So I broke up with my exBPD about 7 weeks ago

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I met her almost 4 years ago outside an AA mtg. I'm 31 and she is 26. I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time bc I was still getting over my ex, but I went on a few dates with her and started spending all my time with her and she seemed so sweet and caring that I thought I'd be a fool to pass it up. She fell deeply in love with me and placed me on such a pedestal that I would tell her not to bc I'm only human and would eventually let her down. She was a conservative sorority girl when I met her and I slowly turned her more liberal and open-minded through intelligent convo. I admired her open-mindedness and willingness to change her opinions. Many people said she was taking on my opinions and trying to be like me. I recognized this also. My family quickly fell in love with her and treated her like family. People thought we were the perfect couple bc we seemed so right for each other and in love. For the first 2 and a half years we didn't even really argue. I was amazed to be in such a healthy relationship with a girl that adored me so much. I was convinced she must be the ONE. 2 and a half years in, she began to have a nervous breakdown that started over stress with her job. She started accusing me of not being on her side when I would point out that I thought she was being paranoid. Her paranoia grew and she began to think I was cheating on her. I told her she needed to get help if I was going to stay with her. She got placed on wellbutrin which made her manic for weeks until she crashed. Her shrink kept adding more meds until she was on 6 diff ones. She began having auditory hallucinations and total meltdowns and ended up going into inpatient at the psych ward to detox off all the meds then outpatient treatment for two months. She seemed better after it was over, but it was never the same as before. We argued a lot more often. At one point during her breakdown, we had broken up for a day or two and I slept with someone else. When we reconciled a few days later I didn't tell her bc of her fragile mental state. When she was healthier, I told her about it bc I wanted to spend my life with her and didn't want a secret like that out there bc she was likely to find out eventually. We split up for 6 weeks but stayed friendly and she would come walk the dog and stuff. I finally saw her out with some new guy friends and broke down and begged her back, telling her I needed her and wanted to spend my life with her. We got back together and went to couples counseling. She became more controlling and demanding and the counselor would repeatedly tell her she was being unreasonable and I wasn't doing anything wrong and she would just say that she has really high expectations and she guessed I couldn't live up to them. The arguments got worse. She began unraveling again, losing her apt, having to move in with me, getting prescribed benzos and walking around high all the time, buying a 12000 car that was only worth 8 grand and signing a loan for 21 percent interest, getting fired from her job a few days later. I tried to fix all her messes and set her up with a new job. She grew more angry and would tell me every night how I didn't meet her needs. I became so depressed I dreaded coming home. Finally I ended it after a ridiculous argument she started. She had forgotten some items at my place when moving out and I kept telling her to get them and she kept insisting I drop them off on her mom's porch. I finally caved and did so, with a long note attached apologizing that it didn't work out, hoping she found someone good for her, and told her I'd always be there to help. That night her dad texts me death threats. I took out an epo bc he is an addict and carries a gun everywhere. She responded with an epo full of lies that I beat her and stalked her. Within two weeks after the breakup she decides she's a lesbian and gets into a relationship with a girl. She dyes her hair rainbow colors. Her gf comes to the epo hearing and lies and says she saw me assault her. She got a DVO against me for a year. Then she filed criminal stalking charges on me, which are still pending. She's quit going to AA bc her gf said they're brainwashing her. She spends all her time with this gf barhopping at gay clubs. She has told everybody in AA I relapsed and do drugs and steroids and have beaten and stalked her. I'm baffled bc she was the sweetest, most thoughtful girl I'd ever dated, and now she is this vindictive lying monster who is suddenly a lesbian. They had diagnosed her as bipolar, but her actions since we broke up strongly suggest she has BPD.

[lanfair]

I met her almost 4 years ago outside an AA mtg. I'm 31 and she is 26. I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time bc I was still getting over my ex, but I went on a few dates with her and started spending all my time with her and she seemed so sweet and caring that I thought I'd be a fool to pass it up. She fell deeply in love with me and placed me on such a pedestal that I would tell her not to bc I'm only human and would eventually let her down. She was a conservative sorority girl when I met her and I slowly turned her more liberal and open-minded through intelligent convo. I admired her open-mindedness and willingness to change her opinions. Many people said she was taking on my opinions and trying to be like me. I recognized this also. My family quickly fell in love with her and treated her like family. People thought we were the perfect couple bc we seemed so right for each other and in love. For the first 2 and a half years we didn't even really argue. I was amazed to be in such a healthy relationship with a girl that adored me so much. I was convinced she must be the ONE. 2 and a half years in, she began to have a nervous breakdown that started over stress with her job. She started accusing me of not being on her side when I would point out that I thought she was being paranoid. Her paranoia grew and she began to think I was cheating on her. I told her she needed to get help if I was going to stay with her. She got placed on wellbutrin which made her manic for weeks until she crashed. Her shrink kept adding more meds until she was on 6 diff ones. She began having auditory hallucinations and total meltdowns and ended up going into inpatient at the psych ward to detox off all the meds then outpatient treatment for two months. She seemed better after it was over, but it was never the same as before. We argued a lot more often. At one point during her breakdown, we had broken up for a day or two and I slept with someone else. When we reconciled a few days later I didn't tell her bc of her fragile mental state. When she was healthier, I told her about it bc I wanted to spend my life with her and didn't want a secret like that out there bc she was likely to find out eventually. We split up for 6 weeks but stayed friendly and she would come walk the dog and stuff. I finally saw her out with some new guy friends and broke down and begged her back, telling her I needed her and wanted to spend my life with her. We got back together and went to couples counseling. She became more controlling and demanding and the counselor would repeatedly tell her she was being unreasonable and I wasn't doing anything wrong and she would just say that she has really high expectations and she guessed I couldn't live up to them. The arguments got worse. She began unraveling again, losing her apt, having to move in with me, getting prescribed benzos and walking around high all the time, buying a 12000 car that was only worth 8 grand and signing a loan for 21 percent interest, getting fired from her job a few days later. I tried to fix all her messes and set her up with a new job. She grew more angry and would tell me every night how I didn't meet her needs. I became so depressed I dreaded coming home. Finally I ended it after a ridiculous argument she started. She had forgotten some items at my place when moving out and I kept telling her to get them and she kept insisting I drop them off on her mom's porch. I finally caved and did so, with a long note attached apologizing that it didn't work out, hoping she found someone good for her, and told her I'd always be there to help. That night her dad texts me death threats. I took out an epo bc he is an addict and carries a gun everywhere. She responded with an epo full of lies that I beat her and stalked her. Within two weeks after the breakup she decides she's a lesbian and gets into a relationship with a girl. She dyes her hair rainbow colors. Her gf comes to the epo hearing and lies and says she saw me assault her. She got a DVO against me for a year. Then she filed criminal stalking charges on me, which are still pending. She's quit going to AA bc her gf said they're brainwashing her. She spends all her time with this gf barhopping at gay clubs. She has told everybody in AA I relapsed and do drugs and steroids and have beaten and stalked her. I'm baffled bc she was the sweetest, most thoughtful girl I'd ever dated, and now she is this vindictive lying monster who is suddenly a lesbian. They had diagnosed her as bipolar, but her actions since we broke up strongly suggest she has BPD.

