Drawn back in, don't know what to do

[fortunes_fool]

So, I started posting on these boards several months back. About a year and a half ago, I ended a 3 1/2-year relationship with a diagnosed BPD woman. She initiated no contact last March, and I stuck to it. However, when she and I were together, I was very close with her family members. When my ex initiated no contact, I was incredibly relieved, but did stay in touch (if you can call Facebook "in touch" with her younger brother, whom I considered a friend. Well, in early October 2014, said brother took his own life in a very gruesome manner, and I couldn't possibly not contact my ex, even if only to be able to pay my respects. This broke no contact, of course, and while I have completely maintained my boundaries in that I have told her, flat out, that I have no interest whatsoever in ever having a romantic relationship with her again, I have entered into a tentative friendship with her.

At this point, I'm honestly uncertain as to what to do. The verbal abuse and manipulation she inflicted upon me during our relationship left very deep scars that were only beginning to heal when we reconnected in October. I find myself resenting her every time she tells me about something positive in her life; everything she tells me reminds me of things that still hurt from the relationship. A mutual friend tells me this is because I still love my ex; this could not be further from the truth. I had fallen out of love with her by the time she broke up with me 1 1/2 years ago; instead, I am now left with deep resentment toward her for the pain and loss she inflicted upon me. I don't know when that will fade.

In the meantime, I'm stuck. She and I live within about 5 miles of one another (coincidence), and I feel like telling her I can no longer be in touch with her at this point might cause me as much pain as it would her... .and just typing that sentence made me realize what a problem it is that I'm in contact with her at all. But here's the thing: Eight years ago, she lost her only child. Two and a half years ago, her mother died suddenly. And now it's been only 3 months since her brother committed suicide. She's not even 30 years old yet. My ex has very few people left who still care about her enough to know when she seems fine on the outside, she's not at all on the inside. She actually had a suicide pact with the brother who took his life, which makes me fear she may follow him (and she has said as much several times). However, I do understand I cannot be held responsible for whatever she may or may not choose to do. I'm really torn... .and hoping someone can give me a little insight.

[Xidion]

Don't do it man. Unless you just want more pain in your life. We all know how it will turn out. I just went through a 6 days recycle after 2 months post bu. Has she changed?  No. Think about yourself.

[Infern0]

It's a tricky situation this one.

I can't advise you on what to do as I don't know the whole story of your RS and how it ended, but i'm imagining it was typical BPD.

If you choose to have a friendship with her then in my opinion you should only do so if Fear.Obligation.Guilt are not a part of it, which it sounds like they are.

You are in no way responsible for her actions, and is having a friendship with her going to improve or detract from your quality of life? I'm guessing the latter.

It's entirely up to you, and since you are already in contact I suppose you could "try" to maintain some kind of civil relationship with her. But if I were you, the first sign of pushing boundries and i'd give one warning and if she does it again, hard no contact.

Beware, these "friendships" NEVER end well for the non.

[Splitblack4good]

Wow that is a tuff situation with the talks and thoughts of suicide from her . My ex had suicidal thoughts and tendencies when we were together and it's most likley she will again with my replacement and being with my replacement thers a chance she may loose her kids via child services as the new guy has a criminal record and a history of violence around children . I'm sure in the close future il get contact from my ex if the children get taken away from her with a suicide threat ! That's the only time I'm going to step in and my advice to you would proberly be the same maintain a safe distance from your ex as you say your still hurting and healing but keep a close eye on her at the same time if at any point you feel she is at risk of taking her own life you can be there and get help for her and there's a good chance it will be avoided .

[almostmarried]

Your subconscious says:" I WANT TO RESCUE HER ! "

[Blimblam]

You might want to post on the undecided board.