Going to give it one more chance ONLY IF certain things happen ..

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So I am currently expecting with my uBPDxfiance.  The split was pretty bad I basically just realized he lied about SO many things and said I cant do this anymore I cant trust you, I'll let you know when the baby is born.  We went about a month in a half with almost no contact, very limited and that was my choice as he did try contacting me often, but I kept it to anything that was relevant to the baby or to cutting ties (we shared bills and all that good stuff beforehand, so ya know). 

Anyways, since then he contacted me to give me his new number and decided he wanted to open up to me about a lot of things and I figured I had been living with almost a stranger so why not.  He called me and confessed so many things to me and for once was completely HONEST and I was just in disbelief as I thought he would NEVER fess up to the things he lied about in our relationship.  We ended up talking for a long time on the phone and what it mostly consisted of was him telling me how sorry he is and how everything was his fault and I deserve better.  He promised to me over and over again that no matter what he will make it up to me and make things right.  He even recognized the emotional abuse that occurred throughout the relationship and said there is no excuse for it and it will never happen again. He informed me that he WANTS and HAS to change and he realizes he has issues from childhood so he will begin counseling as soon as he gets the money and is determined to do so.  Also says when he finishes up training for this potential job he will send me money from all that he owes me and of course to help support our child.  He addressed pretty much everything in our relationship that needed to be changed and says he is determined to fix this. 

So, since he for once came up with it on his own, this shows me a side of him I have never seen.  He has never owned up to anything until now as long as I've known him and has always needed a push, so I was surprised when he said he wanted to do therapy.  Anyways I told him that for our son I will give it one more chance at a relationship ONLY if he goes through with everything and if I truly see a change (because we all know that BPD can be very smooth with words).  So who knows, maybe things will actually change, and if they don't, I won't get back together with him. For now, we have been texting quite a bit, which makes me nervous bc I know they say try to limit contact, but we have been keeping tabs and talking about things that will change if the relationship is given another go around.  Also since it is getting very close to the birth of our son we have been talking about it alot (we are both excited!). I don't normally text him first, but we have been talking almost every day and I need advice if this is a bad move, because I don't want him to think things are okay and he doesnt need to do all the things he said anymore (although that is something we always talk about). But I do think its good that we are actually able to get along enough to keep up with each other without any arguing. I don't want to be a dummy, so I am trying to tread lightly, but I do have some hope for us as a family.  Who ever has been through something similar or has advice to offer, I am open.

PS. im not telling ANYONE about the decision to go back to him until we try things and they seem to work out, because my family hates him :/ LOL thats a whole other issue         

[lalove714]

So I am currently expecting with my uBPDxfiance.  The split was pretty bad I basically just realized he lied about SO many things and said I cant do this anymore I cant trust you, I'll let you know when the baby is born.  We went about a month in a half with almost no contact, very limited and that was my choice as he did try contacting me often, but I kept it to anything that was relevant to the baby or to cutting ties (we shared bills and all that good stuff beforehand, so ya know). 

Anyways, since then he contacted me to give me his new number and decided he wanted to open up to me about a lot of things and I figured I had been living with almost a stranger so why not.  He called me and confessed so many things to me and for once was completely HONEST and I was just in disbelief as I thought he would NEVER fess up to the things he lied about in our relationship.  We ended up talking for a long time on the phone and what it mostly consisted of was him telling me how sorry he is and how everything was his fault and I deserve better.  He promised to me over and over again that no matter what he will make it up to me and make things right.  He even recognized the emotional abuse that occurred throughout the relationship and said there is no excuse for it and it will never happen again. He informed me that he WANTS and HAS to change and he realizes he has issues from childhood so he will begin counseling as soon as he gets the money and is determined to do so.  Also says when he finishes up training for this potential job he will send me money from all that he owes me and of course to help support our child.  He addressed pretty much everything in our relationship that needed to be changed and says he is determined to fix this. 

So, since he for once came up with it on his own, this shows me a side of him I have never seen.  He has never owned up to anything until now as long as I've known him and has always needed a push, so I was surprised when he said he wanted to do therapy.  Anyways I told him that for our son I will give it one more chance at a relationship ONLY if he goes through with everything and if I truly see a change (because we all know that BPD can be very smooth with words).  So who knows, maybe things will actually change, and if they don't, I won't get back together with him. For now, we have been texting quite a bit, which makes me nervous bc I know they say try to limit contact, but we have been keeping tabs and talking about things that will change if the relationship is given another go around.  Also since it is getting very close to the birth of our son we have been talking about it alot (we are both excited!). I don't normally text him first, but we have been talking almost every day and I need advice if this is a bad move, because I don't want him to think things are okay and he doesnt need to do all the things he said anymore (although that is something we always talk about). But I do think its good that we are actually able to get along enough to keep up with each other without any arguing. I don't want to be a dummy, so I am trying to tread lightly, but I do have some hope for us as a family.  Who ever has been through something similar or has advice to offer, I am open.

PS. im not telling ANYONE about the decision to go back to him until we try things and they seem to work out, because my family hates him :/ LOL thats a whole other issue         

[JohnLove]

Hello lalove714, hope things are going well for you and baby... . and your uBPDxfiance.

I found your story heartwarming, you seem to have your feet firmly on the ground, and seem quite aware of your situation. You said you were going to tread lightly... . I would say you're in as deep as 2 people could possibly be in this world... . and my advice is to tread carefully. You are only too aware how smooth the words are with BPD... . how NC could have precipitated this... . I don't know this person but I would like to believe he is genuine in his resolve... . I would like to believe that you could be together and that you child would have his Father present... . I feel you appreciate these things and just need validation. Friends and family may have firm opinions... . but they are on the outside of the relationship... . conversely they (usually) have your best interests at heart so it is often beneficial to listen to their concerns... . but only you know what's right for you. Listen to that voice deep down. All the best for your future.