Having bad days... PTSD, anxiety, depression, suicidal.

[tomjon78]

It´s been a year since she last texted me. I have been doing all the things I can to cope and get my life on track. Started working out last year, seen my T. regularly and all the things a man should do in his daily routine to get over this. The last four years has been hard at times. My daughter very ill in 2010 with a long term illness, divorce from my wife in 2011 mainly because our marriage couldn´t handle our daughter´s illness, financially broken after that and then got into a r.s with the BPD woman I´ve posted here in the forum. It ended in march 2013 and she really gave me hell.

I have had a lot of anxiety issues past years and the last months it has been getting worse. Depression and suicidal thought have been haunting me and my therapist has said i´ve got clear symptoms of PTSD and anxiety and depression. I have not been sleepin well. Waking up almost every night. I´ve just met a doctor of psychiatry and has recommended that I start medical treatment of drugs.

I´ve felt i´ve done so many right things but now it´s time to stop fighting. I just somehow I´ve not been able to recover from this rs. and now i´m at a dead end. I´ve had such great help here. I´m now totally drained. I find it hard to go to work and I just want to be alone.

If someone knows these feelings and has any advice... .because I´m no seeing that I will recover at this point even though I will try my best

[Mutt]

Hi tomjon78,

I'm sorry to hear you're having bad days  Depression is very difficult and I would like you to know there is hope. We're volunteers and to get you the best help possible it's a good idea to talk to a live person. I sent you a personal message. Can you give the number a call? Thanks.

[Waifed]

I lost a child 11 years ago which attributed heavily to the demise of my 14 year marriage 4 years ago. I then jumped into a relationship with a pwBPD. I was vulnerable and her subtle manipulation made me think I was happy. We all know how these situations play out. I also got severely depressed. It took several months to get my meds right and I was close to giving up. I am so glad now I didn't do anything foolish. We all have so much to live for. We only get one chance and we need to make the most of it. It's just hard to see it when you are depressed. It will pass and you will look back in amazement that you felt the way you did for so long. Don't give up and don't let her actions determine your happiness. You will get over her and she won't matter to you anymore. Focus on yourself.

Try this. It sounds really silly but try it. Close your eyes, clear your head and repeat over and over for a minute "I love myself, I love myself". I know... .but try it. It really helps me when I get down on myself. You see, most of us on this site don't put oursellves first. Our happiness is dictated by the actions of others.

Hang in there. You will get through this. If it is too much contact your P. He can prescribe something to calm accute anxiety. Keep us posted.

[AG]

Hey man Im sorry your feeling down. These experiences are something I don't think just go away quickly. It takes time. My breakup happened June 2013. I had recycles after that dating all the way up to the last one which was around March 2014. It has gotten better but very and I mean very slow. We are talking turtle slow. I know you probably don't feel like it very much but have you tried picking up some new hobbies. Keeping yourself busy with some new hobbies might help keep your mind busy on something else besides this situation. When the breakup first happened I felt exactly the same as you describe. Massive anxiety attacks and I was having suicidal thoughts on a regular basis. Also it just felt like I was going through motions in life such as work operating like a zombie. I started to force myself back into my workout routine and I also picked up a couple of hobbies. All of these new things I picked up might I add I did not enjoy them while I was in this state. I had to literally force myself to workout and force myself to do things. My logic behind this was that once I do get better I will already have things in motion. I didnt want to start a downward cycle meaning "I'm already depressed so now I let my body go and now I'm depressed about my body because I'm depressed about my body I haven't brought any new clothes and let myself run raggidy and now friends have invited me out to go to a party but all my clothes don't fit plus I'm out of shape. Now I'm not meeting new people because I have excuse after excuse of things that are keeping me down when I could have handled some of those reasons while I was healing.


So in the meantime even though Im not fully healed I keep myself in shape, keep myself clean cut, keep everything up to par as much as I can so that when I am fully healed the ball was already rolling in other areas so I can enjoy them even more when I am healed. You will heal btw its only a matter of time. It's just going to take time.

[tomjon78]

Thank you for your answers. I´ve had my children for a few days and it´s been a little better. Got some sleeping pills which I will start using tomorrow when the kids are back to their mom. Seeing my T. on wednesday and on friday i´m off to see the doctor and he will probably subscribe some medicine for me. I hope this will lead on the right track