He cheated on me whilst I was pregnant and he won't stop begging for forgiveness

[IceQueenSunday]

The subject line says it all basically  he cheated on me when I was pregnant, destroyed my world when I found out recently. (We have 3 kids, his son (6) my son (5) and our daughter (15m). He 'couldn't cope' and was 'suicidal' so took himself on holiday to turkey for a week basically abandoning three contacts with the kids and has constantly bombarded me with texts and emails whilst over there to take him back.

He has put the kids in danger with not using protection when he slept with her (I was 7 months gone and really ill and our daughter was thought to be seriously ill at this time). He's also told all sorts of horrible lies about me that could have ended up with this woman on my doorstep kicking off thinking she was helping / protecting him. Or even social services with the crap he has told her  my head is spinning and he's constantly texting and emailing all the time. He was always misdiagnosed with depression so it wasn't until this all came out we even knew it was BPD but he's messing with my head. I know I can't go back there, I know everything, every detail and it's like hell. I wish I never knew him to begin with  

The worst thing is I still love him, how can I still love someone who has done that? It's horrible. He keeps saying when he's had his treatment and he gets better will I take him back and no matter how many times I keep saying no he carries on.

Below are an example of his messages :-

'I dreamt I married u last night i went back in time :,-( must be something i can do anything'

'I cry for ever then wait until end of time :,-('

'All I want is you. no one else.  yes im ill but I see  it what ive Done. I would do what ever comes my way to make things right forgive me for what ive done'

'Take my soul, heal your heart'

':,-( I love u I made a mess I made a mess head over heart f***** wrong horrible i am. heart forever with u forever xxxxxxxxx im sorry I will do anything u ask'

'I dream that I helped you out of a dark pit last night I pulled u and me out :,-( then we went back in time and started again f****** hell this is hard :,-('

'Meet me in dreams :,-( I will show u love without a messed up mental state pure and true'

'My love for you is real. :,-( '




And more and more of the same. I have tried ignoring it he texts more, I blocked him he just emailed off different accounts. I have an appointment for myself to see a psychologist on Thursday to get some support but why can he just leave me alone now? He made his choice  

[IceQueenSunday]

Sorry that was meant to say why can't he leave me alone. (Posting from my phone and auto correct is daft) How do I edit posts?