Blaming daughter for marriage problems

[bpbreakout]

D15 going through a difficult stage recently with couple of serious dust ups between D15 and BPDw that have got physical. The last time BPDw was d15 spat a milkshake at BPDw who then physically attacked D15, manhandled her, pulled her hair and hit her.

I get that D15 is out of order and grounded her for the milkshake incident and I have her in regular counselling so she can let off steam and hopefully learn how to steer clear of BPDw when things escalate.

The problem is that BPDw still believes it was d15’s fault that BPDw attacked d15 and will not apologise for the physical stuff. Moreover she openly blames d15 for our marriage problems and tells me she can’t help it. My first reaction was outrage at the emotional blackmail. I have now acknowledged BPDw feelings though told her I don’t share them though privately I think it’s outrageous.

Have just spoken to d15’s therapist whether d15 would be better off if we separated. Therapist believes it would be a huge and unfair burden on d15 as d15 is very aware that BPDw will blame her for the split.

D15 knows that I think about parents blaming children for marital issues (ie total and complete rubbish) though obviously me saying and thinking that is not going to resolve the issue if her Mum is carrying on like this.

I really feel blaming children for marital issues needs to be blown out of the water – any suggestions ?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.