My BPDso -possessed by DEVIL - crazy - psycho - need to vent

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My crazy BPDso has been cheating for years. I moved out of our house several months ago, but the whole time he is still calling, texting, leaving VMs, that he can't live without me, I'm the love of his life, he wants another chance to prove that he is changed, he is more devoted than ever etc.,  after 20 years together, those words have a deep effect on me, totally tugging at my heart strings, he is very persistent and convincing. I really tried NC for like 3 or 4 days, but is soo hard, I broke down and told him I am willing to reconsider the split and go to counseling, upon breaking the news to him, he has news of his own, he has moved in with new GF. Wounds torn open all over again.

I have stuck to NC for these few days since this fiasco, you would think it would be easy because he has moved on... . WRONG! Even though he is now living with new GF... . the phone calls and text don't stop. (I am sure she would be thrilled is she knew) Worst of all, he just came by my work as I was leaving to corner me in the parking lot to convince me to stay with him and drop the divorce.

Seems like a no brainer right? But this is a really emotionally charged situation, 20 years together, I still have the crazy dream of growing old together and having the loving relationship we used to have. There is still an insanely strong emotional attachment, even though there is a lot of anger. He knows which buttons to push and I am so scared of the unknown, going through the whole divorce, and I just wish everything was back to the way it used to be when it was good.

PLEASE HELP! Help me to remember that he is a fraud, remind me that the man I fell i love with was a figment of my imagination.

Anyone else dealing with totally crazy, cruel BPD? They have no conscience, such liars, manipulators, up to no good! Why do we love them when it should be so easy not to?

[dreamofstars]

My crazy BPDso has been cheating for years. I moved out of our house several months ago, but the whole time he is still calling, texting, leaving VMs, that he can't live without me, I'm the love of his life, he wants another chance to prove that he is changed, he is more devoted than ever etc.,  after 20 years together, those words have a deep effect on me, totally tugging at my heart strings, he is very persistent and convincing. I really tried NC for like 3 or 4 days, but is soo hard, I broke down and told him I am willing to reconsider the split and go to counseling, upon breaking the news to him, he has news of his own, he has moved in with new GF. Wounds torn open all over again.

I have stuck to NC for these few days since this fiasco, you would think it would be easy because he has moved on... . WRONG! Even though he is now living with new GF... . the phone calls and text don't stop. (I am sure she would be thrilled is she knew) Worst of all, he just came by my work as I was leaving to corner me in the parking lot to convince me to stay with him and drop the divorce.

Seems like a no brainer right? But this is a really emotionally charged situation, 20 years together, I still have the crazy dream of growing old together and having the loving relationship we used to have. There is still an insanely strong emotional attachment, even though there is a lot of anger. He knows which buttons to push and I am so scared of the unknown, going through the whole divorce, and I just wish everything was back to the way it used to be when it was good.

PLEASE HELP! Help me to remember that he is a fraud, remind me that the man I fell i love with was a figment of my imagination.

Anyone else dealing with totally crazy, cruel BPD? They have no conscience, such liars, manipulators, up to no good! Why do we love them when it should be so easy not to?

[arjay]

Anyone else dealing with totally crazy, cruel BPD? They have no conscience, such liars, manipulators, up to no good! Why do we love them when it should be so easy not to?

Yes we all did sadly.  Some for longer than others, but we have all been through the insanity and I say insanity because that is what is seemed like to me at times.  I heard and was the recipient of behavior I had never, ever heard before.  She wanted me one minute, and called me "half a man" the next.  It was devastating to my core being.  I was told she loved me and a day later was threatened with made up stories and calling the police.  She threatened to have my D removed and sent to foster care (my D not hers) because she was a Social Worker and knew all the "avenues" within the system.  Evil doesn't come close to some of her behavior.

Likely what you are seeing is the insecurity he is experiencing, afraid you will leave him and once he knows you are still available, he has what he needs and goes back to the other person.

I am so sorry for you that you are experiencing so much.  It is really hard to stay NC and frankly I had problems with it too.  I was fortunate that she ultimately moved so I could get counseling and get on with my life.

Keep reading all the great information here on their behavior so at least you understand at a rational level, their irrationality, cruelty and why it manifests itself.  Please take care of you.  It is a tough road going forward, and we are all here to help you with the path going forward.

