History DID and does repeat itself...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Thanks for this!

[Hope0807]

Thanks for this!

[Kaster21]

We are not weak in character. We have all been put through an emotional and mental roller coaster that we never asked for. I thought I found the love of my life. The one I was going to marry have a family with and spend the rest of my life with. I was then abused lied to cheated on taken advantage of emotionally and financially. I didn't ask for it and I certainly didn't deserve the hell she put me through.

My character is not weak. I am strong. I have hit the bottom and I have clawed my way out. She on the other hand continues her destructive pattern. If hating her and wishing her next relationship fails helps me dig myself out... .I will do just that until I reach that place of indifference. For her that is a small price to pay for  the hell she put me through.

Sh** where we dating the same woman . I went through all the same things you did. Here's how I feel the get what they deserve in the end. I don't care how sorry you feel for them. If they screw your over then karma should have a way for them. Truth is the disordered can't change even if they wanted to because it takes acknowledgment to change and they refuse to acknowledge that it's them with the problem. You can't change what you can't acknowledge. Like I said in the beginning they all get what they deserve.

[dagwoodbowser]

My forgiveness won't be for her. It will be for me. I will forgive myself for allowing this mentally disordered person to abuse me devalued me lie to me cheat on me and most importantly question worth and value.  I will forgive myself for having such a low self acceptance of myself that I allowed that to take place.

The goal for me is indifference.  When someone mentions her or I see her on the street I want to have no feeling what so ever towards her. I don't want to care if she is happy sad or miserable. I don't want her to occupy anymore time or space in my life or mind.

What goes around comes around. No one gets out of this world without their fair share of heartache. It comes at different times and in different forms but no gets out of this world without it. I don't care what her life brings her at this point... .She will pay her debts. Karma always comes around.

willithealme: I love this! If it's ok with you I am going to copy/paste this as one.

Makes a great personal statement for constant review.

[MincedGarlic]

It's the same lead actor/actress and story in every sequel. The only things that change are the lead supporting actor/actress and the set. The story is always a whirlwind romance that degenerates into a dramatic tragedy. Very sad for all involved.

Wow, I have to remember this, so true... .

[bungenstein]

My ex replaced me a year and a half ago, the usual, they were on cloud 9 to begin with, shoved in it my face etc, the same thing.

Fast forward to now... .

Her replacement claims she's ruined his life, he broke up with her, she recycled him and managed to get pregnant to trap him with a baby, he broke up with her again, and now she is facing single motherhood.

How easily it could have been me in that position.

For everyone out of these relationships, you may be hurting to begin with, but trust me, it will save your life.

[willtimeheal]

My forgiveness won't be for her. It will be for me. I will forgive myself for allowing this mentally disordered person to abuse me devalued me lie to me cheat on me and most importantly question worth and value.  I will forgive myself for having such a low self acceptance of myself that I allowed that to take place.

The goal for me is indifference.  When someone mentions her or I see her on the street I want to have no feeling what so ever towards her. I don't want to care if she is happy sad or miserable. I don't want her to occupy anymore time or space in my life or mind.

What goes around comes around. No one gets out of this world without their fair share of heartache. It comes at different times and in different forms but no gets out of this world without it. I don't care what her life brings her at this point... .She will pay her debts. Karma always comes around.

willithealme: I love this! If it's ok with you I am going to copy/paste this as one.

Makes a great personal statement for constant review.

Of course it's ok!    I am glad it helped. Thanks for commenting on it. It was just what I needed to read today.

[blissful_camper]

I didn't feel it was appropriate that I approach my replacement to warn her. However, my ex's ex wife approached me during my involvement with my ex.  I'm sure glad that she did. 

His ex wife approached me right around the time that my internal warning siren was sounding, and I was considering leaving him.  She didn't warn me to get out of the r/s.  She advised me to maintain a separate home (which I did) because once under his roof his behavior would worsen. 

From there we discussed her experiences during her 10-year marriage to him.  His behavior toward her was appalling.  I was experiencing similar abuse.  The discussion benefitted us both.  His ex wife had carried blame he placed on her for many years.  Having been abused over the course of a decade she believed that she was responsible for their marriage failing.  Hearing my experiences was validation for her.  She cried.  She thanked me.  She said she finally felt "free." 

While I don't advocate approaching the current partner of our exes (it's not something that I would do) I think that in certain situations it's meant to be.  I'm really grateful that she and I had the opportunity to connect and share our experiences.  Without her insight I may have stayed longer in the r/s with my ex, further damaging my well being.  She was the "reality check" I needed at that time and I feel that our paths crossed at that moment for good reason. 

[mitatsu]

In the kindest way possible one of my stbExW previous boyfriends (from near on 15 yrs before me) who i had befriended tried to give me the heads up as to what was coming

alas i was a white knight and of course i could make it work... .me and him are still friends