The NC hand book

[Depression = 72% of members]

Having been down this awful road too many times to count. I have finally made the commitment to myself to keep the NC. I have tried this many times and have always go back for more.

It's so painful, the morning of the loss of a mother that I truly never had. The idea of what I always wanted. The front that I have been putting up for 36 long years. The fact that two out of my three sibs still talk to her.

I am letting go of the guilt (trying anyway)

Letting go of the worry of what others must think or believe what she tells pp.

trying my best to not expect her to do things that seem like any mother would do.

The hard part- well being a mother myself I go through the morning daily because I do my very best to be the mother I never had. But in doing that I feel like I hurt more. Does anyone understand what I am saying?

So how does one get pass this? Is there a 12 step program ? No really is there? Because I really need one. I have read books and articles on this. I was in therapy for years and fully understand this but my heart is delayed in letting go. The pain is some times debilitating because new memories come up. When they do it just sends my back two steps. 

How do I maintain my relationship w the sibs who do talk to her?

I'm angry because it's so much work! Hating her is so much work, the pain, the projection of what if's, wanting what I need from her. It's all so much work and I don't want to do it anymore. She's has taken too much of my time as it is. 

How does one really do this?

Thanks

[itsnotme]

Having been down this awful road too many times to count. I have finally made the commitment to myself to keep the NC. I have tried this many times and have always go back for more.

It's so painful, the morning of the loss of a mother that I truly never had. The idea of what I always wanted. The front that I have been putting up for 36 long years. The fact that two out of my three sibs still talk to her.

I am letting go of the guilt (trying anyway)

Letting go of the worry of what others must think or believe what she tells pp.

trying my best to not expect her to do things that seem like any mother would do.

The hard part- well being a mother myself I go through the morning daily because I do my very best to be the mother I never had. But in doing that I feel like I hurt more. Does anyone understand what I am saying?

So how does one get pass this? Is there a 12 step program ? No really is there? Because I really need one. I have read books and articles on this. I was in therapy for years and fully understand this but my heart is delayed in letting go. The pain is some times debilitating because new memories come up. When they do it just sends my back two steps. 

How do I maintain my relationship w the sibs who do talk to her?

I'm angry because it's so much work! Hating her is so much work, the pain, the projection of what if's, wanting what I need from her. It's all so much work and I don't want to do it anymore. She's has taken too much of my time as it is. 

How does one really do this?

Thanks

[Cheshire]

Itsnotme-

Your situation is very similar to my own. I went nc 2 years and 3 months ago. I can echo your feeling that it is so much work. I get so tired of thinking about it and feeling angry about it. My brothers are still in contact with uBPDm and I stay in touch with one of them. My best days are the ones when I can stretch and feel the freedom I allowed myself, the worst ones are dictated by the remaining ghost of her that still has it's way from time to time. It does get easier and more natural with time.  I have to stay somewhat vigilant to mind my fences, but i have been able to focus most of my energy inward and forward towards my own healing. "Onward and upwards, where else could we go?"

Cheshire