Hey Shattered
I'm glad you're here. You are going to find a lot of people here that can so relate to what you're going through. There's a lot of fantastic information here. A moderator or someone better at showing you around should be here soon. They're the best.
I'm so sorry about the situation you're in. It sounds as though you made a lot of really life changing decisions only to find out the rug was pulled out from under you.
I don't' know if you friend is BPD or he isn't. I don't like making assumptions but if you can relate to some of the reading and actions than it's enough to say he has BPD like symptoms so diagnosis really isn't overly relevant. What you see, hear and feel certainly is though.
You've asked a question and I have one of you if you're up to it. If not that's OK too.
... .why do I still want him so much?
So why do you Shattered? It's not that love isn't enough of a reason but we all have so many reasons, fears and apprehensions and wants behind our decisions. Maybe it would help a little bit to distract from the moment if you did just recall for a moment "Why do I still want him so much?" and see it literally in front of you.
Glad you're here Shattered.
