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Well I'm Back I dumped her again Not sure what to do now.
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Topic: Well I'm Back I dumped her again Not sure what to do now. (Read 352 times)
rockhardabsman
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Well I'm Back I dumped her again Not sure what to do now.
«
on:
December 01, 2014, 10:00:42 AM »
Well it has been a while since I've been on this forum! My ex (27) and I (31) were together for 3 years, her longest relationship, and since my last post my diagnosed BPDexgf (who is also now diagnosed with schizophrenia due to years of meth, depression and Bipolar 1) had went back to jail for relapsing and they sent her to a rehab afterwards (for the third time). She had clean time of about a year. We were not allowed to talk for most of the time except she would sneak calls to me once a month. Anyways August 1st I picked her up and took her back home. I got her enrolled in her batterers treatment, her outpatient rehab, etc. But after a couple weeks the same BPD crap came up and she relapsed on the booze/drugs. It started out gradually and at the end of the 3 1/2 months of her being home it was constant relapse. Not to mention the whole flirting with guys issue and trying to get into contact with all her exs before me came right back as soon as she logged into facebook.
Anytime I would try to talk of course she would try to turn it around on me, yell and scream, call names, slam doors, plug her ears despite how tactful I tried to bring up subjects. Last straw was for the last 3 weeks she kept saying "I gotta feed the baby" "I might be pregnant" and I asked her if she was taking her birth control, of which she said yes on 3 occasions. Well found out she was lying, tried talking calmly about it she blew up in a rage yelling "cuz then i got you for 18 years b___", then punched me in the face, and kept demanding to read my email because she knows I'm a cheater. I told her she couldnt live here anymore. Before she left she broke down pleading on her hands and knees crying, trying to kiss me, claimed she was pregnant, even tried to get me to sleep with her, but I stood strong. She really didnt want to go, even the day after she didnt and I just followed through.
She's now living with her elderly grandma, she got a job right away amazingly considering she refused to get one here. 5 days later she tried calling me repeatedly, but all her voicemail said was just her demanding to know the pin to her phone so she can reactivate it since I disconnected service. All about her, so i didnt answer. Not a word from her since.
I have a couple regrets. I told her when she was raging on me that I didn't love her, which was wrong, I do still love her, I just couldnt stand living with the abuse, which she is trying to get help for in her batterers treatment program. I feel bad too because she asked if we could go to relationship counseling the week before the breakup after another one of her ragers, I said no, I was burnt out at the time though I look back now and kind of regret not at least trying. For the first two years she was in denial she was mentally ill but after rehab she accepted it.
Maybe I'm ranting, but it's been 3 weeks and a couple days since i removed her from the home. I haven't heard from her since, although she's posted a couple things on FB about missing me. I guess I'm beating myself up over not taking the opportunity to go to couples counseling. I also see her going down a dark path again, drugs, alcohol and shockingly trying to get into prostitution to pay the bills, and it makes me pretty damn sad. She really tried in the beginning and I feel just gave up, it was manageable until she relapsed. Well correct me if I'm wrong, she's always tried contacting her ex's while with me, we've recycled maybe 4 times in 3 years, 2 minor splits, 2 major (this being the second), I guess I should just wait it out and resist the urge to call her because she'll probably contact me.
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rockhardabsman
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Posts: 80
Re: Well I'm Back I dumped her again Not sure what to do now.
«
Reply #1 on:
December 01, 2014, 06:47:59 PM »
Tough crowd tonight
I feel like im being ignored by my exBPD again
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vortex of confusion
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3234
Re: Well I'm Back I dumped her again Not sure what to do now.
«
Reply #2 on:
December 01, 2014, 07:42:35 PM »
Quote from: rockhardabsman on December 01, 2014, 10:00:42 AM
She's now living with her elderly grandma, she got a job right away amazingly considering she refused to get one here.
She didn't need to get one when she lived with you. She knew you would take care of her.
Excerpt
I have a couple regrets. I told her when she was raging on me that I didn't love her, which was wrong, I do still love her, I just couldnt stand living with the abuse, which she is trying to get help for in her batterers treatment program.
Who do you love more? You or her? I still love my husband but everything about him annoys me these days. I don't know why and I try to fight those feelings but they are there whether I like them or no. Why would anybody want to live with abuse? I know that I have said some things that I shouldn't have said. When you are backed into a corner, it seems like you will say almost anything to get out of the corner. If she thinks that you still love her, then she is going to use that against you to exploit you and get more out of you. When I am sweet and loving towards my husband, he milks it for all he can. I feel like I have to put up a brick wall around me to protect myself from his crap.
Excerpt
I feel bad too because she asked if we could go to relationship counseling the week before the breakup after another one of her ragers, I said no, I was burnt out at the time though I look back now and kind of regret not at least trying. For the first two years she was in denial she was mentally ill but after rehab she accepted it.
I have been with my husband for 16.5 years and have no real interest in going to counseling with him at the moment. The reason is that I know how he operates. He will say all of the "right" things in counseling and then not follow through. He has been telling me all of the things that I want to hear for years. Every time, I bought it hook, line, and sinker. My husband is also a sex addict. I refuse to go to counseling with him until he works on himself and his issues. Focusing on our relationship is just going to cloud things up. If I go to any kind of therapy or counseling, it is going to be for ME so I can figure out why I have tolerated crappy treatment from him for so long.
Excerpt
Maybe I'm ranting, but it's been 3 weeks and a couple days since i removed her from the home. I haven't heard from her since, although she's posted a couple things on FB about missing me. I guess I'm beating myself up over not taking the opportunity to go to couples counseling. I also see her going down a dark path again, drugs, alcohol and shockingly trying to get into prostitution to pay the bills, and it makes me pretty damn sad. She really tried in the beginning and I feel just gave up, it was manageable until she relapsed. Well correct me if I'm wrong, she's always tried contacting her ex's while with me, we've recycled maybe 4 times in 3 years, 2 minor splits, 2 major (this being the second), I guess I should just wait it out and resist the urge to call her because she'll probably contact me.
Do you honestly think that couples counseling would have helped? Really think about that. It is so easy to convince ourselves that we didn't do enough or give enough. Even though I won't go to counseling with my husband, I have read all sorts of self help books. I have been on several different forums about how to improve a marriage, spice things up, change myself, and all sorts of other things. I have been going crazy trying to figure out what it was that I did wrong. All of these other people seem to be able to jump through hoops and make things work but I sure as heck couldn't.
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rockhardabsman
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Posts: 80
Re: Well I'm Back I dumped her again Not sure what to do now.
«
Reply #3 on:
December 03, 2014, 12:42:30 PM »
I guess I'm just hangup by the fact that now she is aware of her mental illnesses, owns up to it, and she did try, at least in the beginning. It was a first in 3 years. I guess I second guess my decision only because she was now aware of everything for the first time in her life. Anyways I'm moving along, still quite sad about my decision, but I'm taking it one day at a time, at least trying.
I feel like telling her mom (who i have strong suspicion is BPD herself (although undiagnosed), because her and the DexGF are almost identicle) to stop calling me to check up on me and talk just because it brings back old memories. I guess I will have to let go someday.
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