Brother is contacting me, but N/C

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Good Morning bpdfamily,

Well, I've been NC with my exBPDgf going on almost 7 months now! Lots of things have changed in my life, all for the better. At first it was hard, and I mean really hard. I didn't give a damn about anything for the longest time, just not taking care of myself. I'm still struggling, but getting there I think, having made many of these changes that she always said I was 'afraid' to make.

So, just that bit of background; however, recently my exBPDgf's brother sent me an email to ALL my emails, including work. It was bizarre because we were somewhat close (working together), but we hadn't talked since me and the ex split. Even when we were together we rarely talked, maybe once every three or so months, if that. Now out of nowhere he's asking me how I'm doing, for a reply, and a phone number so we can catch up. Not sure what to make of it, and I do believe it might be the ex trying to reach out, and if not I might just ignore it or send a friendly reply saying why I don't want to talk I guess? BUT, if it isn't her trying to reach out, I believe I'm still committed to NC, and wouldn't this communication between me and her bro be breaking that in some form (I don't her to know ANYTHING about my life)? Honestly, there's nothing that my ex can offer me and nothing I can offer her (nor do I want too), not even a friendship. She always had this pride thing about her and said she wouldn't talk to someone she knew was wrong unless they talked to her first, then she'd forgive them and all would be good, but I don't think she thought we wouldn't speak for this long. I'm not trying to play a game and see who wins out, not at all ... .this NC thing has been a very useful tool for me in detaching, I don't want to know anything about her life because every little glimpse I get I get sucked back in, I need to try and focus on myself and my family. So far, its been ... .semi-successfuly 

So, main question is, how do I respond to this contact? 

[dillan6241]

Good Morning bpdfamily,

Well, I've been NC with my exBPDgf going on almost 7 months now! Lots of things have changed in my life, all for the better. At first it was hard, and I mean really hard. I didn't give a damn about anything for the longest time, just not taking care of myself. I'm still struggling, but getting there I think, having made many of these changes that she always said I was 'afraid' to make.

So, just that bit of background; however, recently my exBPDgf's brother sent me an email to ALL my emails, including work. It was bizarre because we were somewhat close (working together), but we hadn't talked since me and the ex split. Even when we were together we rarely talked, maybe once every three or so months, if that. Now out of nowhere he's asking me how I'm doing, for a reply, and a phone number so we can catch up. Not sure what to make of it, and I do believe it might be the ex trying to reach out, and if not I might just ignore it or send a friendly reply saying why I don't want to talk I guess? BUT, if it isn't her trying to reach out, I believe I'm still committed to NC, and wouldn't this communication between me and her bro be breaking that in some form (I don't her to know ANYTHING about my life)? Honestly, there's nothing that my ex can offer me and nothing I can offer her (nor do I want too), not even a friendship. She always had this pride thing about her and said she wouldn't talk to someone she knew was wrong unless they talked to her first, then she'd forgive them and all would be good, but I don't think she thought we wouldn't speak for this long. I'm not trying to play a game and see who wins out, not at all ... .this NC thing has been a very useful tool for me in detaching, I don't want to know anything about her life because every little glimpse I get I get sucked back in, I need to try and focus on myself and my family. So far, its been ... .semi-successfuly 

So, main question is, how do I respond to this contact? 

[Rise]

If you're not really interested in interacting with her brother, and there's no reason you have to have contact with him, then just don't respond. If you have to respond, just be polite, let him know you're fine, wish him well, but you aren't comfortable with being friends with your ex's brother right now.

BUT, if it isn't her trying to reach out, I believe I'm still committed to NC, and wouldn't this communication between me and her bro be breaking that in some form (I don't her to know ANYTHING about my life)?

I'm not so sure whether this technically counts as contact with your ex or not really matters. What matters is how it makes you feel, and whether it's healthy for you or not. If you don't feel like you want to talk to this guy, or that it's going to cause problems for you, then don't talk to him. You don't need any more justification than that.

[mitchell16]

if your ex was like my ex. It can be a ploy to test the water to see where you are at emotionally. mine could manupulate other people into contacting me. To give you an example, mine was in a serious car accident, we had been split up for a long time i mean a very long time and i was pretty much NC. She had her friends contact by telling them if i heard about it from someone else it would destroy me. well this resulted in a recyle. Other times she would use co workers, best freinds etc. They all thought they doing the right thing but they were just being played. If you dont have a relationship with the brother I would ignore it too. just my opinion.