7 months nc then got a text

[Front runner]

Hi All,

I've been around 7 months nc.  Moved cities, started a new job.  I've not been able to move on from my BPDex but have been doing mountains of therapy and playing loads of sport.  Been on the odd date but nothing of any note. 

She slept around when i was with her.  she was terrible around my son.  Basically used and abused me.  Anyway i was trauma bonded deeply.  The effects of my relationship with her resulted in my own diagnosis of emotionally unstable personality disorder (BPD for you guys across that vast ocean).  I was never unfaithful and never abused her.  But one of the symptons for BPD is unhealthy attachments.

So, she texted a happy christmas text and i've arranged a meeting.  Ive no idea what shes thinking or what she wants so i thought id go along and see. im planning on just being straight with her about my feelings and asking her how she feels.

if you could advise me about the pitfalls and the possible outcomes from your experiences that we would be hugely appreciated.  Thank You

[guy4caligirl]

Hi ,

I am out for five months now , tried LC Nothing worked .now NC one week Wow !

RS for five years .

We all went through the abuse , and we all are still hurting a bit , but it looks like they have really injected us to become so trauma bonded , that's who they are the more I read the more I believe it .And here I am now in the stage of wanting to receive a text from her , this is my first time no contact with her , she could care less I donnno but I want the satisfaction for her to text but I don't want to reply .

Back to your question : I think , no one can tell you what to do ,I do not think you are sick t all we all still addicted to them it's an addiction , they say smoking is bad for you and we still smoke .

You are the decision maker weight the situation with her or without her , and decide , but be prepared to not have your highs up because  you never know what's in the mind of A BPD .

Good luck .

[Front runner]

Thanks Guy for Caligirl,

what if i texted her saying i dont want to meet just as friends.  is that just cowardly and running away?

[rockgirl]

Thanks Guy for Caligirl,

what if i texted her saying i dont want to meet just as friends.  is that just cowardly and running away?

I think the best thing you can do is be honest with yourself. What are you hoping for with this interaction? Want her back? Wanting validation?

Remember why you ended it. Remember how great it was when the idolized us in the beginning?  Oh but then comes the splitting where they essentially hate us. You ready for this? If you're just needing the validation part... maybe just stay nc. You might get sucked back in... .they are experts at knowing how to get us.

[Front runner]

unbelievably, looking to get back with her

[hope2727]

Oh front runner pls keep me posted on how it goes. I miss mine so much. I would like to reunite but he has a replacement. Be careful of your heart and your self esteem. Think through your boundaries before you go. And if you aren't ready then just tell her you were deeply hurt by her actions and would like to meet her but aren't ready.

What ever you do take care of you. And pls pls let us know how it goes.

[Front runner]

im fairly sure she has a replacement too.  Thats why i want to text and say i still have feelings for her and work out where i stand.  otherwise if i meet her and shes not interested i dont think ill be able to cope.  is it copping out doing this.  id rather take rejection by text than face to face.  i dont know what to do really

[evilpepsi]

im fairly sure she has a replacement too.  Thats why i want to text and say i still have feelings for her and work out where i stand.  otherwise if i meet her and shes not interested i dont think ill be able to cope.  is it copping out doing this.  id rather take rejection by text than face to face.  i dont know what to do really

it seems to fuel their coldness when/if you expose emotions to them. i would play it as cold as she is bro. don't blink. i know that you want her back, and i have fleeting moments of the same, but she isn't that same person that you love. she may never get back to that person either. im seeing that im missing the closeness of her being there, the consistency of her, and the intimacy, but am i truly missing her? am i missing the rages? heck no. am i missing her ALWAYS having to be right? nope. am i missing the projection? nope. am i missing the silent treatment? hahahaha, NO!

your judgment is clouded by emotion. look for the bad bro. fixate on that... .

[Front runner]

ill look to the bad and go ahead with the meeting.  ill try my best to stay strong. Thanks

[Front runner]

Spoke to myT today who advised against texting but said if you're going to you should say something like 'The feelings I have for you aren't anything to do with you but because I have a personality disorder. How could I love or have feelings for someone who treated me the way you did'

Food for thought... .