Texting me after 6 weeks? Why?

[Startattoo2]

Hi All,

First time poster, but read many of the threads with interest.

Around 6 weeks ago, I was dumped by my Girlfriend. I suspect she has BPD, or traits of it. We got on like a house on fire, and had pretty much nothing but good times. She could be very argumentative, and was a horrible to some people (not me), very awkward.

She had a troubled childhood, and experienced (so she told me) many nasty bad boyfriends, debt, abortions, eating disorders, self harming, and I think a little previous drug use. She also drank quite a lot more than I would say was healthy (bottle of wine a night no problem for her).

I felt honoured she shared this info with me so soon on, and over a few weeks, I fell for her. While not the most attractive female in the world, she certainly had a huge attraction to me, and was/is the most attractive person I've ever met, both in looks and personality. I was lucky to find her. Very different to other women.

She could be hugely argumentative when drunk, and I saw evidence of no empathy/sympathy during my time with her. I did everything and doted on her, doing odd jobs and errands with not a thought to myself. Infact I did kind of ignore my own life a bit, and spent all my heart and time on her. She often changed plans, and has no real direction in life. Not had a job for more than 2 years (I've had mine 15), her longest relationship maybe 2 years or so (mine was over 12).

To me, she was like a magnet, a drug, the most amazing female I'd ever met, and all the drink issues (she hit me once or twice, I put it down to drunken playfulness), I just pushed aside and forgot about.

She was very very thoughtful, and got me some amazing presents, not expensive, but so thoughtful it blew me away. Always offered me cups of tea, and generally made me feel hugely welcome in her world. The relationship was the best (8 months), and I could not see the fun ending.

She did have mood swings, and would be on the phone for 2 hours in a drunken rage about people at work she was better than, or how her friend was just dressing/being a certain way to get attention from others, she sounded almost jealous now I think back. I was her shoulder to moan at (she never cried unless drunk), she spent hours slagging off colleague, ex friends, police, and politicians, even her mother who she lives with was the subject of much abuse.

She self harmed once, and ended up going to hospital with a deep gash to her leg. She gave me several opportunities to 'walk', saying how she was a bad person and I didn't deserve this treatment from her, and I'd only known her a short time. Etc.

Then one day, after we'd kissed and said we loved each other, and made plans for the week ahead, she rang me, and told me it was over, there was no future in it. I said I was sorry, and asked what I'd done, she told me that it was not me (it was her), and that she loved me but not in that way. It came as a massive shock. None of her friends saw it. She told me she'd been thinking for 3-4 weeks about us, but never let on at all. No signs.

She had no sadness when I met her the following day to get some of my stuff. Very matter of fact, and pointed out areas of my life/mentality that she thought I was lacking in! Told me that I'd benefited from being with her.

I then spent the next 2 weeks in tears, not eating, and even after 6 weeks I'm being sick most mornings. I self harmed, which I've never done before. I feel lonely, and that my life has been taken away. I loved my time with her, and I loved her. My best friend is gone. I'm on anti depressants, and off to see a councillor very soon. (self esteem, self confidence and anxiety issues- these were not present during the relationship, only come about since we split, some were there when I was single before though)

Now 6 weeks after we split, and a good 4 with no contact (I emailed a few times early on), I get a strange text asking where she gets her dog food! I ignore it, then later in the day get a string of other texts, explaining how she thought we had a good future, and I ruined it, how I was too full on, selfish, arrogant, and controlling. How it was all my fault, and maybe she should be more honest when she feels uncomfortable. these then ended up calling my ex and my mother a doormat, and how I always get what I want. I've never been called these things before, and I never put myself in front of her wishes, what she wanted to do was done, and I'd suggest things if there was nothing to do. she says she feels drained and that I took everything. Infact I'd say she is saying exactly what I've experienced. I always picked her up from work when I could (15mile drive!), met her for meals, and generally did the leg work. We always agreed what we were going to do, and I met her parents (Dad left mum at young age), and even went on holiday.

I loved my time with her, and just started to get over the best woman in the world, but why is she texting me this so far after the split?

Do I reply?

I blocked her texts, so did not see any others she sent afterwards. It sounded like she was drunk.

Thanks for any help or advice.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Do yourself a favor and ignore her efforts completely.  It sounds like the wires in her head are sparking off - or as they say here, she is dis-regulating.  You will find someone else.  Avoid her as if her name was Ebola.

[peiper]

Hi All,

First time poster, but read many of the threads with interest.

Around 6 weeks ago, I was dumped by my Girlfriend. I suspect she has BPD, or traits of it. We got on like a house on fire, and had pretty much nothing but good times. She could be very argumentative, and was a horrible to some people (not me), very awkward.

