Award winning performance or subtype change?

[Recooperating]

I was wondering if BPDs change subtypes in their mood swings.

Mine was mostly hermit/king. But he could play the waif really well.

We had a huge falling out once (over complete nonsense). In this episode he went to the kitchen and got a huge kitchen knife and threathned to kill himself. I did the thing I shouldbt have... .Played right into his hands and went for the knife... .

I tried to get the knife away from him. He's a big man, big martial arts fanatic, so the chance I would win was slim, but after a struggle I got the knife away from him. He then grabbed his belt and head to the stairs and tried to hang him self. Managed to keep him from that to. Then he went for tiewraps and put them around his neck, got that away from him too and he went for a plastic bag to put over his head. He grabbed me and sent me flying. I managed to put him on the bed and I literally sat on top of him, holding him down and I called to police for help. He then grabbed the phone and spoke to the police officer in the calmest way telling him I was lying and there was nothing wrong and I was crazy... .He hung up and went on with his tantrum! I then got up to leave. If he could speak that calmly then this was just an act! He then threw himself on the floor like a 6 year old, grabbed my ankles and clung to me screaming Please dont leave me!

I was bruised up all over... .He then went for the knife again and so did I to prevent him from getting it. Our heads collided in a big bang and he knocked out... .Man that hurt (light concussion) but Im pretty hard headed so I was still on my feet. I put him on his side in a stable position and sat on the bed in shock.

I confronted him later about this episode. Asked him how is it possible that I was able to "win" from a trained martial artist that weighs 3- 4 times more than me. I asked him if this was an award winning performance on his part, also because he managed to talk to the police so calmly. He gave me a very big grin... .And laughed... .

Im still wondering what happened there. Did I feed him with the response and attention he wanted? Was he sincere? Was he actually being more like a Waif or was this just an act? I was bruised up for 2 weeks, he didnt have a scratch... .

Any similar experiences here? Any thoughts on the matter? Can they go from one subtype to another? He was high functioning... .

[FoolishMan]

Instead of wondering g what happened just accept that he is crazy and bad for you and leave it alone. When you over analyse crazy the only outcome is becoming crazy.

His actions show he is severely mentally ill. That's all you should read into that.

[Fluff]

Wow. What a traumatic experience. Horrible horrible horrible.

I think it's an act. A childish tantrum. And I don't think it's a matter of them not being empathic in the moment or not considering how we will feel. They want us to feel that horror, so that they feel valued.

[Loveofhislife]

I agree with Fluff, and Foolish--while I agree that we need to focus on us instead of their craziness; it is at the core of many of us to seek to understand. It is part of what bonded us to these people, and I have to work and discipline myself to think of his role in the r/s less and my role more. Recoop: I never experienced the suicide "tantrum" but I definitely saw him "shape shift" in the midst of tantrums. When I called the police, they ended up believing him--who was ranting and raving about how I was breaking his heart. That was in between bouts of his unbridled verbal abuse of me. This particular tirade was my canceling his plane ticket WHICH I PURCHASED and which was intended to fly us to my brother's wedding reception in the midst of exbfBPD dysregulating. My entire family would be there, and I was afraid he would make a scene at the wedding. To show me who had the upper hand, he sent the police to my house (with my daughter onlooking) to pick up the key he gave me to his apartment. He chose to call my daughter and my best friend to say he couldn't live without me and would sleep on a park bench near my home until I came to speak with him. King to waif or whatever. It is, as Foolish wrote, it's just insane--that same man abandoned me with no warning and few words 10 weeks ago. Guess he could live without me now--though he protests he now is a hermit.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

It was just a silly childish act that could have been fatal. Concentrate on yourself.  Say goodbye to all that drama.  The void is in them - not in you.

[FoolishMan]

It all sounds so dangerous for you. You sound like such a good mum and a great understanding g partner. I know I've been in the hole, trying to understand but it's not worth it. Meet new people and tell them about this stuff, they will be shocked! Stuff like that pulled me out of the hole.

Do not put up with it for one more second. Value the life you have you are worth so much more than this r/s.

I actually am starting to feel that posting doesn't help. Just reading the horror stories on staying is prob been the best thing to snap me out of my toxic thinking. A future of lies and betrayal. Disgusted and discarded. No, we can all be happy and make someone nice happy too. These BPDs are not that person/s

[Mutt]

Any similar experiences here? Any thoughts on the matter? Can they go from one subtype to another? He was high functioning... .

Hi Re-cooperating, I would like to say I'm so sorry with your experiences. You must of been very scared

To answer your question if they change roles. From my experience, I see two dominant roles with my ex partner and two less dominant ones. She's Queen / Witch followed by Waif / Hermit and they are less dominant.

I've also seen Queen and Waif come out recently during a face to face conversation. It felt like the roles quickly changed from one to another.

There's a really good discussion here that helped me with sorting out the different behaviors and roles in my r/s:

BPD BEHAVIORS: Waif, Hermit, Queen, and Witch


I hope that helps.

[Recooperating]

Thanks for reading this post and your replies guys.

I must say I am doing quite alright. (Some days better then others) I am trying to understand the last loose ends of it. Im never going back, staying NC. I recycled and it just wont stop. Being with him is not a possibilty!

I must admit, these events werent the onces so traumatizing to me. I guess this just was too surreal! I think these weird behaviours I could understand it had nothing to do with me. But the raging at me, the constant Mind___s and adrenaling rushes because of BS caused ptsd... .

(You should see me when my phone rings  ) the smaller manipulations and abuse made me question my sanity (he used to say I was BpD). Then I think of this tantrum, the fact that I do have friends and think... .Yeah right you looser!

I do still have the urge to "understand" everything. Not his motives or his mind, but the illness. Just to like "file" all the events, label them and let them go or "file them in the right memory cabinet... .

Thanks for your support, information and insight guys. Another little step further in the journey!