Violence Against Women Act in North Carolina

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

So... . in another string a poster here talked about being a victim of VAWA and a false allegation.

My uBPDw has made several and I can prove through recordings, texts and emails that she is threatening to say things so I loose my job... . they will come get me where I work... . etc etc etc.

So... I spoke with a lawyer on one of those 800 call in numbers.  I have a membership.  And they confirmed that NC is "part of" the 20  or so states that participate in this.

My regular lawyer is not available... . I've got messages in to him.

So... . can anyone else confirm is this is true and if true... what does this mean for me.

I live in a smaller county... . I know most magistrates and lawmen... the lawyer from the 800 number suggested reaching out to them... . so if something comes across their desk... . they might at least proceed with caution.

Thoughts?

[formflier]

So... . in another string a poster here talked about being a victim of VAWA and a false allegation.

My uBPDw has made several and I can prove through recordings, texts and emails that she is threatening to say things so I loose my job... . they will come get me where I work... . etc etc etc.

So... I spoke with a lawyer on one of those 800 call in numbers.  I have a membership.  And they confirmed that NC is "part of" the 20  or so states that participate in this.

My regular lawyer is not available... . I've got messages in to him.

So... . can anyone else confirm is this is true and if true... what does this mean for me.

I live in a smaller county... . I know most magistrates and lawmen... the lawyer from the 800 number suggested reaching out to them... . so if something comes across their desk... . they might at least proceed with caution.

Thoughts?

[Waddams]

It means do not ever ever ever be in the same place as her where there is no way to document anything that occurs.  Record every interaction, have a 3rd party non-family witness if needed, etc.

Also, if she ever does get physical with you, DO NOT HIT BACK.  Make sure you are the one, and only one marked.  And don't call the cops from the incident.  Wait, get away, and then if needed, call the cops when she's not there.  The lumps are a lot easier to get over than a false DV arrest.

[formflier]

Unfortunately... . that is what I figured.

Can you confirm NC is "part of" VAWA.

It means do not ever ever ever be in the same place as her where there is no way to document anything that occurs.  Record every interaction, have a 3rd party non-family witness if needed, etc.

Also, if she ever does get physical with you, DO NOT HIT BACK.  Make sure you are the one, and only one marked.  And don't call the cops from the incident.  Wait, get away, and then if needed, call the cops when she's not there.  The lumps are a lot easier to get over than a false DV arrest.

[livednlearned]

I think VAWA is a federal law. Are you trying to find out is how different states interpret the law, specifically in terms of first response from law enforcement?

Matt knows this stuff better -- but my understanding is that part of the trend to arrest batterers at the scene also has to do with civil suits against police for failing to arrest batterers due to "special relationships" with their spouses. It's all mixed into the VAWA laws. So say the victim calls the police, the police do nothing, the batterer stabs the spouse or commits some other violent act, and the victim sues the police for failing to protect her. Then police get serious about making arrests first, asking questions later.

It might be a good idea to ask around to see what the protocol is for your county, not just at the state level. If there is a prior RO or PO, that might be part of the protocol to determine who to arrest too, not just who is bigger or who is male. Maybe the dispatcher looks up that info and the police show up thinking there is a pattern, and you get arrested no matter that your wife has no evidence or witnesses to back her up.

If you're really concerned, call a criminal attorney for a $50 consultation so you have some information that applies at the county level.

[ForeverDad]

I recall Matt writing that in his state they can arrest both spouses when responding to a domestic violence call.  In his case both were arrested even though the police report written up later didn't indicate he did anything wrong.

(My own experience with this will be detailed in my forthcoming book, "Yo White Man You Snoring! - My Sixteen Hours Of Hard Time".)

When I eventually got around to replacing my first lawyer from a nearby city with a local lawyer and told him about my 911 call and the police response, he commented that their policy is to always cart someone off so the immediate incident is addressed by physical separation.  (My preschooler screamed and wouldn't leave my arms when I tried to obey the officer who told me to hand my tearful son over to his mother and step away.  I look back and realize my son probably 'saved' me that day.)  Still, I was the one whose life was threatened, I was the one who called and yet I might have been the one forced out, perhaps even arrested.

Fortunately I had a recorder on me that day and when I saw her getting so upset, I turned it on and her threats were documented.  It didn't have a working speaker so I think the officers just viewed it as both making claims against the other.  And I would have lost with equal unsubstantiated claims.  As it was, my son forced a tie and the officer told me, "Work it out."  (Later she was arrested and admitted making death threats in her testimony but the judge ruled her not guilty since he didn't consider them "imminent" threats per case law.)

What I'm saying is that you need to be very careful during any incidents.  The female gender will almost always get the default preference or credibility.  Not right but that's the way it is.  A century or two centuries ago the father would have always gotten the default preference or 'right'.  Not right either but that's the way it was.  What we need is something in between that doesn't favor one extreme or the other.  Problem is, first responders often don't have the time or ability to determine who is lying and who is telling the truth.  (Hint:  Having a recording may help determine the truth.  Even that isn't always a favored solution by the professionals - but it's sure better than nothing.)

[formflier]

Wow... . what a sucky situation.  Very similar to the one that I am facing. 

I am the one that made the report to DSS about an excessive/abusive spanking.  I had a recording.  DSS interviewed kids.  Kids do not allege any abuse from me... . but they are "fearfull" of me.  DSS sees no marks on kids.  Dss refuses to listen to recording.  DSS solution is that I leave the house and we both "comply with counselors".  Note:  Next interview with DSS is tomorrow afternoon for me.

So... I'm organizing my recordings and "proof".  Wish I had spent more time getting all that stuff together before now... but there is so much to do .

Thanks for all the responses... please keep them coming.

I recall Matt writing that in his state they can arrest both spouses when responding to a domestic violence call.  In his case both were arrested even though the police report written up later didn't indicate he did anything wrong.

(My own experience with this will be detailed in my forthcoming book, "Yo White Man You Snoring! - My Sixteen Hours Of Hard Time".)

When I eventually got around to replacing my first lawyer from a nearby city with a local lawyer and told him about my 911 call and the police response, he commented that their policy is to always cart someone off so the immediate incident is addressed by physical separation.  (My preschooler screamed and wouldn't leave my arms when I tried to obey the officer who told me to hand my tearful son over to his mother and step away.  I look back and realize my son probably 'saved' me that day.)  Still, I was the one whose life was threatened, I was the one who called and yet I might have been the one forced out, perhaps even arrested.

Fortunately I had a recorder on me that day and when I saw her getting so upset, I turned it on and her threats were documented.  It didn't have a working speaker so I think the officers just viewed it as both making claims against the other.  And I would have lost with equal unsubstantiated claims.  As it was, my son forced a tie and the officer told me, "Work it out."  (Later she was arrested and admitted making death threats in her testimony but the judge ruled her not guilty since he didn't consider them "imminent" threats per case law.)

What I'm saying is that you need to be very careful during any incidents.  The female gender will almost always get the default preference or credibility.  Not right but that's the way it is.  A century or two centuries ago the father would have always gotten the default preference or 'right'.  Not right either but that's the way it was.  What we need is something in between that doesn't favor one extreme or the other.  Problem is, first responders often don't have the time or ability to determine who is lying and who is telling the truth.  (Hint:  Having a recording may help determine the truth.  Even that isn't always a favored solution by the professionals - but it's sure better than nothing.)