She had a troubled childhood, and experienced (so she told me) many nasty bad boyfriends, debt, abortions, eating disorders, self harming, and I think a little previous drug use. She also drank quite a lot more than I would say was healthy (bottle of wine a night no problem for her).

I felt honoured she shared this info with me so soon on, and over a few weeks, I fell for her. While not the most attractive female in the world, she certainly had a huge attraction to me, and was/is the most attractive person I've ever met, both in looks and personality. I was lucky to find her. Very different to other women.

She could be hugely argumentative when drunk, and I saw evidence of no empathy/sympathy during my time with her. I did everything and doted on her, doing odd jobs and errands with not a thought to myself. Infact I did kind of ignore my own life a bit, and spent all my heart and time on her. She often changed plans, and has no real direction in life. Not had a job for more than 2 years (I've had mine 15), her longest relationship maybe 2 years or so (mine was over 12).

To me, she was like a magnet, a drug, the most amazing female I'd ever met, and all the drink issues (she hit me once or twice, I put it down to drunken playfulness), I just pushed aside and forgot about.

She was very very thoughtful, and got me some amazing presents, not expensive, but so thoughtful it blew me away. Always offered me cups of tea, and generally made me feel hugely welcome in her world. The relationship was the best (8 months), and I could not see the fun ending.

She did have mood swings, and would be on the phone for 2 hours in a drunken rage about people at work she was better than, or how her friend was just dressing/being a certain way to get attention from others, she sounded almost jealous now I think back. I was her shoulder to moan at (she never cried unless drunk), she spent hours slagging off colleague, ex friends, police, and politicians, even her mother who she lives with was the subject of much abuse.

She self harmed once, and ended up going to hospital with a deep gash to her leg. She gave me several opportunities to 'walk', saying how she was a bad person and I didn't deserve this treatment from her, and I'd only known her a short time. Etc.

Then one day, after we'd kissed and said we loved each other, and made plans for the week ahead, she rang me, and told me it was over, there was no future in it. I said I was sorry, and asked what I'd done, she told me that it was not me (it was her), and that she loved me but not in that way. It came as a massive shock. None of her friends saw it. She told me she'd been thinking for 3-4 weeks about us, but never let on at all. No signs.

She had no sadness when I met her the following day to get some of my stuff. Very matter of fact, and pointed out areas of my life/mentality that she thought I was lacking in! Told me that I'd benefited from being with her.

I then spent the next 2 weeks in tears, not eating, and even after 6 weeks I'm being sick most mornings. I self harmed, which I've never done before. I feel lonely, and that my life has been taken away. I loved my time with her, and I loved her. My best friend is gone. I'm on anti depressants, and off to see a councillor very soon. (self esteem, self confidence and anxiety issues- these were not present during the relationship, only come about since we split, some were there when I was single before though)

Now 6 weeks after we split, and a good 4 with no contact (I emailed a few times early on), I get a strange text asking where she gets her dog food! I ignore it, then later in the day get a string of other texts, explaining how she thought we had a good future, and I ruined it, how I was too full on, selfish, arrogant, and controlling. How it was all my fault, and maybe she should be more honest when she feels uncomfortable. these then ended up calling my ex and my mother a doormat, and how I always get what I want. I've never been called these things before, and I never put myself in front of her wishes, what she wanted to do was done, and I'd suggest things if there was nothing to do. she says she feels drained and that I took everything. Infact I'd say she is saying exactly what I've experienced. I always picked her up from work when I could (15mile drive!), met her for meals, and generally did the leg work. We always agreed what we were going to do, and I met her parents (Dad left mum at young age), and even went on holiday.

I loved my time with her, and just started to get over the best woman in the world, but why is she texting me this so far after the split?

Do I reply?

I blocked her texts, so did not see any others she sent afterwards. It sounded like she was drunk.

Thanks for any help or advice.

No do not reply man

[going places]

Block block block

Block her on all social media.

Block her from your phone.

You will not regret it.

Don't text back... .don't do it.

[camuse]

Hi All,

First time poster, but read many of the threads with interest.

Around 6 weeks ago, I was dumped by my Girlfriend. I suspect she has BPD, or traits of it. We got on like a house on fire, and had pretty much nothing but good times. She could be very argumentative, and was a horrible to some people (not me), very awkward.

She had a troubled childhood, and experienced (so she told me) many nasty bad boyfriends, debt, abortions, eating disorders, self harming, and I think a little previous drug use. She also drank quite a lot more than I would say was healthy (bottle of wine a night no problem for her).

I felt honoured she shared this info with me so soon on, and over a few weeks, I fell for her. While not the most attractive female in the world, she certainly had a huge attraction to me, and was/is the most attractive person I've ever met, both in looks and personality. I was lucky to find her. Very different to other women.