[AwakenedOne]

That night her dad texts me death threats. I took out an epo bc he is an addict and carries a gun everywhere. She responded with an epo full of lies that I beat her and stalked her.  Her gf comes to the epo hearing and lies and says she saw me assault her. She got a DVO against me for a year. Then she filed criminal stalking charges on me, which are still pending She has told everybody in AA I relapsed and do drugs and steroids and have beaten and stalked her.

Hi Lanfair,

You sure have been through a lot with her. At this point your going to cut your losses and just stay away from her right? Seems she could be capable of even worse lies than those. Be careful.

It is a shame that what starts out as a relationship with a nice caring person later transforms into one with a lying cruel person.

Peace,

AO

[Lion Fire]

yeah I relate, there are a few

I met my ex through 12 step fellowship meetings. She was the same, pedestal, hero worshiping and she pursued me for 2 years for a relationship. We split 2 months ago in a monumental mess that I won't go into now... She has turned her back on 12 step meetings over a year ago, drinks occasionally and acts out on her ED and sex issues and also told me a few times that she thinks she is gay.

Bro, cut your losses and move on.

It's tough but you're going to end up like mincemeat if you hang around by the sounds of it.

Peace

[lanfair]

That night her dad texts me death threats. I took out an epo bc he is an addict and carries a gun everywhere. She responded with an epo full of lies that I beat her and stalked her.  Her gf comes to the epo hearing and lies and says she saw me assault her. She got a DVO against me for a year. Then she filed criminal stalking charges on me, which are still pending She has told everybody in AA I relapsed and do drugs and steroids and have beaten and stalked her.

Hi Lanfair,

You sure have been through a lot with her. At this point your going to cut your losses and just stay away from her right? Seems she could be capable of even worse lies than those. Be careful.

It is a shame that what starts out as a relationship with a nice caring person later transforms into one with a lying cruel person.

Peace,

AO

I am definitely going to cut my losses and move on. After I initially broke up with her, before all the court drama started, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Then when she came to the EPO hearing and I sat across from her while she cried and outright lied saying I had put her in chokeholds and violently manhandled her, I was in shock and heartbroken. If two years ago you had told me she was capable of something like that and that things would turn out the way they have, I would have laughed in your face and bet everything I had against it. So after that I had a lot of anger and stress and fear that her and her gf might make up something saying I violated the DVO and if I were just sitting at home with no alibi I would get arrested. Luckily that hasn't happened.

Through working with my AA sponsor inventorying all of what's happened and a lot of prayer, I have been able to let go of the anger and fear. I trust that the truth will come out and karma will take care of the situation. The biggest part that kept me so depressed at first was that I was so confused by her suddenly becoming a lesbian and getting into a relationship so quickly when she always acted like she would never be able to have feelings for anybody else and told me for years she knew in her heart we were soul mates and meant to spend our lives together. I actually started to believe that and didn't want to break up with her, but I knew I had to bc the relationship had gotten so toxic and miserable. In the back of my mind I guess I thought she would wait a long time before moving on or maybe she would get help and healthier again and come back to me. It wasn't until I realized that she BPD that I was able to understand her actions and realize that she was probably never as in love with me as thought and said she was, but was instead infatuated with me.

I kept thinking she had somehow lost her real self through mental illness and it was almost like watching somebody demon possessed. But I held on to hope that the real her, that perfect, kind and sweet girl was still down in there somewhere. I finally came to the realization that this IS the real her. The loving and sweet girl, the nasty controlling one, the confused lesbian full of anger and vindictiveness, they're all different parts of who she is. So i was in love with only one aspect of her, a role she was playing for the context she was in. Since realizing that I've been able to let go and realize that girl is never coming back and I need to move forward with my life. In a way the DVO is God doing for me what I couldn't do for myself, it's forcing me to stay away from her and not end up taking her back, because she was so naive that I always felt like I had to protect and guide her and clean up her messes. Now I've been forced to let go and I definitely won't be violating any court orders that could get me arrested.