Should I file charges?

[kfifd196]

My UBPD Wife (separated) keeps making false allegations against me.  She already filed a False Restraining Order against me in Feb, that got reduced to a Civil Restraint.  At the time, I wanted to file a TRO against her, because she bit me a few days earlier and I had pix of the bite marks, but my lawyer said it would seem retaliatory.  Now, I'm stuck with this CR, which my wife holds over my head all the time.  If I had filed a TRO, I might have been able to get her to drop it TOTALLY, in exchange for me dropping mine.  I feel screwed by my lawyer... .

1- Is there anyway to get the Civil Restraint dropped other than her just dropping it?

2- Should I file charges against her for the Bite?  My lawyer is against it.

I am losing all faith in my lawyer and he seems to take her side and accuse ME, even though I have tons of documents and TEXTS of threats FROM HER!  I can't afford a new lawyer and I don't want to rush to settle mediation or finish the divorce without talking to another lawyer.  I want to expose her lies, what she's done to me, etc.  Our 1 year old daughter cries everytime I drop her off to my wife and tries to get away from her and come back to me (Even after 2 days away from her).  When my wife filed the TRO I didn't see my daughter for 4 weeks.  She was 9months old then.  The 1st day I got to see her, she smiled so big and tried to climb out of the carseat to me!  It is very obvious something is not right!  I still love my wife, but she needs help and I'm worried about my daughter... .   what should I do about the bite and the Civil Restraint?  I feel if I file charges or a TRO against her, I can bring out all of the documents of her rages, threats, etc. 

[catnap]

Talk to another lawyer or several (some ill offer a free 1/2 hour or low fee consultation) about your case.  You need to find an attorney that believes you and has can offer you a strategy to accomplish your goals, or give you solid legal advice on why some things may not be useful to do. 

Your current L sounds lazy and doesn't appear to have any experience with high-conflict cases. 

[Matt]

Yeah, I agree.  You need your lawyer to be a strong advocate for you, and answer all your questions, and give you all your options, and yours doesn't seem to want to do that.  Or he may not have experience with cases like yours.

You can talk to other attorneys, and if they say they have experience with high-conflict cases, ask for some "war stories" - not details like clients' names, but what they learned from high-conflict cases - what worked and what didn't work.  You should notice patterns you recognize from your own experience.

I don't know if you can get the CR removed or not.  Your lawyer should be able to answer that, or any other lawyer you talk to, or you might be able to call the court and ask them.  If you agreed to it, it may be hard to get removed, but if you didn't agree to it and it was imposed anyway, I would guess there may be a way to get it removed.

Filing charges about something that happened a long time ago - more than a few weeks - might not help your credibility.  I agree with you that it would have been best if you had called the police at that time, but you can't go back again.

Make sure to stay away from your ex - no face-to-face contact without a non-family adult third party present.  No phone contact unless you can legally record every call;  otherwise she can say you threatened her.  E-mail is best.

If the false accusations continue, and if they are in writing, like court documents, you should definitely challenge them aggressively.  Find a lawyer with experience doing that.  You can probably depose her - file a motion with the court to have her questioned by your lawyer, under oath - and she can be asked anything relevant.  Her stories will either fall apart and it will be clear from the deposition transcript she is lying, or you'll be able to find evidence to show she is lying.

Be active not passive, and remember:  no contact with her!

[trappeddad]

If the false accusations continue, and if they are in writing, like court documents, you should definitely challenge them aggressively.  Find a lawyer with experience doing that. 

i agree but that costs money.    there were over 100 false allegations about me in the custody evaluation from the evaluator (i don't care about my ex'es allegations), so i may be forced to settle as i cannot overcome them.    i will write an email reply and provide proof to disprove the inaccuracies, but that is not an official challenge.      how do you challenge aggressively without spending lots of $?   

[Matt]

Well some of our members have been successful in handling their own cases without an attorney, but it's a lot of work.

One thing you can definitely do is carefully note each accusation made by your ex or anybody else - state what you were accused of word-for-word - and give your truth with as much evidence as possible.

If someone said you did such-and-such, state in writing, "In the document she filed June 18, Ms. Ex stated that I did such-and-such.  I have never done such-and-such, and she provided no supporting evidence.  I ask that the court cite her for making unsupported accusations."

Do you mean that the CE is making false accusations?  If so, I think you should note that to the court.  If the CE was appointed by the court it's not OK for her to do that, and it's up to you to point out if she does.  ":)r. Psychologist in her report accused me of such-and-such.  This accusation is false.  I have never done such-and-such, and Dr. Psychologist has offered no evidence to support her accusation.  I ask the court to remove her from the case and cite her for making unsupported accusations." or something like that.

Don't get fancy or try to sound like a lawyer.  Just state your truth and back it up with whatever evidence you can find.  Don't assume that the court won't pay attention to accusations without evidence;  these are civil matters, so the standard isn't "proof beyond reasonable doubt", it's "a predominance of the evidence", and sometimes courts consider accusations to be evidence, so you have to counter that "evidence" with a clear statement that the accusation is false, and if possible some supporting evidence.