I recently found out about this while researching "how to deal with people who play victim" and it lead me to BPD that has opened my eyes about my wife's actions/behaviors during the past five years of our marriage. I can’t stop myself from reading about BPD constantly and I feel like I am losing myself... . I can’t take a break from it to take care of myself... . Has anyone else been in my situation and how did he/she cope with this difficult time?
Finding that life and relationships can make sense - even in a weird way - is validating. And of course you want more of that, especially as we are on the receiving end of invalidation all the time.
Education is the first step of empowering yourself. It is also the point where we can do first steps of stopping invalidation on our side. This is all great relief but limited.
Recognizing and accepting the new reality takes some time... .
... . so far so good... .
It happens to us all at first, but for most it wears off
Indeed for most it naturally wears off as there is the point where more information starts hurting. Then one is in the danger of over-analyzing. Knowledge turns from power into a focus of own pain, more pain and even more pain. Eyes lock onto drama. One gets stuck. It sometimes happens but mostly on the undecided board. Ultimately people get unstuck and move forward - it just takes longer and is a more protracted process.
This is why there is a focus here on SKILLS. On actually taking real steps, learning and USING what has been learned. On paper these skills are simple but in practice they require a significant mind-shift. This is where feedback from your peers and the advisors comes in. This is where feedback from the pwBPD and your reality comes into play. Doing stuff, changing even small bits and improving upon them is empowering and leads to sustainable progress.
