pwBPD abusive to waitstaff?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Did anyone experience a pwBPD being abusive towards waitstaff?

My BPD ex-fiancee and her mother both have BPD.  I never saw my ex-fiancee behave abusively towards waitstaff.  On the other hand, her mother would be shockingly cruel to the point where I think everyone around (including the waitstaff) just felt pity for her.  For example, her mother would say "What is wrong with this food?  Is your refrigerator broken?  The 'frdige' must be broken -- we deserve better than this."  Her tone was totally inappropriate.  Meanwhile, I just ate the food without any problems (ha).  I suspect that because no guy would date her mother at this point in her life, her mother needed to direct her anger towards waitstaff.  Anyone else witness anything like this? 

[Tim300]

Did anyone experience a pwBPD being abusive towards waitstaff?

My BPD ex-fiancee and her mother both have BPD.  I never saw my ex-fiancee behave abusively towards waitstaff.  On the other hand, her mother would be shockingly cruel to the point where I think everyone around (including the waitstaff) just felt pity for her.  For example, her mother would say "What is wrong with this food?  Is your refrigerator broken?  The 'frdige' must be broken -- we deserve better than this."  Her tone was totally inappropriate.  Meanwhile, I just ate the food without any problems (ha).  I suspect that because no guy would date her mother at this point in her life, her mother needed to direct her anger towards waitstaff.  Anyone else witness anything like this? 

[Panda39]

My SO's uBPDxw would falsely complain about service until management would give her, her meal for free.  Her daughter thought that was pretty cool (Nice thing for a mother to teach her child  

D16 told her dad she thought complaining about service and getting a free meal was pretty neat until her father asked her how she would feel if she was the waitress and someone lied about her, or how she would feel if the innocent waitress was fired because of the false complaints.  He reminded her of the "Golden Rule" thankfully the daughter caught on.  

Seems like my SO's ex doesn't follow the golden rule and isn't capable of teaching it to her daughter.

[Tim300]

Seems like my SO's ex doesn't follow the golden rule and isn't capable of teaching it to her daughter.

Really compounds the nature versus nurture issue.  Either way, I am going to take a much more critical view of my next potential mother in law.  Any pattern of dishonesty like this and I'm running.

[power thru]

Absolutely but it wasn't against wait staff in general, it was anyone who provided a service. Dr's, nurses, waiters, store clerks, secretary's, co workers you name it. Mine was a BPDWaif (victim persona). Everything anyone ever said or did that she perceived to be an attack on her or her kids would hear about it on the spot. She would often times try to rally me against whoever she was against but I never saw the person she was complaining about actually be rude to her. It was all perception. Of course I would then be painted black when I did not take her side. I would hate to go through life thinking everyone is out to get you. It's sad.

[Tim300]

Of course I would then be painted black when I did not take her side.

Yeah, it's amazing.  If you don't take their side -- no matter how ridiculous -- they will lash out at you. 

[HappyNihilist]

My exBPDbf was far from abusive to waitresses. He always flirted with them, talked to them, and tipped very well. The waitresses at the hotels he usually stayed at (he traveled a lot for work, for weeks at a time) -- I'm sure they got extra tips.  

That aspect aside... .he was always polite and generous with waitstaff, as long as the service was at least acceptable. In fact, I rarely saw him be rude or disrespectful to anyone -- in the (very few) cases where I did witness it, he honestly had good reason.

It's one of those things that actually made me doubt whether or not I was the problem.

[Deeno02]

Mine was always short and abrupt with them. Not rude per se, but just abrupt and dismissive. I always tipped even more when she got like that.

[Pingo]

Mine was always short and abrupt with them. Not rude per se, but just abrupt and dismissive. I always tipped even more when she got like that.

That is the way mine was too.  He wasn't abusive but never would say thanks or be friendly.  On the rare times he paid he'd leave a crappy tip. 

This is a good indication of how someone really is under their idealizing false self.  Being rude or abusive to the wait staff or anyone is a good sign that it'll be turned on you eventually.

[Deeno02]

Mine was always short and abrupt with them. Not rude per se, but just abrupt and dismissive. I always tipped even more when she got like that.

That is the way mine was too.  He wasn't abusive but never would say thanks or be friendly.  On the rare times he paid he'd leave a crappy tip. 

This is a good indication of how someone really is under their idealizing false self.  Being rude or abusive to the wait staff or anyone is a good sign that it'll be turned on you eventually.

True that!

[LeftSidePain]

Very odd how things like this come back to you.

I always think about the time we were at Burger King drive through and she ordered a burger, fries, and a drink. The person on the other end repeated the order back incorrectly and she yelled "I saaaaaiiiid I wanted a BURGER, FRIES and a LARGE DRINK... Did you get that? Can you understand?"

I was horrified. I had never seen anyone talk like that. I had only seen at that time in my whole 25 years once that anyone in my family spoke to waitstaff that way and it wasn't even that bad.

I immediately told her not to talk to them like that, it wasn't that big of a deal. She said they need to learn how to do their damn job and I replied that at least they had a job and thus began our first argument of our relationship. Wow... .memories.

I ordered my food and asked them to please not spit in my food.

She never was that way to waitstaff again after that day or at least while around me.

[hergestridge]

She spent half a day at a store. Tried on all the clothes they had, walked out without buying anything. The store personell tore out their hair. It didn't bother her how much of someone elses time she wasted. Same went for me who sat outside waiting.

She insisted it was a "girl" thing. Then she backed down and said it was a "family" thing.

In fact it just a no-empathy thing.

[nowwhatz]

Mine was generally very nice and super friendly to all strangers including waitstaff. 

That being said her "better than" attitude would come out with waitstaff and the like at times.

I thought this was cultural. She is upper class Mexican and looks down on other Mexicans.

Starting very soon my exgf will be riding the bus to her job for the first time in her life... .has no car and nobody to drive her... .her son goes back to school and she has been using his car. Boo hoo.

She would scoff at the idea of ever riding a bus because she is too good for that.

She also now works as a hotel housekeeper (first time in her life she has had to do laborer-type work) and is lucky to have the job. Probably working with people she would call "naco."

I think her attitude is more from BPD and than cultural. Nobody in her family who are far more educated and successful than her behave that way.