2013 was the worst year of my life so far.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

   HAPPY NEW YEAR!  

No, I'm not drunk.

Ok a lot happened last year. It's all wrapped up in a negative package. I lost my borderline parasite girlfriend... Oh boo hoo! Nearly killed me. Withered me down to the core. So I've been spending the best part of a year rebuilding and reevaluating my life. There was a fire. I lost everything. I had the clothes on my back left. There's more, but lets go with that. Ok... . I have a unique opportunity here. I get to rebuild myself from the ashes. I am feeling really good right now. Whenever I feel like this I get clobbered. I get knocked right on my butt and kicked square in the balls. It must be that non linear thing coming around. I wished I could sustain this great feeling that I have right now. I'm excited and looking forward to the future. I'm alone because I want to be. I did not jump at the first opportunity to get involved again. For the first fifteen or fourteen years of my life I was single. I took a year off after my divorce in 1995. Since then I've been in about a half dozen relationships, the longest with a borderline. Ok... . I need that year again. Maybe even more. I'm liking being single. Except for one super cute young lady I haven't been too interested in being attached again. Wow... . I think I'm finally getting the ex behind me. Now I'm anticipating doom. The feeling of impending doom as my logical feeling after a natural high. WTF CAUSES THIS?

[Perfidy]

   HAPPY NEW YEAR!  

No, I'm not drunk.

Ok a lot happened last year. It's all wrapped up in a negative package. I lost my borderline parasite girlfriend... Oh boo hoo! Nearly killed me. Withered me down to the core. So I've been spending the best part of a year rebuilding and reevaluating my life. There was a fire. I lost everything. I had the clothes on my back left. There's more, but lets go with that. Ok... . I have a unique opportunity here. I get to rebuild myself from the ashes. I am feeling really good right now. Whenever I feel like this I get clobbered. I get knocked right on my butt and kicked square in the balls. It must be that non linear thing coming around. I wished I could sustain this great feeling that I have right now. I'm excited and looking forward to the future. I'm alone because I want to be. I did not jump at the first opportunity to get involved again. For the first fifteen or fourteen years of my life I was single. I took a year off after my divorce in 1995. Since then I've been in about a half dozen relationships, the longest with a borderline. Ok... . I need that year again. Maybe even more. I'm liking being single. Except for one super cute young lady I haven't been too interested in being attached again. Wow... . I think I'm finally getting the ex behind me. Now I'm anticipating doom. The feeling of impending doom as my logical feeling after a natural high. WTF CAUSES THIS?

[MammaMia]

Perfidy

2013 was a hard year for you. 

The feeling of gloom and doom is most likely caused by the fact you have been badly hurt (traumatized) in the past, and unconsciously, you may feel as if you do not deserve to be happy.  Being with a pwBPD can actually make you believe that... . so you live in fear of the future and more emotional pain.

If we spend enough time with a pwBPD we can become so conditioned to be on guard for the next impending disaster, that it can be a difficult habit to break psychologically.  Remind yourself not to think negatively.

You are in control, and are free to move on with a new and positive attitude.  As you said, a new beginning. 

If you think good thoughts, there is a high probability good things will happen. 

[js friend]

Hi Perfidy   9


I would echo everything that MammaMia has said.

2013 was a pretty bad year for you. You had a lot of stressful events happen to you over a short period of time which I would say has caused you symtoms of Chronic stress so no-one would be suprised that you are feeling this way now.

Try to relax and take every day as it comes and be kind to yourself.

Try to replace any negative thoughts with positive ones(It takes practice, but it works) and remind yourself how much you have achieved.

You deserve a little happiness Perifdy so go with it.  

[Perfidy]

Jf, mm... Thank you for your kind words of support. I guess I shouldn't complain too much. Having a great moment for no particular reason is a treasure to me after what I've had to go through. I know it takes time and I've had the feeling that in trying to rush it to a cure and I am just not being realistic. Impatient if you will.

[Changingman]

When I first came on this site I wanted to know how long to get over a BPD abusive relationship, a year?

I haven't got a year I'm 50.

Ha that thought seems as long ago as the RS now.

Plenty of time, to heal and build my life again.

Good luck Perfidy

[Turkish]

Worst year of my life since my teen years with my mom and her depression, emotional dysregulation, verbal and periodic physical abuse (and being homeless, living like savages, basically... . ).

I had a good 17 years of peace... . then I met the Waif Of My Life. I hope to never meet another. But that's up to me. Good luck to us all.