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[Parents! Get help here!]

I'm just another parent who's desperately trying to get a grip. I have a 27 year-old son who's just not cutting it. I was lulled into thinking he'd gotten past his immature way of functioning, but it's staring me in the face yet again. He recently moved out of state for a "fresh start," and it's clear that it will be no such thing. It's been subtle enough throughout his life that he's kind of just bumped along, but it's clear that he resides in a reality of his own making; one that keeps him in denial about anything he doesn't care to deal with. He's not a drug or alcohol user. That's one plus.

This is about all I can write at this point.

I'm starting the search for a thorough professional evaluation. Again. I'm at turns baffled, angry, exhausted, ashamed, guilty, and all that, but am glad to find a forum that might help me feel less isolated.

[Psam]

I'm just another parent who's desperately trying to get a grip. I have a 27 year-old son who's just not cutting it. I was lulled into thinking he'd gotten past his immature way of functioning, but it's staring me in the face yet again. He recently moved out of state for a "fresh start," and it's clear that it will be no such thing. It's been subtle enough throughout his life that he's kind of just bumped along, but it's clear that he resides in a reality of his own making; one that keeps him in denial about anything he doesn't care to deal with. He's not a drug or alcohol user. That's one plus.

This is about all I can write at this point.

I'm starting the search for a thorough professional evaluation. Again. I'm at turns baffled, angry, exhausted, ashamed, guilty, and all that, but am glad to find a forum that might help me feel less isolated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[DreamFlyer99]

Hi Psam!

I'm glad you found this community. 

Trust me, you aren't "just another parent" because there is no other parent just like you with the particular understanding you bring to your relationship with your son. The fact that you are here looking for help and answers makes you more than "just another parent."

So many of us have said how much we admire the parents with kids (grown or not) suffering from BPD, it's pretty inspiring honestly to see how you all work so hard to support your children! That's quite a list of emotions you've written down, and I think you'll find most of the other parents have felt pretty much that same way. And it's great to know we're not alone in dealing with our loved ones with BPD whatever the relationship is.

The great news is that we have a board especially for parents where you can start getting the support and help you deserve. When a child suffers from BPD (even our adult child), not only is the child unhappy and unhealthy, but often, so is everyone who loves them. This mental illness can severely affect everyone, creating drama and heartbreak, while also piling on the guilt and anxiety. The good news is that there are answers to these problems, and we are here to offer you the support and encouragement to help you find them. You'll see that there are things that can be done to stop making things worse and begin to make them better. A great place to start is with this set of resources: What can a parent do? We look forward to seeing you on the Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD board and hope you join us in learning how to understand and communicate with our children better.

When you feel up to writing more I hope you will, for me just getting things written down helped me start assessing what I was dealing with so I could get a start on learning some new tools. I know the community here will be such a help to you too.

[HealingSpirit]

Hello Psam,

I'd like to join DreamFlyer99 in welcoming you to our family. I personally understand the struggles and emotions you have about your son (DS27).  My DD17 suffers with BPD as well, and life is a roller coaster of emotion every day.  Sometimes, I'm able to laugh at the absurdity of it all, other days, I feel at the depths of despair. And I experience various levels of frustration every day.  You are NOT alone!  I am glad you found us, though I'm sorry it was your son's BPD that brought you here.

DreamFlyer99 has already given you a couple of great links to get you started here.  This site has a lot of very helpful, up-to-date information about BPD. There are tools, lessons, videos, books, and articles all available here, and at your disposal.  The message board she mentioned is just for us parents, and I know you'll find it very validating and helpful.  I do hope you'll join us there, as it is a great place to feel heard and validated by other parents who are dealing with similar issues.

My DD17 is like your son in that she doesn't use drugs or alcohol either, at least for now. We can count our blessings about that, believe me! And she does have several other maladaptive behaviors that block her success. Like your DS, my DD cannot take responsibility for the problems she creates in her life.  She has incredibly volatile relationships with everyone, and her "reality" seems to come from some other planet.  One of my biggest frustrations with her is finding out she has twisted a conversation we had where she completely misunderstood what I was saying.  Sometimes, I start to question my own sanity because it happens with her so often.  But she is the only one in my life with whom I have this issue, so I have come to learn it really isn't me, it is the BPD. And it helps to come here and get validation and a reality check from the other parents on the "parenting board."  So, I do hope you'll join us when you have a moment.

The more you share with us, the more we can help you. 

 I'm glad you found us.  There is hope that things can get better.

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, Psam & I'd like to join DreamFlyer99 and HealingSpirit in welcoming you to this site.

I second their recommendations and sentiments, and hope that you tell us more about your situation so we can help... .

How are things going today?