Peace

[dreamofstars]

Right now I am still in shock and baffled... i thought he was the greatest, he was really sweet, adoring, considerate, had his career together, everything a girl would want, then I find out there was this dark side lurking, he was able to hide it for a long time and them BAM! It got crazy really fast, and I am just trying to digest it all. I can't believe the evil, lies, deceit, game playing that can come from one person. And he is not just doing it to me, he's so wrapped up in these lies, he has not choice but to keep with going with friends, family, and co-workers.

Worst of all, I have accepted the relationship is over, and I am trying really hard to stick to NC and moved out, he has moved in with GF, but still keeps contacting me with "intentions" to reconcile, but I have to convince myself it's just all part of his game, he doesn't mean it. He is living in a huge fantasy world, but there are real consequences and effects and he is hurting lots of people around him.

[christoff522]

My crazy BPDso has been cheating for years. I moved out of our house several months ago, but the whole time he is still calling, texting, leaving VMs, that he can't live without me, I'm the love of his life, he wants another chance to prove that he is changed, he is more devoted than ever etc.,  after 20 years together, those words have a deep effect on me, totally tugging at my heart strings, he is very persistent and convincing. I really tried NC for like 3 or 4 days, but is soo hard, I broke down and told him I am willing to reconsider the split and go to counseling, upon breaking the news to him, he has news of his own, he has moved in with new GF. Wounds torn open all over again.

I have stuck to NC for these few days since this fiasco, you would think it would be easy because he has moved on... . WRONG! Even though he is now living with new GF... . the phone calls and text don't stop. (I am sure she would be thrilled is she knew) Worst of all, he just came by my work as I was leaving to corner me in the parking lot to convince me to stay with him and drop the divorce.

Seems like a no brainer right? But this is a really emotionally charged situation, 20 years together, I still have the crazy dream of growing old together and having the loving relationship we used to have. There is still an insanely strong emotional attachment, even though there is a lot of anger. He knows which buttons to push and I am so scared of the unknown, going through the whole divorce, and I just wish everything was back to the way it used to be when it was good.

PLEASE HELP! Help me to remember that he is a fraud, remind me that the man I fell i love with was a figment of my imagination.

Anyone else dealing with totally crazy, cruel BPD? They have no conscience, such liars, manipulators, up to no good! Why do we love them when it should be so easy not to?

Hey there, so sorry to hear about all this. This man sounds like a right piece of work, and yes it is a no brainer. As a christian one of the hardest words of advice on can give is to leave. But when adultery hits the mix, get out.

The man you love IS a figment, and sadly he will never change. BPD tends to seem like an excuse for their behaviour, but its not, its a description of it, they fit this category and it doesn't make it any more excusable. Everything they do they do consciously, completely aware of right and wrong. They are evil, they're psychopaths, and honestly, even though 20 years is a long time... its better to happen now when you have a chance of building a happy life, than to wake up age 70 and find out about all this stuff and realise your entire life was a fraud. Leave it, move on, focus on the negatives of the relationship, and eventually you will be able to look back and see everything as it was.

Its hard, but you will get there. Just maintain that YOU won't contact him, and try to cut off as many avenues of contact from him as possible

[refusetosuccumb]

I spent 16yrs in.  I ask myself what another 16yrs is worth for me and the kiddos?  My answer, to myself, is peace.  Without my ex in the apartment (we moved out a month ago), it's peaceful with no one walking on eggshells, kids being kids.  I no longer have to censor every single conversation, making sure my facial expression is exactly how it "needs" to be for him.  I can be my flighty self and just enjoy life.

I'm still deep in the FOG.  But I recognize that now.  Now that I can put a name to the issues, I can focus on working myself through them.

My ex begged and pleaded and said he'd change too (infidelity). Then he went silent for a few days last week when he got internet at his place.  I actually thought MORE about him when in NC then when I was trying to ignore him before.  Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions.

Yes, you spent 20yrs with "him" but it was mostly a façade.  Do you want to spend the next 20 yrs doing that?  You deserve to have a life beyond the chaos and lies.  We all do.

[clover528]

Yes I experienced this too. I am a mess some days, other days I get by. I havent gotten to the point where I dont think of him. I am so sorry you are so hurt. Do you want to be with him again? Knowing what has transpired in the past and that he is blatantly with another woman? Try and give yourself some space and time to really get out of the fog to think and truly decide what you want. You know yourself.  NC is the hardest thing imaginable when we are so enmeshed in the relationship. Any relationship can have that effect when you first part. Be kind to yourself and I can not stress stongly enough the importance of healthy distractions. An Idle mind is seldom "idle" post BPD relationship. Keep Posting. We all have either been there, Are there, or likely will be. Hugs to you. I do understand.