Just checking in

[Danie14]

No a whole lot going on. Things are quite. He's *loving* me and buying me guilt gifts... .trying to be that guy again... .but... .I just don't feel it. I don't believe him. When he leaves (or I leave) I'll probably give him back all these things... .or maybe I'll box them up and give them to the kids later... .idk... .

I sat talking with him and my brother the other day... .and I just watched him... .it's so strange... .to see him "normal" and know that he's not normal at all... .I don't recall what we were talking about... .it breaks my heart. Really it does... .for me, for him, for our kids... .for family... .

And as I sat there watching him, my heart wanting to melt... .I remembered that he WANTED to reconnect with her. That his ACTIONS have brought us to this place. No it doesn't make it hurt less but that's good. I need to keep this hurt... .just for now... .so I remember... .

My son will be 18 very soon. He will graduate shortly thereafter.

[mitatsu]

Hugs to you and yes it's nice to remember the good as i'm sure deep down under all the toxic sludge is a good person but alas if you step back into that sludge filled void you will surely be dragged down like quicksand

Be strong my friend your worth more than that 

[Danie14]

Thank you. Yes, it's hard. I feel like one big liar... .and I am... .but at the same time... .I just can't think of any other way to proceed and NOT have stuff hit the fan, you know?