feel ripped apart...

[dermo]

I have finally cracked it. It was only a brief three month relationship... .high octane though and as intense a love as i have ever felt.

A few weeks back it was like someone had flicked a switch and then i got a few weeks gaslighting as she embarked on an affair with a married cop.

I realise now the trigger. A manager at work had been flirting with me by text... .this was from before the relationship... .it continued until a few weeks before my ex BPD started to change. The manager had actually come onto me and i had eventually told her i was in love and not interested. The texts could be construed as meeting for lunch... .returning camping gear in a layby etc none of which happened. I feel lousy. I think she looked at them and saw it as an affair.

she wont admit to it of course and anyway she immediately embarked on the affair so she must have had him waiting in the wings. I think he was the proverbial shoulder to cry on. 

i tried N/C for a while but she kept texting and ringing... .i am meeting her tomorrow to end it and to put her right re. the texts... .not much more i can do... .i feel empty inside as the truth is i still love her.

[Mutt]

A criteria for BPD is a perceived or real fear of abandonment.

You're not 100% that the texts were viewed. It's speculation.

Intimacy triggers the disorder. We have another board for undecided or staying. You can pick at different board that works for you.

--Mutt

[tired-of-it-all]

Mutt is right.  You don't know that she saw them.  Quit trying to find a reason to take responsibility for her infidelity.  You are trying to fool yourself into thinking that you have some control over the situation.

Also, you are not in love with her.  You are in love with the idea you have formed around her.  There is a huge difference.  If you want to be really good to yourself, stand her up tomorrow.  Just don't go.  You will be much, much better off in the long run.  Tomorrow you are at great risk of being recycled.  Keep in mind that this is a person who is having an affair with a married cop.  That is very, very bad behavior and she started it quickly.  This will happen again and again.

Good luck my friend and stay strong.

[dermo]

points taken... .however she did ask me questions relevant to the texts... .did i like sex in the car for example... .i borrowed some camping gear from the other woman and she texted "we can meet up in a dodgy lay by for the drop off" (we didn't i handed them back in the work car park... .also one text made a reference to "my man is going so free"... .(to take a call) there should have been a full stop after going but it could appear to be a reference to me... .

Her gaslighting texts included out of context references to "my man"... .i am off to the meet... .and thereafter will be NC... .   

[dermo]

Tired Of it... .very true... .and even if she had she should have confronted me and spoken about it... .today was like hell... .she tried to get me to go to bed with her... .constant fawning... .lets meet once a week, once a month etc... .my final phone call tonight to tell her i want N/C.

Like you say to get a replacement on tap tells its own story and to be honest i am weary and sick of the drama... .i was not unfaithful so i have nothing to feel guilty about... .she is a very damaged individual and its sad but she will screw his head up like she did mine... .her anger against men is primarily against the brother who abused her and the father who was passive and did not protect. I am taking my Superman outfit off... .time to heal and in time hopefully find a soul mate who wants love and trust... .the adrenaline rush of idealisation is not love... .wonderful but not reality and not a basis for a relationship... .

[Pingo]

Why would she be reading your texts to start with?  Wouldn't that in itself be a betrayal of your trust?