BpD bf of 8 years... not so strong

[ineedhelp76]

Hello everyone where do i start? Well my life has not really been my own. I have been on my own since i was 14 (female) i married at 18 to provide a safe haven for 2 younger brothers and myself... .parents both corrupt with drugs... .After my dad, grandmother, and pops passed(in same year) i caught my husband the day of my adopted daughters 1st bday cheating... .so i left then went home and he left it was over i was devastated and broken... .he controlled everything about me i thought that was what marriage was... .stupid me... .then 4 months later wham met a guy thru a so called friend from work ... .suppose to be a 1 night stand but 8 years and a lot of tears i just cannot take much more.

He has BPD big time. I know because I have studied it in my degree program (i went back to school AFTER i left my husband... .he didnt even allow me to work! Psychology MS). Anyways i feel so alone. We live together with my adopted daughter and son. It is hard and seems like there are more lows than highs. 8 years is a long time and i actually thought at one time i deserve the treatment he provides... .he only thinks of himself he talks about only himself he blames me for everything i mean everything. He abuses my materialistic stuff like my car. He even has gone so far as to physically assault me and go in to blame me for it ... .i am alone i have no family because they r there only when i can help them

I am truly devastated and scared. We live together and i have money to live on when he knows this he doesnt work... .he doesnt pick up after himself he lies all the time and he tries to control everything i do... .i know i need to run but to where? I have 3 classes left (i knew when i started i would leave one day... .it was why i started school today is just like tomorrow i keep telling myself just a few more months but i am not sure i can hang on. I honestly have thought and cannot figure out why i have stayed with him for so long... .yes he has done some very unforgiveable stuff... .like sleeping around when i had him escorted off my property for hitting me (oh yeah he was with my so called brother who didnt tell me until 5 years later... .nice huh).

I am not looking for empathy i should write a book about this... .i think i need an ear and some good ideas on how to get out sooner than later... .oh and he will not leave no matter what i tell him beg him ask him he will not leave the home i have pretty much paid for the last 3 years... .

Anyways any suggestions

Sorry this was soo long. Just need some help

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[mitatsu]

Hi sorry your going through this

if you feel you want to leave and need advice put a post on the leaving board where there are lots of folk who have been in similar situations to you and can advise

this article was helpful to me

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a110.htm

please take care of yourself and have a big hug  

[vortex of confusion]

Welcome to the forums!

I want to join Miatsu in welcoming you.

I second posting on the Leaving forum. The staying forum can be great to help you find ways to protect yourself and keep things peaceful until you can get out.

There is a Lesson/Workshop about Domestic Violence Against Women that you can find here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61403.0

That might be a good place to start. Getting out can require some advanced planning so that you can do it safely.

 

Do you feel like you and your kids are physically safe? Before thinking about anything else, it is important to realistically assess whether or not you are physically safe.