Finally did what was right for me

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I am not really looking for guidance. Just need to slap this down, I think, to get it out of my head.

I posted weeks ago about my sister, who has BPD. (Sorry if I'm not using the correct acronyms or whatever, I have the memory of a flea and can't remember all that stuff.)

I attempted contact again as my father told me she was well and hadn't been in the hospital for some time. It was a big mistake. She was like a spider with a fly, her glee was so obvious. Within days, she sent an email saying she had been raped. At this point I had a long talk with our 72-yr-old father, explaining borderline personality and the lies and schemes that go with it. He got it. He already had an inkling that she was lying. Two days later, she sent one saying she had a new boyfriend, she was "over" the rape. A week later, she said she was pregnant. Two days later, she said she was mistaken about being pregnant, she was just tired. This nonsense went on and on, but I reacted differently than I used to. I did not answer or react in any way. One day I found the police at my door. She had called 911 and told them I was suicidal. I calmly explained that I'm sure it was my sister that had called 911 (they would not tell me who had called). I was sure she was angry that I did not answer her emails and that this was her way of trying to force contact. (My kids, including my autistic son, were in the house crying because they thought I was going to get hauled off to jail.) The police left after calling my father to confirm my story, and my sister was hospitalized. After hospitalization, she sent an email saying she was doing wonderfully No apology or explanation of the 911 call on me. At this point I filtered my inbox to send her email directly to trash. I have heard since that she claims she was stabbed. I politely tell anyone who asks about her that my father is the best person to ask, as I do not speak to her. I don't elaborate. I have asked my father not to give me any information about her unless she is dead, and not to tell her any information about my family. (This does not bother my father, he understands as he has cut contact with another BPD person in our family, and my other sister cut contact with her long ago.) The sad thing is I do not miss my sister. The year and a half of no contact was the best year and a half of my life... . and I did not miss her at all. I won't miss her this time. I guess this may be seen as a sad, tragic story, but the truth is, without me, my other sister, or our father (who blows her off as much as he can) as an emotional punching bag, she will move on to some other poor unsuspecting souls. She doesn't really care who it is, as long as she gets attention. So she will be happy, and I will be happy. Sometimes in a hopeless situation, letting go is the best thing one can do. (Disclaimer: Throughout this situation I have worked closely with a counselor to find the best solution for me and my family.)

[Sadi39]

I am not really looking for guidance. Just need to slap this down, I think, to get it out of my head.

I posted weeks ago about my sister, who has BPD. (Sorry if I'm not using the correct acronyms or whatever, I have the memory of a flea and can't remember all that stuff.)

I attempted contact again as my father told me she was well and hadn't been in the hospital for some time. It was a big mistake. She was like a spider with a fly, her glee was so obvious. Within days, she sent an email saying she had been raped. At this point I had a long talk with our 72-yr-old father, explaining borderline personality and the lies and schemes that go with it. He got it. He already had an inkling that she was lying. Two days later, she sent one saying she had a new boyfriend, she was "over" the rape. A week later, she said she was pregnant. Two days later, she said she was mistaken about being pregnant, she was just tired. This nonsense went on and on, but I reacted differently than I used to. I did not answer or react in any way. One day I found the police at my door. She had called 911 and told them I was suicidal. I calmly explained that I'm sure it was my sister that had called 911 (they would not tell me who had called). I was sure she was angry that I did not answer her emails and that this was her way of trying to force contact. (My kids, including my autistic son, were in the house crying because they thought I was going to get hauled off to jail.) The police left after calling my father to confirm my story, and my sister was hospitalized. After hospitalization, she sent an email saying she was doing wonderfully No apology or explanation of the 911 call on me. At this point I filtered my inbox to send her email directly to trash. I have heard since that she claims she was stabbed. I politely tell anyone who asks about her that my father is the best person to ask, as I do not speak to her. I don't elaborate. I have asked my father not to give me any information about her unless she is dead, and not to tell her any information about my family. (This does not bother my father, he understands as he has cut contact with another BPD person in our family, and my other sister cut contact with her long ago.) The sad thing is I do not miss my sister. The year and a half of no contact was the best year and a half of my life... . and I did not miss her at all. I won't miss her this time. I guess this may be seen as a sad, tragic story, but the truth is, without me, my other sister, or our father (who blows her off as much as he can) as an emotional punching bag, she will move on to some other poor unsuspecting souls. She doesn't really care who it is, as long as she gets attention. So she will be happy, and I will be happy. Sometimes in a hopeless situation, letting go is the best thing one can do. (Disclaimer: Throughout this situation I have worked closely with a counselor to find the best solution for me and my family.)

[lucyhoneychurch]

I have nothing to add because you are amazingly clear and after so many years of you and your family getting punched emotionally and mentally - good on you.   

Your poor kids, I'm so sorry you had to handle that type of punitive behavior, but mostly just glad you and your dad and your sister are on the same page about this sibling.

That is usually pretty rare around here.

May the coming year, and years! be as smooth as possible.      Cheers.