She could be hugely argumentative when drunk, and I saw evidence of no empathy/sympathy during my time with her. I did everything and doted on her, doing odd jobs and errands with not a thought to myself. Infact I did kind of ignore my own life a bit, and spent all my heart and time on her. She often changed plans, and has no real direction in life. Not had a job for more than 2 years (I've had mine 15), her longest relationship maybe 2 years or so (mine was over 12).

To me, she was like a magnet, a drug, the most amazing female I'd ever met, and all the drink issues (she hit me once or twice, I put it down to drunken playfulness), I just pushed aside and forgot about.

She was very very thoughtful, and got me some amazing presents, not expensive, but so thoughtful it blew me away. Always offered me cups of tea, and generally made me feel hugely welcome in her world. The relationship was the best (8 months), and I could not see the fun ending.

She did have mood swings, and would be on the phone for 2 hours in a drunken rage about people at work she was better than, or how her friend was just dressing/being a certain way to get attention from others, she sounded almost jealous now I think back. I was her shoulder to moan at (she never cried unless drunk), she spent hours slagging off colleague, ex friends, police, and politicians, even her mother who she lives with was the subject of much abuse.

She self harmed once, and ended up going to hospital with a deep gash to her leg. She gave me several opportunities to 'walk', saying how she was a bad person and I didn't deserve this treatment from her, and I'd only known her a short time. Etc.

Then one day, after we'd kissed and said we loved each other, and made plans for the week ahead, she rang me, and told me it was over, there was no future in it. I said I was sorry, and asked what I'd done, she told me that it was not me (it was her), and that she loved me but not in that way. It came as a massive shock. None of her friends saw it. She told me she'd been thinking for 3-4 weeks about us, but never let on at all. No signs.

She had no sadness when I met her the following day to get some of my stuff. Very matter of fact, and pointed out areas of my life/mentality that she thought I was lacking in! Told me that I'd benefited from being with her.

I then spent the next 2 weeks in tears, not eating, and even after 6 weeks I'm being sick most mornings. I self harmed, which I've never done before. I feel lonely, and that my life has been taken away. I loved my time with her, and I loved her. My best friend is gone. I'm on anti depressants, and off to see a councillor very soon. (self esteem, self confidence and anxiety issues- these were not present during the relationship, only come about since we split, some were there when I was single before though)

Now 6 weeks after we split, and a good 4 with no contact (I emailed a few times early on), I get a strange text asking where she gets her dog food! I ignore it, then later in the day get a string of other texts, explaining how she thought we had a good future, and I ruined it, how I was too full on, selfish, arrogant, and controlling. How it was all my fault, and maybe she should be more honest when she feels uncomfortable. these then ended up calling my ex and my mother a doormat, and how I always get what I want. I've never been called these things before, and I never put myself in front of her wishes, what she wanted to do was done, and I'd suggest things if there was nothing to do. she says she feels drained and that I took everything. Infact I'd say she is saying exactly what I've experienced. I always picked her up from work when I could (15mile drive!), met her for meals, and generally did the leg work. We always agreed what we were going to do, and I met her parents (Dad left mum at young age), and even went on holiday.

I loved my time with her, and just started to get over the best woman in the world, but why is she texting me this so far after the split?

Do I reply?

I blocked her texts, so did not see any others she sent afterwards. It sounded like she was drunk.

Thanks for any help or advice.

Wow. I'm still amazed at how similar they all are. I don't think one thing you posted doesn't apply to my experience. Almost identical.

They have no concept of the pain they cause, I am sorry you went through this nightmare

You must not reply, blocking her is the right thing and well done on being strong enough to ignore the texts so far. Your only hope is no contact until the feelings fade away. It's just awful, but you must start to accept that the good times were not real, the real her is the horrible disordered person and you don't want any part of that. The disorder was triggered by intimacy - you didn't have a hope. It's very sad. You felt so bad because she made real changes to your brain which taker time to reset, but you were getting there, DO NOT reengage - you will have to go through that all over again if you do.

I know it's not easy. All I ever wanted with mine was a calm adult conversation either about the problems we had, or after we broke up, but it was impossible - all they do is project. Remember, all the nasty things she says about herself, she is in fact saying about herself. This experience does not reflect at all on you in any way.

[Zeo500]

The BPD I dayed also had allot of unwelcomed and mean advice when angry.  And she broke up with me once for a minor detail, so minor the text shocked me.

So just stay away.  I know the feeling of attraction with the person, but let it go.

[OutOfEgypt]

Why is she texting you?  To see if you will react, to test your pulse to see if she's still got you, to get attention from you, to see if you are still "there", in her pocket, stuck on her, enmeshed, entangled, etc.

If you don't *have to* talk to her (such as because you share children), then don't.  Cut the cord and don't let her come back to try to tie it back together.  You are doing yourself a HUGE favor.