at the time it may be answer to another question but yes, great loved it!

Hi PF

I did eventually come to the conclusion that no matter what criteria my mother did or didn't meet, my needs would still be the same. I needed to learn skills to maintain my own mood regardless of hers, to identify and protect my boundaries, and overcome an inner sense of shame. What are your goals for yourself right now?

Thanks for this... .

I've come to that understanding - To regulate my reaction to her, taking responsibility for how much I let her affect me.

Goals right now are to nail boundary keeping!

[P.F.Change]

Goals right now are to nail boundary keeping!

Boundaries are important! I learned a lot from the workshops here. Let us know when you have questions or if there is anything else we can do to help you meet your goals.

[StarStruck]

Hi P.F,

Good to chat about this... .

I was surprized but I was caught out by a person I don't see often (a uBPD).

When questioning is very direct/aggressive, out of the blue stuff, (with them typically showing no empathy or self awareness) it can still catch me off guard.

I think I need another test run to secure me mastering this to a high level & I'm looking forward to it!  

[SeekingHealing]

I think my father is high-functioning BPD.  Very successful, thrives on fulfillment from his career, expects the house to be clean and orderly at all times, does all the decorating, shopping, even expects my mother to wear outfits that coordinate with his and eat what he eats.  Not sure if he has NPD traits but ive questioned it.  Very charismatic outside the home, but mostly lives as a hermit.  I think he is hermit/queen BPd.  Trusts very few people and doesnt share anything personal with anyone really.  Very difficult to argue with-- you can never win.  Gets very emotional with immediate family but not around others, unless you are a customer service rep that he has an issue with.  Very controlling.